Never Ending
by saerenae
Summary: The titans have been defeated and humanity is safe from the threat of being devoured; however, there are certain conflicts that coming with living a life of freedom after fighting for so long. Levi must come to terms with his loss, his future, and his emotions while also continuing his duty as a soldier.
1. Chapter One: Victory and Pain

A/N

Hello to all of you drawn into reading this fanfiction! Thanks for giving it a shot! I just want you to know that this story is written by two people: me, Saerenae, and my best friend. It won't be difficult to tell who is writing. I write from Levi's perspective and she writes from her OC's. Basically, we go back and forth between chapters. Hope you enjoy! -Saerenae

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*Levi*

I silently stood in the middle of the street while the cheerful banter around me assaulted my ears and the joyous atmosphere sucked the air from my lungs. I should've been happy that victory against the titans had finally been achieved, but there wasn't an ounce of joy to be found anywhere inside my heart. Instead, my mind was incessantly flooded with the torturous memories of the month following the glorious defeat of those vile creatures.

It was the first week that had started the inevitable downward spiral of misery.

 _I stood in awe as the queen's orders rang in my ears. Was it possible I had misinterpreted her words? She couldn't possibly be telling me to execute the one responsible for humanity's victory. Her reasoning? He wasn't completely human._

 _"Historia." I started, making sure to keep the calm mask of apathy securely plastered over my growing rage. "He is not the only titan shifter alive." I watched as her eyes widened the slightest bit before she clenched her fists and slowly exhaled. I immediately realized my blunder and calmly continued, kicking myself for having to defend the brat. "Eren has never harmed someone else for any reason other than to better secure humanity's safety."_

 _Her blue eyes seemed to plead for me to stop, and it was in that instant I realized that the decision she had made had not been one she was happy with. The decision was made by the people and forced out through her. "My decision is final." Historia's voice was clear, but I could see the almost imperceptible shaking of her fists. Damn. There was nothing I could say to change the situation._

 _I turned away from her suddenly to look at Eren who was staring back at me wide eyed and open mouthed. The kid just witnessed his demise being settled through a calm exchange that seemed to be no more important than deciding what type of tea we might drink at a later meeting._

 _"Levi…?" His voice was barely a whisper as I quickly strode past him, his chains rattling as he tried to follow me only to find himself subdued by the two military police flanking him._

 _I paused at the door, turning to face the queen once more. "Forgive me my insolence, highness, but..." It was difficult to keep the venom out of my voice, but there was no hiding what was so clearly there. "When am I to murder humanity's savior?" She closed her eyes. "When, majesty, am I to murder a human boy?"_

 _Silence befell the room._

 _The seconds ticked by and Eren's gaze shifted to the floor, still hopeful that maybe the queen would renounce her order._

 _"Dawn." And with that one simple word from the queen, I stormed through the doors with a loud clash, but not before seeing the light in Eren's eyes die to hopelessness. Damn it all to hell. Who was I to be called humanity's strongest if I couldn't even prevent the death of one who so obviously deserved to live._

 _At dawn, I found myself staring into Eren's green eyes as I held my blade to his neck, Mikasa's furious shouts cursing me as she was held down by three members of the military police. Even Jean could see the injustice of the situation, but he remained still, keeping Armin from doing anything rash._

 _"Any last words?" I questioned, seeing the defeat overtake the usually spirited child in front of me. I watched as his eyes shifted to the ground._

 _"I have no words, captain, but I do have one last request." His eyes met mine, waiting for me to shut him down; however, I felt he deserved one last fulfillment. When I didn't say anything, he held his chained wrists out to me. "Let me die free."_

 _I heard Mikasa's shouts turn to sobs as she realized Eren had given up on himself. There was nothing more she could do for him, but oh the hell I'd be paying for taking her most precious Eren from her. I looked over my shoulder to see Historia nod her head, and I released Eren from his chains._

 _He immediately straightened and put his fisted right hand over his heart and his other behind his back. "For humanity."_

 _I paused a moment, my white-knuckled grip on my blades keeping me anchored to the present. "Farewell, Jaeger."_

 _After Eren's execution, Mikasa had sworn vengeance and Armin had simple remained silent, his eyes boring into me with hate that surpassed any I'd previously seen in him. I had simply discarded my blades, saluted the queen, and moved on to the next victim: Ymir. She had gone quietly, simply requesting that she could look into Historia's eyes when the shifter's end was to come. Her request was granted, and the queen had left immediately after Ymir's head rolled away from her body._

I could see the sun setting through the open gates, pondering whether or not Armin and Jean had reached the sea they'd set out for soon after Eren's and Ymir's executions. It was no matter. I doubted I'd ever see their faces again. At least, not in this life.

I turned away from the gates and started towards the other end of town, enveloped in my own personal world of misery. Death weighed heavily on my mind. Not just recent deaths, but ones from years ago as well.

Isabel and Farlan surfaced in the forefront of my memory, accompanied by my former squad of Petra, Eld, Gunther, and Oluo. It was like a knife was wedging its way through my ribs and into a heart I thought I'd somehow managed to discard. While the pain was becoming easier to bear, it was no less painful. The titans had even taken the sliver of joy I had so carelessly called shitty glasses, but it was salt in the wound when Erwin had passed. I could kid myself in thinking it would've been easier if he'd been killed by the titans, but the fact he was killed by a drunkard at the celebration for victory was just as painful.

I found myself standing in front of the door to the mansion I had once shared with my squad. Was it childish of me to not want to enter knowing that I wouldn't hear their banter? I had taken it for granted in what seemed like a past life.

I slowly pushed open the door and took a step in, pulling off the cloak that was adorned with the wings of freedom as I made my way deeper into the building. I walked by the dining room and saw a lone soul sitting at the table lit by a single candle, a mug firmly grasped between her hands as she stared into its dark contents. "Kelis." My voice was so quiet I was almost surprised when she looked up to me and tried to find my eyes in the darkness.

I could see the scars that marred the left side of her face, scars that told a story of the strength behind the young woman. It made me feel older than my thirty-two years to see the light in her eyes tell a story of a soul much older than her body.

Giving up on seeing me in the darkness, she glanced back to her mug. "I hear they promoted you to commander." Her voice seemed loud in the still darkness, though it was just barely louder than a whisper.

I clenched the cloth of my cloak in my hand and gave a grunt of acknowledgement before making my exit. There was no sense in speaking of a reward for murder, so I made my way to my room and properly put away my cloak. I opened the balcony doors and stood there for a moment breathing in the cool air.

There was something beautiful about how the cold, night air wafted in through the open balcony doors, the blue moonlight spilling over the ivory keys of a pristine grand piano. It was probably one of the last in such impeccable condition, for it was all but useless in the harsh world of the scouting regiment. Despite that simple truth, there stood an object of a distant, legend world, defiant in its obvious anachronism. I silently sat before the piano feeling no less misplaced in time, causing me to reflect on everything that had happened thus far.

Humanity had been crushed to the brink of extinction, and hope had been close to lost before that _child_ had appeared. Amongst the confusion and despair, hope and fear flared and eventually gave way to victory. It was a victory that was not easily achieved with anything other than massive sacrifice, but it was victory nonetheless. So many had lost beyond their fair share, but here I was. I, the infamous captain, had survived against all odds and was paying for it dearly in my solitude.

My only comfort in that moment was the ease with which my fingers glided over the delicate keys, creating a world beyond the defeated titans and insufferable loss of my soldiers—my comrades. I had no idea how or when this skill had embedded itself into my muscles, but I was thankful I was able to create something other than destruction.

There was a light pull in my mind that signaled my exhaustion, something I had grown used to over the years and something that let me know I was, against all odds, still attached to the world of the living. Behind my closed eyelids I could see the faces of those brats that had managed to worm themselves into what I had left of a heart, bringing a pang of uncomfortable emotion to the surface of my consciousness.

What point was there to victory if I had no one to share it with? Everyone was gone. Some had been gone for a while, but it didn't mean the pain had dulled.

I could still see the young scouts in my mind's eye, saluting me with a smile in their victory, their cleanliness giving way to glassy eyes and blood soaked uniforms. The wings of freedom were chained then left to fend for themselves. The one that had saved them all had been executed simply for not being completely human.

The melody beneath my fingers grew dark as I withdrew from the vision, and I could feel my fingers slipping as though the keys were wet. I could sense the presence of another soul on the other side of the door, but ignored it and continued the piece I vaguely remembered being a funeral march by someone named Mozart.

How perfect for the occasion.

I could see Eren's dull green eyes as the brat stared at me awaiting the inevitable. That little shit didn't even have the decency to plea for his own life. The executioner, humanity's strongest, who Eren believed would never betray him, was to end the boy that had been most beneficial in humanity's victory over the damned titans.

Then again, the kid wasn't even permitted the opportunity to celebrate at all before he was captured. Flashes of blood across the cobblestone painted the back of my eyelids in a vivid nightmare of a memory as I yet again recalled my silent apology and final farewell to the brat.

Wishing to eradicate the sight from my eyes, I opened them to a blurry vision. The once pristine ivory was coated in red, my fingers still dancing over the keys, but not quite as elegantly.

How odd.

There was a quiet rap at the door, but I pushed it to the side as I tried to focus my gaze. My eyelids were growing heavier and my movements less controlled. More than once my fingers stumbled over the keys in a discordant mess of noise as I slowly lowered my head.

The frantic voice of Kelis as she discovered me and what I'd done to myself made me realize that, at some point, I must have stopped playing to place my forehead on the blood soaked keys. How unclean of me. I should've wiped it off, but I decided it could wait until after a short rest, for the exhaustion was too much for me to handle.

Kelis's voice started to fade, her pleas for me to open my eyes growing dull to my ears. It was as though with every pulse of my heart, I grew weaker. I supposed it made sense, but it was far too kind and peaceful of an end for me.

The silence, not disturbed by even a heartbeat or a breath for air, was shattered by the all too familiar, but long gone voice of Eren.

"Captain?" He seemed frustrated for some odd reason. "You shouldn't be here."

"Tch." I put a hand on my forehead trying to recall why this shouldn't be happening, and trying to recall why exactly I shouldn't be able to talk to Eren.

Then it hit me like the colossal titan's foot hit the wall. "Eren." I stared at him, feeling lighter than I ever had before. "I'm…" I couldn't force the words out as I noticed the faint presence of all the people who had gone before me. "I couldn't save you." I was not longer just speaking to Eren, but to all of the ones that I had so desperately wanted to see again.

Eren put a hand on my shoulder before smiling brightly at me, the light in his eyes aglow with well deserved peace. "We forgave you before there was anything to forgive, captain." He stood back, joining the others who were all smiling just as brightly. "Now go home."

I stood in shock, not able to control or even name the emotions that were overwhelming me. I straightened and saluted them, knowing words would never say what I needed to tell them.

In unison, they all saluted me before everything went black and Kelis's strained voice drew me back to the land of the living.

"Levi?"


	2. Chapter Two: Imaginings

Hi! First of all, thanks for reading. It's nice to know that there are other fanpeople (the race that includes fanboys, fangirls, or whatever type of fan there is out there). I'm the alter ego of our leading lady, Kelis. Hope you enjoy the story my best friend and I gave birth to by fangirling.

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* Kelis Nilifer *

So this was the opulence of the interior. I'd never seen the likes of it or even been able to imagine it before, so it was surreal to be facing it now. Still, who was I to reject to kindness of the queen, Historia, when she had offered to let me stay in the grand mansion that had been a former base of operations for the Scouts? Kindness, from her... It sounded far too ironic to say it now, after she had killed Eren.

But, had it really been her? Once my mind went past the shock, the anger, the constant pain, I had to admit, acknowledge with cold clarity that the answer was no.

The mansion was empty, and dark, a reflection of the broken hearts of the Scouts. The fleeting moments when I had imagined victory, it hadn't been like this. It had been celebrations with inevitable drunkenness, smiles all around, ones that were so constant that they hurt. But that just wasn't how it was going to be.

When I lit a candle I realized that everything was coated in a thick gray layer of dust, like the lens on an eye. I almost laughed that I had the immediate urge to clean it up so that Captain Levi wouldn't get angry.

Levi...

He was twice my age. He had had twice the amount of time to accumulate pain and regrets, witness death and suffering first-hand. The smiles I had imagined would never come from him. I couldn't imagine what he would look like with such an expression.

As a distraction I set about making myself some tea. I had considered alcohol over the past month, but that would only serve as a temporary comfort. It wouldn't solve anything. I pushed dust off the table with one sleeve and settled there, for some reason trying to be as quiet as possible so as not to disturb the silence. Maybe I could just melt into it for a while.

The taste was familiar, the cheap brand that had been afforded to the Scouts by the taxpayer's dollars. (Even in a mansion like this, the tea was the bargain kind. Typical...) It took me back to days I remembered with painful clarity.

 _"C'mooon, Kelis. Kelis! Have a drink with me!" Eld wrapped an arm around my waist and pulled me onto his lap. I blushed, instinctively trying to flee from the contact._

 _"No, no thank you," I climbed off him awkwardly._

 _"Aw. You're no fun. Can't hold your alcohol, maybe?" He grinned at his own suggestion._

 _"That remains to be seen, actually. Besides, we're in training. Shouldn't you take yourself a little bit more seriously?" I raised my eyebrows at the trio that was busy merry making at the table. Eld, Gunther, and Oluo._

 _"Kid, when you've been in it as long as I have, you'll have a better understanding of what it means to relax. It's as much of a necessity as food and water," Oluo lectured._

 _"How come you don't bite your tongue when you're drunk but you normally do it all the time?" Gunther slurred his words slightly. I laughed as Oluo scolded darkly at him._

 _"That's actually a very good point, the first good one you've made all day," a voice at my shoulder made me turn. Petra was smiling at me. "Come on. I made tea for us instead. We can enjoy it somewhere else."_

 _"Oh, okay,"_

 _"I'll get that drink with you, Kelis! Mark my words!" Eld yelled after us._

 _"These boys are ridiculous. Every last one of them,"_

 _"Even Eren and Captain Levi?" I asked, hooking my finger around the handle of the cup she passed to me._

 _"No, not so much them. Eren is serious like you, and the captain is, well, the captain."_

 _"What's that supposed to mean?" I queried, still new to the team and curious about the ever-scowling man who led the Special Operations Squad._

 _"Oh, well, he just has his quirks like every other person. Like the cleaning,"_

 _"That, I really don't mind." Was she blushing just because of our topic of conversation? She was. But why?_

 _"And his sense of humor," she sighed._

 _"The excrement jokes?"_

 _"Yes." Petra smiled at me, seeming to be amused. "You just said excrement. Can you not just say shit?"_

 _"I was taught not to cuss," You know, before my parents died at the hands, rather mouths, of titans. At least they passed that on..._

 _"Say it. I really want to hear you say it now, it'll be funny!" Petra bounced up and down excitedly._

 _"What? No,"_

 _"Please? Shit, Kelis. Just shit,"_

 _"Do you even know how that sounds?" My face kept reddening with embarrassment._

 _"Do it and I'll leave you alone about it,"_

 _"... Promise?" I looked at her warily._

 _"Of course, I keep my promises,"_

 _"Okay." I took a breath in._

 _"But you have to say it really loud."_

 _"What, exactly, is your fixation on this?"_

 _"I'm just trying to bring you out of your shell a bit. Because we're friends now," she smiled sweetly, sincerely._

 _Dammit, going right for the heartstrings. I sucked in air, catching it in my lungs and holding for a second._

 _"Oh wait, hold on, the captain's coming," Petra warned me._

 _"SHIT!" I yelled at the top of my lungs. Too late, sorry..._

 _Captain Levi, who had been walking around the corner of the hallway while holding a cup of tea in that fancy, distinguished way he always did, jumped a little bit and dropped the cup, where it shattered to pieces upon colliding with the stones at our feet. All three of us just looked at the mess for a second, but then the captain began walking slowly towards us._

 _"Shit," Petra cursed under her breath._

 _"Mmhm." I nodded. "Um. I'm sorry, captain. I'll clean it up."_

 _He stood close to me, closer than usual. The height difference between us was only a few inches, with me being the shorter one. He took the teacup right out of my hand and sipped it before continuing on his way. "You do that." He threw back over his shoulder._

 _"Hey," I addressed Petra as we cleaned up the mess._

 _"Yeah?" She was laughing over the incident now._

 _"Was he actually smiling?"_

 _"What? No, I don't think so. His face looked like it always does,"_

 _"Oh. Okay."_

There's no way that smile had ever been there or would ever be. In a world composed entirely of broken things, we were even lower than the wreckage.

Levi had never smiled. My imagination was just a part of my foolishness. Petra had broken her promise, her promise to me to live. Eld had never gotten his drink. I had never taken him up on his offer.

I wished I had... I wished for so many impossible things.

I didn't bother moving when the door to the mansion opened. Unless it was a titan coming in, I couldn't be bothered. It was literally impossible for me to be bothered in that moment.

But I had to take that back, because it was Levi who came inside. Commander now. He had been promoted for saving humanity from its final threats, Eren and Ymir.

Laughable.

I could just barely make him out in the shadows after he closed the door behind him. Instead of staring at him I focused on my teacup. "Kelis." But he still acknowledged me. What was I supposed to say? Don't be sad, it's not your fault, you're not alone? There just wasn't a way to pull ourselves out of the misery right now.

So I settled for useless small talk. "I hear they promoted you to commander," I said softly, wanting him to come sit next to me, reassure me with his presence. Solitude in the silence would eventually become unbearable. But he just grunted at me and made his way up a winding staircase, doubling my feelings of desolation.

I rested my head on my arms, feeling the silence starting to crush me. I missed the days when Eld would pester me, when Petra and I could laugh at Oluo biting his tongue, when Eren and I would turn morbid in our senses of humor and chase each other around while pretending to be titans. I bit my thumb as I always did when tears threatened me. It worked to stop them every time.

An arrow of sound shot through the silence. Something I'd never heard before, soft, otherworldly, mystical. Was that coming from inside the house? I ambled slowly through the darkness and crept up the stairs, leaning against the door that muffled the noise emanating from within only slightly. I closed my eyes and leaned my head back to let the sounds wash over me in a lull, only to stand up straight again when mistakes, deviations from the dark melody tainted the perfect song.

I rapped quietly on the door. "Levi?" A whisper. Of course I got no reply. I mustered up courage and called louder. "Levi?" Was he simply choosing to ignore me? I could understand that, but…

Wait.

The smell. I knew it from seeing countless piles of human leftovers after a titan had regurgitated them, I knew it from seeing my comrades torn, bitten, and even smeared on trees.

Blood.

"Levi!" I tried the doorknob and found it locked. As if that'd stop me... I kicked it in with a spurt of violent energy and a well-aimed foot maneuver. "Levi!" My voice cracked with hysterics. His head was resting on the white, now stained red keys of whatever it was he had been playing. He was so still. I'd seen that stillness too many times.

I rushed over to him and lifted his head, cradling it in my hands before leaning in to have my ear close to his mouth. His breath just barely grazed my ear. There was a knife laying discarded on the floor.

His wrists... "Shit, Levi," I'd never encountered this kind of injury before. The only thing I could think of to do was bind his wrists so that he wouldn't lose any more blood. I lay Levi down on his back gently, then knelt beside the bench and ripped viciously at my skirt, tearing it into strips. At first the blood soaked easily through the binds, but as I tied more and more on the flow seemed to be suppressed. Once both wrists were swathed I leaned over and put my ear near his mouth again. I pulled back when he made a small sound of discomfort. "Levi?" I whispered, feeling my body starting to shake all over.

He blinked slowly a few times at me. "Kelis...?" I bit into my thumb, smearing my face and mouth with his blood. But the tears came anyways.


	3. Chapter Three: Awake

A/N

Hello! So, the two of us have decided we are going to update twice a week: Sundays and Thursdays. I had a ton of fun writing this chapter, and hope you enjoy reading it just as much. I tried not to skew too far from Levi's original character. Let us know what you think! -Saerenae

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*Levi*

Feeling like my eyelids were malfunctioning, I blinked slowly, trying to clear my blurry vision. "Kelis?" It was a slurred reply to an echo of a voice I thought I'd heard in a dream—a dream from long, long ago.

My body felt heavier than ever before. It was as though a titian had decided to just sit on me rather than devour me, leaving me breathless and nauseous. There really was no reprieve from suffering, even in what I believed to be death. Pain lanced through my skull like an unrelenting storm, making my vision blurrier than it already was. Through the blurred lines of my swimming vision, I could make out a figure hovering over me, biting their thumb, and…crying? Over me? It couldn't be. I shouldn't let my mind wander like that.

I wanted to clear the thought, but I couldn't move my thousand-pound limbs to even pinch the bridge of my nose to make the damned headache go away so that maybe, just maybe, I could think clearly. All I wanted to do was go back to sleep, but I couldn't allow myself the luxury while there was someone so clearly heartbroken so close to me.

I did my best to comfort her, my usual scowl softened to a ghost of a smile. That's what it felt like, at least. It probably seemed like a frown to anyone else, but I knew Zoë could tell the difference if she cared to look. But the one over me wasn't Zoë. It was Kelis. Since I doubted she would know the difference, I tried using my words to comfort her.

"Kelis…" I paused to swallow the bile in my throat and tried to gain a little more control over my voice. "Stop…with the damn…crying." It was extremely difficult to speak when I couldn't properly draw air into my lungs.

The cool night air pricked at my skin like pins and needles, causing my sweat-coated body to violently shiver and rack my body with pain all the way to my bones. I wished with everything in my being that I would just lose consciousness so I'd be free of the physical pain, if only for a moment.

And, for once, I was granted my wish.

Silence lingered like a demon in wait of the perfect opportunity to pounce on its unaware victim. There wasn't a hush of wind, nor a song of a bird. There was nothing, but when I opened my eyes, I found I was in my room, the light from outside shining much too brightly in through the open curtains of my window.

I felt as though I'd just woken from a dream, still in that delirious state of only half consciousness. I sat up, hearing my sheets shush me as they were pushed away from my bare torso to rest at my equally bare hips, and I put my palm to my forehead to try to remember how I'd ended up back in my room.

I lifted myself out of my bed and neatly pulled the sheets and blanket into their proper position, my nudity sending goose bumps over my skin. I pulled on a pair of pants and padded barefoot out of my room and to the room across the hall. I pushed the door open without knocking, running my hand through my messy bed head as I went to sit at the piano bench. As soon as my fingers touched the pristine keys, an image of the piano being painted in blood flashed into my mind.

I stared in awe at the keys and narrowed my eyes. Remnants of a dream perhaps?

I pushed the thought away with a shake of my head and started letting my fingers dance over the keys in a nocturne. A hand on my shoulder made me internally almost jump out of my skin, but, outwardly, I simply sneered and looked over my shoulder to find Zoë smiling at me.

"More Mozart?" She questioned, answered with a nod as I continued playing. She walked around to look inside the piano, watching as the hammers inside struck the chords to make a beautiful array of noise. She leaned over and put her elbows on the edge, resting her chin in her palms as she continued to observe with a content smile. "You shouldn't be here."

I stopped in the middle of the piece to stare at her quizzically. I practically lived by the piano. Where else should I be?

Zoë closed her eyes and sighed before moving to sit beside me on the piano bench, gently running her fingers over the keys without pressing them down. "She's not going to take her eye off of you now." She nudged me with her elbow. "I'm sure you wouldn't mind being victim to her gaze, though."

I furrowed my brows further, utterly confused about whatever the hell was spewing from this woman's lips. "What are you talking about?"

She hit me on the back of the head with an annoyed stare. Just as I was about to rip her a new one, a flood of memories overwhelmed me in a massive headache. "Fuck, damn shitty four-eyes." I clenched my eyes closed as images of a bloody night and a crying Kelis danced across the backs of my eyelids.

She smiled in triumph and stood, walking towards the door.

I stood quickly, reaching for her. "Wait, Zoë." Realization that she had been out of my reach, out of my miserable life, for too long dawned on me as I just barely missed grasping her wrist. I fell to my knees due to the sheer agony of all the memories that drilled their way through my skull. "Don't leave me." I pleaded, pressing my palms to my temples and doubling over.

Zoë stopped in the door frame and gazed at me with a bittersweet smile. "I never intended to." Her gaze wandered around the room as she seemed to delve deep into the recess of her memories. "It's time for you to wake up, now." I could hear her voice break as if she had been choking back her tears. "I better not see you here again any time soon."

"Zoë!" I woke myself with the word, sitting up quickly and looking around for any sign of the damn scientist. Not surprised to find none, I brought my knees closer to my body and rested my elbows on them, placing my head between my arms and locking my fingers together behind my head. Damn her.

I could feel Kelis waiting on the other side of the wall just outside my door. Seeing as my door was wide open, she must've been giving me a moment of privacy, probably the last bit of privacy I'd have in a while. I couldn't tell whether or not she had heard me, but it didn't matter either way. I stood and almost fell over due to the dizziness. "Shit." I muttered looking down to my bare chest and…underwear? Ugh. Where had she found those? They surely didn't belong to me.

Catching myself on the night stand had caused a clatter of noise that brought Kelis rushing into the room. She quickly started making her way to me, the surprise in her eyes starting to turn into a scowl that surely entailed a lecture. "Stop there." I said putting a hand out. "Tea." She stopped and crossed her arms over her chest.

"Later. You're not leaving my sight for even a second after the stunt you pulled." She gestured to my bandaged wrists.

The dizziness finally started subsiding and I was able to take a step away from the night stand. I could just feel the filth coated to my skin as I moved. "How long have I been out?" I questioned, slowly pulling the sheets up so I could properly make the bed.

Kelis moved to the other side of the bed to help me as she spoke. "A little over two days. Well, almost three." She glanced at me, not seeming to be bothered by my near nakedness. She probably hadn't given it much thought, but I was sure she would become awkward if I pointed it out. "I managed to get you to drink, but you can't really eat when you're unconscious. After we get you cleaned up, I'll fix a little something for you to eat."

I raised an eyebrow at her as I folded the sheet and blanket back twice before tucking them in under the mattress. "We?" I didn't know whether to be amused or irritated, so I settled with my usual scowl. As if I had another expression. "I can bathe myself."

She shook her head at me. "I don't care if you can or not. I've already told you you're not leaving my sight."

I shifted my weight to one leg and sighed. There would be no reasoning with her, that much was clear, but there was no way in hell I was going to make it easy on her. My mood was growing more and more foul by the moment. I turned towards the door and walked out with Kelis hot on my heels, stopping in front of the door across from mine to run my hand over a flaw in the frame. I heard her hold her breath as I opened the door to peek at the piano.

No blood.

No Zoë.

I wrote off my encounter with Zoë as a dream before stepping back into the hallway and closing the door. "You cleaned the piano." I stated as we walked down the stairs.

"Is that what it's called?" She questioned quietly, trailing closely behind me.

I grunted approval and made my way to the side door, opening it to see a string of laundry drying. At least she hadn't just sat idly while I was out. There was a small shack that had a tub inside it that had served as our bath ever sense I could remember. It'd always been a pain to draw the water to fill it up, though, so I usually just went straight to the creek.

"I had planned on dragging you down here sometime today even if you hadn't woken up, so the bath is already filled." She scrunched up her nose for a moment then relaxed, making me believe she had done it without thinking. "You were starting to smell pretty foul even though I'd been wiping the sweat off of you with rags."

My scowl deepened and I made my way to the shack where the insufferable woman was sure to help me bathe. "You do realize, Kelis, that I can't bathe with these god awful things people call underwear, right?" I watched as her eyes widened ever so slightly and her face began turning red. So she hadn't realized after all.

"I-I realized that." She stuttered, obviously trying extremely hard not to notice my near nakedness. It was like watching a child try to deal with a sticky situation. She worried the hem of her shirt for a moment, her eyes averted to the ground as she seemed to be attempting not to think about what was about to happen.

I hooked my thumbs in the waist band of the underwear and inwardly smiled. "Well, since you already realized that, I suppose there's no need to stand on ceremony." With that, I pulled them down and stepped out of them, earning an embarrassed yelp from Kelis as I straightened and stretched my arms above my head. "Shall we?" I tossed the underwear, making note of where they landed so I could burn the wretched things later, and I turned away from a tomato-red Kelis to make my way to the shack.

After a slight pause, she quickly caught up to me and placed herself between me and the door to the shack. Her eyes were no longer averted to the ground, but now above my head. "You can't get your bandages wet."

I narrowed my eyes at her, waiting for her to continue.

She took a deep breath in, looking anywhere but at me. "If you get your bandages wet, they may loosen, rub against your wounds, and consequently reopen the wounds." She paused before adding as an afterthought: "I'd rather that not happen." As if that would really happen. There was probably a one in a million chance of it happening and it would be easy to stop the bleeding again. She did it before, what would stop her if it were to happen again?

I stared, waiting for her to move, but it seemed like she was waiting for me to at least acknowledge if not approve of her reason. "Do what you will." I pinched the bridge of my nose to stop the headache that was starting to form again.

Kelis finally moved and opened the door for me, allowing me to enter first. Quietly closing the door behind her, she watched as I slowly lowered myself into the bath of water.

I had gotten in with my back facing her expecting her to make her way over, but she was quiet and still, causing me to look over my shoulder as I rested my arms on the edges of the tub to keep my bandages dry. "Are you going to stand there all day? The water is already cold. I'd rather not catch a cold because I've stayed in too long."

She nodded and pushed her brown hair behind her ear, exposing more of her face. She had a face the some may think of as ugly because of the scars, but I saw the scars more as trophies proclaiming she was a survivor. She was beautiful in her own way, though I'd never say that aloud. I'd never live down giving such a compliment. Or a compliment in general.

I turned away and leaned forward when she sat down on the small stool next to the bath. I listened as she dipped a rag in the water and lathered it with soap before pausing yet again. "Dammit woman. Stop with all the pausing for a thought."

She huffed and, even with my back turned to her, I could tell her face was contorted into an irritated pout. "Fine. I'm going to touch you now."

"At least buy me a drink first." She sputtered at my comment and I closed my eyes, waiting for her to press the rag to my back.

Her touch was gentle. Almost as if she had been afraid she was going to break me if she put any more pressure on me. While most people would probably enjoy the sensation of being treated gentle, it irritated me. "I'm not a doll, you little shit." I felt her stiffen. "How the hell am I going to get clean if you treat my skin like some kind of fragile porcelain?"

"I know you're not a doll." She put a little more pressure behind her movements, but not much. "Doll's are cute and sweet." Her easy retort made me sigh out of frustration.

The cold water was almost to the point of making me shiver, so, once she had finished with my back and shoulders I stood and faced her. "You have to clean this side of me as well." My hips were at her eye level, giving me a bit of respite when her eyes widened and she quickly stood, obviously deciding to start with my torso.

"R-raise your arms." Her flustered stutter amused me, which made me decide to do as she said and place my hands behind my head. Her movements weren't quite as gentle, but they were slower, almost sensual, even if she hadn't meant for them to be.

I watched her intently as she ran the rag over my collarbone and chest before moving to clean the under sides of my arms as well as my sides. I felt as though her thought process had changed. Perhaps she had found some way to mentally disconnect the body in front of her from the image of me, her commander. "Pay attention to what you're doing." Sure enough. "Your rag is getting too dry."

She flushed red as she stared at my washboard stomach before closing her eyes and dipping the rag in the water, lathering the rag with soap once more. Her hand moved to my stomach and her eyes met mine for an instant before returning to the task at hand.

"I know I have great abs, but you can't fondle them forever."

She pointed towards the water with closed eyes. "Rinse." So she was running away.

I obeyed and dipped down into the water, letting her gently splash water over the places that she had lathered with soap. I waited for her to give me another order, but I was momentarily surprised when she stared right back at me, biting her lip as she struggled with what was next on the list of "needs to be washed." All the cold water in the world wasn't going to help me out when she made a face like that. I abruptly stood and turned away from her, gesturing for her to give me the rag. "Don't act so surprised." I sighed. "I'd rather not have rookie hands on my jewels." Quite the opposite, actually.

She slowly let out a breath when I lowered myself down into the cold water once again, moving around so the water would rinse the soap off of me. "What about your hair?" She questioned.

I dunked myself under the water, being sure to keep my wrists above the water so as to appease her and her crazy theory. The dunk definitely helped shock the image I'd previously witnessed out of my mind. Pulling myself out with a quiet gasp, I tensed and tried not to shiver. "Hurry the fuck up. The sooner you wash my hair, the sooner I can get out of this damn water."

Eventually, she had finished washing and rinsing my hair, handing me a towel as I stepped out of the water. I was finally free of the pungent odor that had claimed my body and I was dressed in freshly laundered clothing. She had also changed my bandages. While she was doing so, I realized she was suffering, too. Her face had become stern as though trying to hide the pain inside as she looked at my wounded wrists. It brought an odd pang of emotion to my stomach which I quickly dismissed when she finished wrapping the bandage.

I ran my hand through my wet hair and laid back on the bench next to the table as she boiled water for tea, mostly ignoring her useless small talk. Every now and again I would reward her efforts for conversation with a "hmm" or some other guttural noise, but I was more focused on other matters. I sat up when she poured me a cup of tea. "Have you reported in?"

Kelis gave me a quizzical look at she peeled a potato before her hands stopped moving and her eyes widened. Her mouth opened as if words were going to spill out, but she quickly clamped it shut and went back to her potato peeling. Obviously she hadn't, meaning we'd be getting a visit very soon.

We both heard the front door open, and I sighed, resting my forehead on one palm as I traced the rim of my tea cup with my finger. "Great." I mumbled.

The footsteps grew nearer until they were just outside our room. Judging by Kelis's face, I assumed it was a higher up, but I didn't feel like turning to see for myself. The day had just been too much. I couldn't be bothered unless, for some out-of-this-world reason, a titan was deciding to have tea with us.

"Commander Pixis!" Kelis put her knife down and saluted him.

I slumped over further, wanting to drown myself in my tea. The day just got a lot longer.


	4. Chapter Four: Leeway

* Kelis Nilifer *

Thank goodness... My, but Levi was being crabby in a way that was downright rude. Cruel, even... Pixis' smiling, tanned and wrinkled face was a relief to see. "What brings you here?" I asked, starting to go about pouring him a cup of tea.

"The two of you have been incognito for a few days now. The queen was slightly concerned, as she had an appointment to speak with you yesterday," he raised his eyebrows at me in question.

"Oh. I'm so sorry, I completely forgot. I was busy with other things," I said lamely, and then scowled when I heard Levi snort in the background.

"It's alright, not as if she was actually mad at you," Pixis shrugged it off. "Thank you," he accepted a cup of tea with a smile. Take notes, Levi, you asshole.

"How is the queen?" I queried.

"She's doing well, all things considered," We all knew that he was referring to Eren and Ymir, the latter in particular. "There's a rumor of rebels floating around, but it's not a big deal. Not yet, at least."

I glanced at Levi, but his expression conveyed something far beyond uncaring. His apathy was becoming standard. "Let me know if there's anything I can do," I took this seriously, even if my former captain didn't. A threat to Historia's life, no matter how small, was a threat to the peace we had fought so hard for.

"I'll let her know you said that," Pixis nodded. "So," his gaze flicked to Levi's wrists and then to my face. "Your eyes are bloodshot, Kelis. You look like someone painted shadows under your eyes with ink. What exactly happened here?"

"... Um." I said. I just couldn't bring myself to tell him the truth frankly. It was so hard to think of it. I'd relied on functioning on impulse while focusing on the sole mission of getting Levi to recover, but the truth I hated, the truth staring me in the face unblinking was that Levi had tried to leave. Nothing that was left had been enough to make him want to stay in the new world we had given up so much to create. He couldn't see any promise in the future. It hurt so bad to know that. Even worse was the way he talked to me. But I had dedicated myself to helping him. If he wanted me to falter he'd have to try a lot harder.

"I tried to kill myself," Levi stated frankly from his place resting his head on his arms.

For a moment Pixis just stared at him. Then he sighed heavily. "Well, you're certainly not the first person to do so." He turned back to me. For some reason I appeared to be his greatest concern. "What are you intending to do, Kelis?"

"I'm just trying my best to help," Although I was addressing Pixis to his face, the sharp statement was directed at Levi.

"Very well then," Pixis drained the rest of his tea in one gulp and then stood. "I see no problem in leaving his care in your hands. Continue as you are. Would you be able to visit the queen tomorrow, maybe if both of you could come?"

"I've no issue with that," I said, cutting Levi a warning glare. I had other things to do, and had to balance keeping him in my sight with figuring the future out. Historia had offered to talk with me and help, and I didn't mind dragging Levi with me for the conversation.

"Good. Let's just say you come around one in the afternoon?"

"Yes. Thank you, sir." We shook hands, and I took his cup to the sink for washing.

"Levi. She's a good girl, so don't be too rough on her, okay?" Pixis' voice was a mix between stern and amused. Only he could be amused by this situation... Levi's reply was unintelligible to me, it was so quiet.

"Have a good day," I waved to Pixis at the door.

"And you, Miss Nilifer," he smiled and went on his way, pulling his standard flask from his jacket.

I heaved a sigh after closing the door behind me. What now? Levi had ignored my attempts at conversation... Guess I'd just have to be a little more forceful. "You, you owe me an apology," I stammered. So much for force.

"What?" Levi lifted his head off his arms slowly, with movements that made it seem as if it took effort.

"You've been speaking rudely to me, deliberately trying to antagonize me." I kept my voice calm and quiet so we wouldn't end up yelling and getting too angry at each other. "I... I did save your life, so, all I'm asking is a bit better treatment in return,"

After a few moments of silence Levi shook his head. "Look. Your logic is flawed because of one small detail. I didn't ask you to save me. It's by chance that you were in the right place at the right time. Everything you did and are doing now is of your own volition. Stop portraying yourself as the victim," he spat venomously.

His words stung, they offended me. But was he right? Was I being nothing more than a nuisance? The right place at the right time... Hearing that reminded me of the intense fear I had felt. Yes, there was a chance that instead of finding Levi teetering between life and death, someone, maybe me, would have found his corpse instead.

I clenched my hands into fists in my lap. "So? I decided to be selfish because, Levi, I just can't stand the thought of you dying. Do you understand that you're the only one I've got left? Everyone is either dead or going on their own paths. You and I are the only ones left stagnant. I'm not going to just let you leave. I'm angry, and you're angry, so what, who cares? You're here. I kept you here for my own personal gain. And, and..." I felt my face going red. "And I will never forgive you for waving that, that THING around in my face!" I sputtered at him.

Levi stared at me for a moment before releasing a gush of air from his nose and an odd, dry noise from his throat. "That's how you conclude your speech?" He shook his head. "Insane, Kelis."

"Was that dying croak a laugh?"

"What? No."

"Everyone laughs, you know," I reached out and nudged his arm. He shifted away but didn't seem to be too irritated at my attempt for some degree of camaraderie.

"Everyone shits too, but that doesn't make it fun," he rested his head on his arms again, so I sighed softly and returned to peeling potatoes. "What are you making...?" Levi asked quietly when I started tossing them into a pot.

"Soup. Old family recipe. It might take a while, though." I warned him, figuring that he must be really hungry by now.

"Whatever. We can kill time,"

"How so?" I glanced over my shoulder when my question was met by only silence. Levi was just looking at me, head tilted on his arms.

"Talking," he said at last. "Just a bit."

"Ah," I turned my head, smiling to myself. "So I'm worthy of speaking to now?" I teased, secretly feeling profound relief at his slight change of heart. He said 'we'.

"Oh, shut up." Levi grumbled. "Since you're keeping me in confinement I've not got a lot of choice,"

"Yeah, that's it." I laughed.

"Insufferable woman," he muttered, getting to his feet.

"Where are you going?" I asked casually, still on high alert.

"Piano. Call me down when the food's ready,"

"Wait..." I stopped myself. The piano... I could still see the blood all over the keys in my mind.

"What?" Levi gave me an irritated look.

"Nothing. Go on." I mumbled. He wouldn't try anything this time. He didn't have any sharp items with him, so it should be fine. But I still got so irrationally scared... After Levi scaled the stairs, music started drifting through the place again. A piano. I'd never seen one before, and now it was a symbol of pain and fear, a bad memory. "Pi-an-o," I murmured aloud, paying attention to how my lips moved to form the word. He was an incredible player. I could only imagine how fast his fingers had to be moving to form the strains of notes he was sending out.

I scaled the stairs slowly once the food was ready, just wanting to listen more. Levi didn't turn or stop when I opened the door, so I went and perched on the edge of the bench, making sure to sit with some distance between us. I closed my eyes and listened, feeling the melody starting to lull me to sleep. I couldn't sleep yet. "Levi," I murmured, and he stopped, letting the last note disappear like a ghost.

"Food?"

"Yeah."

"Good." He marched downstairs. I heaved a sigh and followed him slowly. My urgency in following his every move had faded. He probably wasn't going to try anything again. I hoped it with every fiber of my being.

We ate at opposite ends of the small table in the kitchen, forsaking the grand dining hall. We hardly needed any of this space... A lot more than two people could fit.

"Shit," Levi muttered when he burned his tongue after trying to dig in immediately.

"Careful, it's hot," I said, and he gave me a scathing look. Too little, too late. "So, you... You play beautifully." I complimented him tentatively. He just shrugged, stirring his soup slowly while staring down at it. "How'd you learn how to do that?"

He shrugged again. "I just know."

"Strange..." I blinked, remembering something. "Earlier, you called your underwear god-awful or something like that. Why? You confused me by saying that,"

"Normally I go commando, so it was irritating," he explained in a clipped tone.

"Oh." I blushed, focusing on my food as well. Commando…

"You're the most childish person I've ever met,"

"So? I get by,"

"Miraculously," he muttered. We sat in silence for a few minutes, the sound of spoons clinking against bowls the only deviation from the quiet we bothered to make. Levi cleared his throat, surprising me. "Come sit next to me," he said.

"What?" I stared at him.

"You're not fucking deaf," he muttered, placing his elbow on the table to prop up his face. I switched chairs, wondering why but still kind of pleased somehow. Any sign of him reaching out, no matter how small, made me long for more. "Closer."

"I'm already sitting right next to you..." I pointed out. Levi sighed before scooting his chair closer so that his thigh pressed up against mine. I flinched away at first, but sat still and let him do as he liked. He pushed his empty bowl away and laid his head down on his arms again, closing his eyes.

"I'm tired," he muttered.

"Okay?" What did he want from me?

"Where have you been sleeping?"

"I haven't." I stifled a yawn. "I've been taking care of you, so."

"... Damn idiot,"

"Better safe than sorry," I brushed hair out of his eyes on a whim.

"Don't pet me like I'm a mangy dog,"

"Yeah, yeah..." I withdrew my hand to finish my food.

"... Kelis,"

"Yeah?" I glanced down at him as I stacked the bowls.

"I changed my mind. Pet me,"

"Say what?"

"You. Are not. Fucking. Deaf."

"Geez, okay, okay..." The crabby, vulgar little... I rested my hand on his head, wondering how someone with the charm and personality of a bristling porcupine could have such soft, silky hair. It flowed between my fingers like water. I yanked my hand away when I realized that he was staring up at me. "What? What?"

"I didn't say to stop,"

"... I don't understand you at all," I muttered grumpily at him, but did as he seemed to want me to, at least for this moment. Why did he want me to do this? He was so confusing... My hand slipped away when he sat up, placing his hand on my thigh and gripping it.

"Kelis." He looked down at me, gray eyes scarily intense.

"Mmph..." I squirmed under the tightness of his hold, and he blinked once and let go.

"Get some sleep. I'll still be here in the morning." He stood and headed back towards the staircase. "The food wasn't disgusting," he called over his shoulder as a goodnight.

I sat there until the feeling of his fingers digging into my flesh faded away, then cleaned up after dinner and went up the stairs. Levi was already asleep, his face relaxed into an expression that was as close to peaceful as it could be. "Good..." I whispered, feeling my exhaustion catching up to me.

I drew up a bath for myself, feeling as if I had enough leeway to take care of myself now. After lowering myself into the water I traced over the scars on my arms with my fingertips. They were everywhere, arms, legs, face, and especially concentrated on my back. Would Levi have scars on his arms now? At least he could hide them if he did...

I couldn't get the image of him staring at me so intensely out of my head, and I really didn't know how my heart was going to handle it if things kept spinning around like this...


	5. Chapter Five: Tension

A/N

Saerenae here again! I hope you're enjoying the story so far! Scare (my best friend) and I are really enjoying writing it! We've even done some art for it! With the next Levi chapter, I'll post some that you all will be able to view! For now...enjoy!

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*Levi*

"Don't pet me like I'm a mangy dog." I knew my words were harsh, but, while I wanted Kelis close, I wasn't sure I could adequately control myself if she touched me in such an offhandedly affectionate way.

"Yeah, yeah." And like that, her hand had left me to return to its task of taking food from the bowl to her mouth. Quite a luscious mouth at that.

I tried to recall the way her lips moved when she spoke my name, but the image just wouldn't surface in my mind. Closing my eyes once again, I started thinking of ways to make her say my name. Well, I could think of some more unconventional ways that involved the both of us minus clothes, but I knew better than to attempt anything like that when exhaustion was so desperately clinging to us. Another thought came to my mind and I slowly opened my eyes, staring up at her through my lashes. "Kelis." Surely she would respond with an acknowledgement followed by my name.

"Yeah…?"

Damn. It was worth a try.

She glanced down at me as she stacked our bowls, seemingly ready to get up now that she was finished with her food. I wasn't quite ready for her to leave my side, though, causing me to attempt to make her stay sitting. "I changed my mind. Pet me." I would allow her the opportunity as a means for keeping her in her chair.

"Say what?"

Fuck, woman. "You are not fucking deaf." I enunciated each word with clipped irritation, wishing she would just get to the point.

"Geez. Okay, okay." Her words were followed by a sigh before she gently ran her fingers through my hair, staring at the table rather than at me. She seemed to be lost in thought, absentmindedly chewing on her lip.

My gaze turned a little darker, more intense, as I felt my body beginning to stir. I wanted to run my finger over her lip so that, maybe, she would stop teasing me by biting it.

Kelis seemed to sense my shift, and her gaze met mine. Quickly withdrawing her hand, her entire body tensed, ready to jump out of her chair if I made the wrong move. "What? What?"

"I didn't say to stop." I closed my eyes at the half-assed excuse to keep her near me. I couldn't keep this up for very long. I could feel my control slipping with every second that passed by. Somewhere amidst my thoughts, I heard her say something along the lines of "I don't understand you at all," but I couldn't find it in me to reply.

Her fingers gripped my hair ever so slightly and I sat up, placing my hand on her thigh as her hand fell from my hair. She stared at me with a look that resembled growing discomfort, but I couldn't release her. Not yet.

"Kelis." I wasn't sure what my purpose was for calling her name. Perhaps it was another attempt to see my name tumble over her lips, or perhaps it was an attempt to anchor myself to the present. I couldn't tell which it was, but the odd noise she made along with her fidgeting cleared my mind enough for me to notice my grip on her thigh was too tight. I blinked once to further clear my mind before releasing her. I began to rise from my chair, deciding it was best to just leave. "Get some sleep. I'll still be here in the morning." Hopefully I'd be more composed.

I watched as she visibly relaxed before I made my way to the staircase. It probably wouldn't have been a bad idea to thank her, to apologize to her, and to show my appreciation. With that thought, I decided to give her some comforting words as a way of saying good night. "The food wasn't disgusting." Well…I tried to be comforting.

I made my way to my room before shedding my clothes and neatly folding them, putting them away before making my way to my bed. I pulled the sheets back and got under them, resting on my back as I stared at the ceiling with my hands behind my head. Hearing Kelis clean up the remnants of dinner lead my thoughts back to the times she had stared at me like an animal that had been trapped and didn't particularly want to escape. There was no way in hell I was going to be able to control my body if she kept with those gazes and her thoughtless acts of affection. I closed my eyes. "Absolutely no way in hell."

Her footsteps were climbing the stairs slowly, thoughtfully, and I knew she was just coming up to check on me. She stood in my doorway, watching me for a moment as I let my chest rise and fall evenly to feign being asleep. I heard her whisper a single word under her breath, but couldn't catch exactly what it was before she turned and made her way back down the stairs.

I rolled onto my stomach and put my hands under my pillow before falling asleep with the face of that infuriating woman named Kelis painted on the back of my eyelids in colors more vivid than any I had seen in this life.

—

I woke up about an hour before the sun had even had the chance to peak over the horizon and grace us with its presence, content to have the time to thoroughly clean my room and inspect the piano room. I had checked between the keys the evening before, noting that Kelis had even gone so far as to clean there as well, and had decided to find some way to thank the woman for it. It had me pacing before the piano, trying to think of something I could do, but, after pacing for what felt like an eternity, I decided to clear my mind with a cup of tea.

I made my way down the stairs as quietly as possible, having absolutely no doubt that Kelis was still asleep. The sun still hadn't come up, after all. The sky outside the window was beginning to lighten, though, enticing me to take my tea outside to watch the sun make its entrance.

It was unusually cool outside for the summer. Refreshing. The birds were beginning to chirp to one another, gracing nature with a song to fill the otherwise stifling silence. Soon, other animals began joining the birds in their song, filling the short gaps of silence with the sound of scurrying feet along the trees or ground. Finally, a small breeze shifted through the leaves creating a quiet shush of background noise to accompany the flawless symphony nature had created.

I set my tea on the window sill and stretched, watching the sky paint itself with pinks, oranges, and the slightest hints of golds and purples. I breathed in deeply, closing my eyes as I took in the earthy scents around me, a stark contrast to the smell of blood my senses had become so unfortunately accustomed to, a contrast that was welcomed. The moment was one I wished I could capture so as to experience at any time I willed.

When I opened my eyes, the sun had started to rise above the horizon with a glorious burst of gold that cut through the pinks, purples, and oranges. In that moment, I knew exactly what I was to do in order to express my appreciation. It would be no small feat, that much was certain. However, the end result, Kelis's happiness, would be a prize of its own.

I paused.

Her happiness would be a prize?

I kicked the ground with the toe of my shoe and let out a noise resembling a growl. I was becoming too soft. That damned woman was trying to work her way into my heart and I was not having any of it. To hell with sentimentality.

Before walking back inside, I grabbed my tea and downed it. I washed and dried the cup, leaving the hot water in case Kelis wanted some tea or coffee when she woke. I blinked at the thought, putting the cup away as well as the dishes from the previous evening. Why should I care if she wanted to use the hot water? It would likely be cold when she finally got her ass out of bed anyway. My usual scowl deepened and I poured the water out of the pot before drying it.

I heard a yawn and bare feet slowly making their way into the kitchen. Damn it all to fucking hell. If she wasn't invading me in thought, she was invading me in presence. I turned to look over my shoulder, about to snap at her for no other reason than the fact I was irrationally irritated, but I was frozen in place when I saw her messy bed head, baggy shirt, and poor excuse for shorts.

She had been stretching her arms over her head, exposing a bit of her stomach, when she walked in, but she had already taken a seat and sleepily placed her cheek on the table with her hands in her lap. Obviously, she was in that awkward state of more-asleep-than-awake, but it didn't mean she had to join me with an appearance like that. "Coffee…" she muttered.

The images of her that floated through my mind weren't displeasing, but they weren't appropriate considering how they took control of my body and placed my brain elsewhere. I was still holding the pot I had just dried, deciding heating water might be a suitable distraction from my thoughts. I looked back to Kelis and all hope of a distraction fled my body as my eyes took in the amount of fair, scar adorned skin she was exposing.

Did this woman have no decency?

I knew she did and that she would normally never show that much skin, but I couldn't resist from walking over to her to get a better look. Noting her closed eyes and the bit of drool beginning to leak from her mouth, I very gently pushed her silk-like brown hair out of her face to better view the fine specimen in front of me.

The right side of her face was placed on the table, leaving the three scars that rendered her left eye blind to face upwards towards me. Her breathing had evened out again and I realized she had fallen asleep. I shook my head in mild amusement at her childlike behavior before watching her lick her lips and swallow her drool in her sleep.

That pushed me over the edge.

I bit the inside of my cheek in an effort to regain control, but I found myself lowering my face to that of the anything-but-delicate warrior in front of me. Putting my one hand on the table and the other on the back of her chair for balance, I hovered over her cheek for just a moment before placing a feather light kiss on one of her scars. Having had the intentions to only permit myself one, chaste kiss, I began to pull away, but she sighed and a content smile curved her lips.

I tightened the grip on the back of her chair and placed another kiss on the scar that went directly over her eye before trailing my lips to the third and final scar on her face. I quickly removed myself from the situation, brought back to my senses by the sound of the water boiling over.

I made coffee, the feeling of her skin under my lips and the curiosity of how her lips would feel under mine plaguing my every thought. I heard her moan at the smell of coffee, the sound sending and electric shock of heat to the pits of my stomach. "Don't do that to me, Kelis." I whispered too quietly for her to hear before filling a mug with the dark liquid she had been craving and placing it on the table beside her head. I then went to clean the pot, looking out the window as I did.

Kelis stirred and I looked over my shoulder to see her sitting up and wiping the sleep from her eyes. I grasped the counter's edge firmly, staring at her intently as she sipped the coffee and finally began to wake.

"Levi…?"

So that's what my name looked and sounded like tumbling over her lips. I wanted to indulge myself in repeatedly making her say my name, but I settled for the imaginings in my mind. It would do for now. I turned back to my task of drying the pot before answering her. "What." It wasn't a question, just a forced reply that croaked from my lips as I attempted to maintain what little control I had left.

Kelis didn't reply, causing me to shoot her a curious glance as I put the pot away. She had turned red and was clenching her baggy shirt in attempt to cover more skin. So she finally realized her position.

I kept my back to her, not wanting to show her the toll her appearance had taken on the part of my body that was attempting to do my thinking for me. I waved her away as I looked out the window to the sun which was slowly climbing into the sky. "Go dress yourself." I heard her quickly stand, the chair clattering back as she did. Shaking my head with a sigh, I listened as she stood the chair back up and scurried out of the room.

I quickly adjusted myself before taking a rag and wiping up where she had drooled on the table before walking up the stairs to the piano room. I leaned in the doorway with crossed arms, my previous endeavor of trying to find some way of expressing appreciation surfacing to the forefront of my mind.

A song.

It was that simple.

Then again, I'd never composed something. I walked over and sat on the bench, just staring at the keys and hearing a million different variations of would-be melodies. Once I found one I decided was suitable, I attempted to find the key that matched the pitch in my mind. On the second attempt, I had the basics of the melody and decided to add my own flourishes.

Though it was incomplete, I logged it in my memory to work on at a later time. I could hear Kelis down in the kitchen, though, so I made my way downstairs, my nose assaulted with the most mouth watering scents as I stepped into the room where she was humming just under her breath.

She glanced at me and her cheeks reddened ever so slightly before she turned back to whatever she was making. "Good morning." Her voice was hushed, but not a whisper, something that led me to making my way up behind her.

I placed my hands in my pockets so as to resist the urge to put them on her hips as I lessened the distance between us, looking over her shoulder from behind to see what she was making. It looked like eggs, bacon, and…were those chunks of sweet potatoes? Good god the woman knew how to make a meal.

She had stiffened when she realized I was so close, probably feeling my breath on her neck or just my general presence. "Is there something I can do for you, Levi?"

Hell yes, but I wouldn't say it. "Add a bit of onion." I said before backing away and taking a seat at the table, facing her. I took in every curve she tried to hide, lacing my hands together on the table in front of me. I uncomfortably adjusted my legs as she shifted her weight to one leg, her curves much more pronounced than before.

"So," she started, dicing an onion per my request. "There's a library in the castle." The statement was awkward, so I allowed her a moment to collect her thoughts and continue. "I thought…maybe…it would have something about the piano."

I made a noise of vague acknowledgement, taking more interest than I let on as I continued to stare.

She shifted her weight again.

"Damn it, woman." I ran my hand through my hair, not realizing I'd spoken out loud until she shot me a quizzical look over her shoulder. "Is the food almost finished?" I asked as I looked away, trying to recover from my blunder.

"Yeah." Her befuddlement was still evident on her face, but she turned back to what she had been cooking before scooping even portions onto two plates. She carried them both to the table, placing hers across from mine before fetching silverware and two cups of water. She placed one cup in front of me, leaning over ever so slightly and making me nonchalantly avert my gaze before taking her seat.

How the hell was I supposed to maintain control when she was so damn tempting?


	6. Chapter Six: Release

A/N

Sup. I'm Scare now. I can dig it. Anyways, I suppose I should warn you that the next two chapters explain why the story is rated mature. Aka there will be good old fashioned sexy time. Mwahaha. So have fun. -Scare

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* Kelis Nilifer *

I pulled on a pair of gloves to hide the scars on my hands, buttoned my shirt up to my throat, and bent over to lace up my standard black boots. After I straightened up I glanced over my shoulder at Levi. "You ready to go?"

"Your ass is huge," Was his reply, which I took to be a yes.

... Huge...? Really?

We walked side by side, in silence after leaving the house. It was fine since it wasn't a tense silence and I actually felt more comfortable in his presence now. Not entirely comfortable; he had a tendency to bother me. Not bad bother, just... I was bothered. I didn't get it myself…

"Why do we have to do this...?" Levi muttered when we reached the castle entrance.

"I've got to figure out what I'm going to do with my future now that we actually have one. Historia said that she might have a few positions available." I explained, receiving a grunt as a reply.

Once inside I glanced each way down the hall that branched off into three directions. I didn't actually know where I was going... "Kelis!" Pixis descended on the scene like a moustached guardian angel.

"Coming to my rescue again?" I smiled at him, and he laughed.

"It's the forward hallway, up the first set of stairs you see and the last room at the end of the hall you'll go into. Got it?"

"You might have to say it again, slower," Levi said quietly.

"Understood." I reached out and punched Levi on the shoulder, harder than I needed to. There. Now we were even both for that snarky comment and his comment about my rear, which he shouldn't have been looking at in the first place.

Wait.

Was he looking...? Why?

"Levi! Why don't you hang back here, and have a little chat with me?" Pixis clapped him on the shoulder. "It's either that or go hang out with the queen,"

"I'm not too fond of either prospect," Levi muttered. He glanced at me, and I saw his gaze travel quickly, almost unnoticeably, over me. What was he looking at?!

"Geez! Just stay here!" I snapped and jogged up the staircase and knocked on the door that Pixis had directed me to. It was Levi's fault, for making me so nervous, for bothering me...

As promised, Historia was waiting inside the room. It seemed to be more of an office than an official sitting room, more for small, private conversations. "Kelis," she stood and shook my hand firmly.

"For starters, how formally would you like me to address you?" I asked, deciding to get my primary concern out of the way.

The queen chuckled. "Just Historia is fine, if you don't mind."

"Alright then." I sat across from her, my host being seated on the other side of a desk that was littered with papers. "Thank you for taking the time to see me. I don't think we've spoken since before peacetime," I commented.

"We haven't... Honestly, I've missed the days from before in some small ways... There were more good people around me..." she shook her head. "What kind of job are you interested in?"

"Before that, there was something I wanted to ask you about. Commander Pixis mentioned that there was a possible group of rebels. What exactly is happening in regards to that?"

Historia sighed and leaned back in her chair. "Thus far it's been nothing serious. Some written threats." She shifted uncomfortably.

"What? What is it?"

"In the letters, there was some personal information that no ordinary, random person would have been able to know. About Ymir and I..." Sorrow was evident in both her voice and angelic features.

"So you're thinking that someone who knows you personally may be threatening your life?" I asked, narrowing my eyes.

"That's the only possible conclusion." She pinched the bridge of her nose.

"Historia." I leaned forward in my chair. "As to available positions, how about a bodyguard?"

Her eyes widened. "Really? You're being serious."

"This isn't a joking matter. A threat to you is a threat to the peace we've attained. I want to help somehow." I looked intensely into her eyes.

"I'll consult Pixis, but I'm quite open to the idea." Yes, Pixis had become her right hand man, and a good one at that.

"Alright." I nodded once, satisfied.

"If it works out, you would need to move into the castle here. Pixis informed me that you've been living with Levi, who has been... Having some trouble. How would that situation work out if you were to become my bodyguard?"

"I'm sure that, if you're not opposed, I could drag him with me. I'm not incredibly fond of letting him out of my sight too often yet," I admitted.

"Hm... Well, if you actually want him with you then I'm not going to stand in your way."

"Thank you. Please inform me of your decision when you make it." I stood and bowed formally.

"Wait." Historia stood and moved to be standing in front of me. "Look me in the eyes. Please."

"Yes...?"

"Why don't you hate me? I killed Eren, after all." Her eyes were lit up with raw emotion, so I placed a hand on her shoulder and squeezed it.

"It wasn't you. Not really. It was the people. We both know that." I said quietly, then tilted my head in thought. "You know, what you did back then was a lot like what Levi was always doing when the titans were still around. Always making the hard decisions... That'll wear on a person..." I dropped my hand. "I suppose that that's why I want to help you so much."

"... Then I thank you." She smiled for the first time.

"And you as well." I returned the expression before leaving and heading back to the entrance hall, where Levi was sitting with his head bowed between his knees. "Levi?"

"What the hell took you so long?" He asked, sounding grumpy.

"Just taking care of business," I crouched down next to him, and he turned his head to look at me. It made me freeze up, because it was in that way he had been looking at me lately, too intense, and too... Enticing. Which was scary.

"Come on. That rat bastard Pixis actually did something useful and told me where the library was," he finally said, then jumped up to his feet and strode away, leaving me to scramble to follow him.

The library was the most amazing thing I had seen yet, besides the piano and Levi's playing. "Oh..." I turned around in slow circles. There were shelves, all filled to the brim with books, at least three times taller than I was, and a staircase that led to an even higher level with still more selections. "How are we ever going to find a single book in here?"

"There's supposed to be a specific way to organize..." Levi muttered half to himself before wandering away from me. I sighed and drifted over to a random shelf, pulling out a title bound in leather and flipping it open. There were detailed diagrams of leaves inside, and recipes on adjacent pages. Tea leaves... Levi would probably appreciate this on some level.

"Levi..." I turned around only to find him already standing behind me.

"What?" He asked quietly, taking a step closer to be standing over me when I didn't reply immediately.

I forced words to form themselves. "I found this... It looks like it's a recipe book, for tea, with different kinds of leaves. Y-you like tea, so, maybe you'd want to see it?" I couldn't breathe regularly all of a sudden. Too close... I chewed on my lip, a nervous tic that I had always hated. I couldn't help it, and it always betrayed my feelings.

"Maybe." He held up a different title. "You were right. I found this upstairs. It's filled with a lot of information, about mechanics and whatnot." He shrugged.

"So, information you don't need. Because you can already play just fine. Oh well..." I sighed.

"... I might still read it, see if I learn something new." He frowned and punched me on the shoulder like I had done to him, but without nearly as much force. "But if I end up wasting my time it's completely your fault."

"What about this one?" I held out the tea book to him, eyes wide, feeling like an excited child.

"Fine, just stop being so damn pushy..." Levi took it from my hands and then cut a glare at me. "Can we go now?"

"Okay." I didn't want the walk home to be silent this time. I wanted to hear his voice more. "This morning, thank you for making coffee for me." Usually I was able to wake right up, but this morning I had felt completely out of it, ducking in and out of sleep…

"You were being gross, so I wanted you to hurry the hell up and start acting like a normal fucking human being again," Levi stated in a monotone.

"Ah." I nodded, then chuckled. "You know, the way your humor works doesn't offend me at all. I like that about you," I smiled up at him.

"Oh really," he muttered, refusing to look at me.

I stifled a yawn. Was I still tired? Probably just needed to catch up on my sleep for one more night... "What'd you talk with Pixis about?" I asked, very curious.

"None of your fucking business," Levi snapped immediately.

"You know..." I sighed. "I'm pretty sure that whenever you use language like that it's just a sort of defense mechanism... It's fine if you don't want to tell me." I paused, shaking my head. "Listen, I'm tired, so... If you get hungry, there are leftovers. Will you be okay?"

"Meaning, will I try to kill myself again?" Levi scoffed. "I don't need you hovering over me."

"Okay." I walked past him, sighing softly.

"Kelis,"

I stopped walking, but said nothing.

"I'm trying, too." Levi muttered.

I smiled, my heart swelling at his words, how he had no idea how much they meant to me. "And that's enough for me." I went and settled into bed, and took a short nap before waking up to quiet music. The sun was setting, so I'd been asleep for maybe four to five hours.

I padded to the piano room, finding Levi sitting there. He would play something, then shake his head, then play a different version of what had sounded out previously. "What are you playing?" I asked, sitting closer to him on the bench this time.

"Nothing." He said firmly, but not harshly.

"I'm always so fascinated by you when you play." I admitted quietly. "By the way you move, just everything..." I caught my breath when he leaned over and grabbed my arms tightly, dragging me closer to him before finally seating me in his lap. He extended his arms on either side of me, taking my hands with his and placing them on the cool keys of the piano.

"Watching each other move..." he gently fussed with my fingers, slowly helping me play out a sweet melody. "Helpless, fighting against..." his chest pressed on my back as he leaned forward to move our arms to the right, playing higher notes. "Desires..." he whispered, breath hot on my ear. "I've been wondering." His hands left mine, and the music stopped, the sudden silence revealing the speed and volume my breathing had escalated to. He wrapped one arm around my stomach to keep me anchored to him, and his other hand started rubbing on my thigh, tracing the thin scars. "What happens when I just stop fighting?"

"What are you doing?" I whimpered, body going hot all over.

"Are you reluctant...? Then push me away. Now, or never."

"But what are you going to do to me?" I whispered, then let out a strangled gasp as he tugged my shorts and underwear down to my knees. His wrist rested on my thigh, hand hovering between my legs.

"You understand now. Either push me away or accept what happens next. I'm done controlling myself."

"Ah... Ah..." I let out small distressed sounds, unable to form words or coherent thought.

"Fine..." Levi pushed his fingers between my legs, stroking gently and tilting his head to rest against mine. He let out an amused noise when my fingers clamped down on the piano keys, sending a random burst of notes into the air.

"Mm!" I jerked my body when he suddenly pushed in a different place that intensified the feeling overwhelming my body. "Levi," I gasped, and then he started pushing harder, moving faster. "I can't... stop..." Why couldn't I control myself around him? Why was he doing this...? He sank two fingers deep inside, and wet squelching sounds pervaded the room, loud and humiliating, undeniable evidence of my response and feeling. He shoved them back and forth with so much force that my body went slack, unused to and unprepared for it. "Levi..." I moved my hands to grip the edge of the bench, and closed my eyes to try and detach myself from the sheer confusion of the situation.

"Kelis..." Levi murmured into my neck, making me open my eyes. From my peripheral vision I glimpsed that his eyes were closed in contentment, his lips slightly parted. It moved my heart, just looking at him. And that... That was why this was happening, wasn't it? We were both allowing for it. It took two. He had given me a chance to escape, hadn't he? But I hadn't. Hadn't wanted to... The realization shook everything around irreversibly.

"Levi!" I squealed, involuntarily tightening around his hand, arching my body off of his and twisting and trembling before collapsing back against him, breathing hard. I couldn't move, or think...

"Kelis," I caught a glimpse of his fingers, slicked and shiny with moisture. Levi wrapped his arms around my waist and bowed his head into the crook of my neck. "Whatever happens next... You're prepared to accept it, right?"

"..." I let out a few shallow, high-pitched breaths. "Y-yes..."


	7. Chapter Seven: Desperation

A/N

Okay! So, here's your warning: SEXUAL CONTENT. Quite a bit of it too. You've had your warning! And I apologize that I haven't been able to post where to see the art Scare and I have done for this story. I promise we will get it up eventually! Any ways, I figured I would post two chapters today since chapter six kinda leaves you hanging. Enjoy! -Saerenae

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*Levi*

"You understand now. Either push me away or accept what happens next. I'm done controlling myself." I was already impatient to begin, but I had to give her a choice. I refused to force myself on her, now matter how badly my body wanted me to just ravage her on the spot. To further add to my impatience, she let out small sounds of distress, causing the organ that had captured my brain to tighten even more. "Fine." No longer able to wait on her to form a coherent sentence, I moved slowly and methodically, allowing her plenty of opportunities to push me away.

I rested my head against hers as my fingers teased her already moist folds, realizing she too must have been either denying her feelings or just ignorant to them. I watched as her hands clamped down on the piano keys, a discordant array of noise filling the room along with her pants and quiet noises of pleasure. The sight was laughable, bringing forth an odd noise of amusement from my throat as my scowl softened to an almost smile.

I changed the angle of my hand just slightly and was rewarded with a moan and a pleasurable jerk of her body. I closed my eyes, deriving pleasure from the sound of my name cascading over her tongue and out her lips. I slightly increased the force and speed I used in pleasuring her, listening as words fell out of her mouth between her heavy breathing and her moans.

"I can't…stop…" She managed.

I inserted two fingers, still teasing her with my thumb as I thrusted my fingers in and out. I wanted it to be so much more than just my fingers inside her when she let my name fall from her lips yet again, but I knew her body wasn't properly prepared. The arousal basically poking through my pants was borderline painful, and, when she placed her hands on the bench, she had managed to rub it with that glorious ass of hers. "Kelis."

More than anything, I wanted to run my lips across the beautiful plains of her scarred shoulders and neck. I closed my eyes, maintaining a steady rhythm with my hand as my mind wandered to a place where I didn't have to restrain myself, a place where I could do exactly as I pleased to her when I pleased. I could feel her tightening around me, close to her release.

"Levi!" It wasn't quite a yell that escaped her lips as she arched her back, but I fully intended to hearing my name spill from her lips many more times. She slumped back against me and it was all I could do not to just throw her over my shoulder and haul her to my bedroom.

"Kelis," I murmured to gain her attention once again, wrapping my arms around her waist. "Whatever happens next…" I paused for a moment, trying not to think of the horrid possibilities that could follow. "You're prepared to accept it, right?"

Each of her labored breaths were like small eternities as she collected her thoughts. While I knew without a doubt I regretted none of what had happened, I didn't know how she felt about the situation. Her voice was a welcomed relief. "Y-yes." She stammered.

I pressed my lips to her shoulder, making my way up her neck as one of my hands wandered up her side under her shirt. I pushed her hair out of the way, my fingers momentarily lingering over the scars that adorned her neck and shoulder. I breathed in her scent before using both hands to push her shirt up her sides. "Kelis." I kissed just under her ear, my urgency starting to leak through my calm façade. "Lift your arms."

She complied sluggishly and I pulled her shirt over her head before completely relinquishing her of her shorts and underwear, leaving her in only her bra.

"Face me."

She was still for a long while before finally crossing her arms over her chest and standing to face me.

I looked up at her and her amusing attempt to cover herself, taking each of her wrists in my hands and gently pulling them away from her body to gaze upon her. "There's no point in being bashful now, dumbass." I muttered, taking in the expanse of her fair skin. I leaned forward and kissed her stomach, making my way up until I, too, was standing and again kissing her neck.

She moaned and closed her eyes, biting her lip as if trying to keep herself quiet.

I swiftly scooped her up in my arms, earning a yelp of surprise as I began making my way out of the piano room and towards my bed room. I unceremoniously dropped her on my bed, hearing another surprised yelp, before shedding my shirt and dropping it on the floor in a messy heap. I put one knee on the bed and stared at the young woman in front of me. The logical side of me was screaming some nonsense about her being half my age, but the brain in my pants was telling me it didn't matter.

She must have sensed my split moment of hesitation, boldly sitting up and running a hand across my stomach with a smile. Biting her lip, she looked up at me with a blush, finally taking note of my rock hard member. She ran her fingers over the clasp of my belt before agonizingly slowly undoing it.

"Damn it, Kelis." I growled, pushing my pants down and kicking them off. "It doesn't take a fucking eternity to get undressed." I pushed her back on the bed, hovering over her as her legs dangled over the side. I ran a finger over her collarbone before tracing it through the valley of her still covered breasts. That needed to change.

Kelis was gazing up at me with a dazed expression as I wedged on hand between her and the bed, unclamping the contraption that hid a part of her from me. Her face reddened even more when I stripped her of her last covering. A gasp escaped her lips when I lowered my mouth to one of her breasts, kneading the other with my hand while placing my hips between her legs. "Levi!" She cried out again.

I removed my hand from her breast, trailing it down her stomach and to the warm wetness between her thighs as my tongue continued to tease the other rosy bud. I teased her most sensitive spot once more with my fingers, kissing between her breasts before moving my tongue to the other so as not to neglect it.

Her body jerked under me, her hips rising and falling in attempt to ride my hand as she bit down on her knuckle.

It took everything in me not to forego preparation and just shove myself inside her, but I didn't want to cause her any pain due to my well endowment. I could feel her tightening once more and I knew I wouldn't have to wait much longer.

She arched her back and fisted the sheets in her hands, trying to lift her hips to mine. "Levi…!"

With the sound of my name accompanying her orgasm, I removed my mouth from her breast and grabbed her hips, quickly thrusting myself inside her. "Dear god, Levi…" I heard her cry in ecstasy, but I didn't continue thrusting. I let her body adjust around mine as I leaned over her again.

She surprised me by wrapping her arms around me and pulling me down to her.

I ran a hand through her hair and began moving my hips, eliciting more arousing noises from Kelis as she ran her fingers across my back. "Fuck…" I murmured when she wrapped her legs around my waist, making it easier to thrust and hit her special spot. "Gah!" I heard her gasp, feeling myself drawing closer and closer to the release I'd been in need of.

Again, the logical part of my brain chimed in, and, just as I was about to finish, I pulled out and dropped to the edge of the bed, my tongue lapping up the wetness of her folds as I stroked myself. I didn't look up to Kelis, knowing it would make her shy; instead, I focused my efforts on giving her the most pleasure I could with my tongue. I felt myself on the edge, but wouldn't let myself release before her, knowing the blinding pleasure would render me a bit clumsy.

"Levi!" It was the scream I'd been waiting for. I allowed myself the dizzying pleasure of completion a moment after her, sitting back on the floor as I listened to the sound of our heavy breathing and took in the smell I'd associate with sex from then on.

"Levi…?" Kelis sleepily called after our breathing had finally calmed to a sensible rhythm.

"Hmm." I didn't give her an actual answer as I sat up and began gathering our clothes, deciding that tomorrow would be another day for thorough cleaning, including washing the sheets, our clothes, and ourselves. An image of bathing with her flashed in my mind and I was forced to shoo it away before my body decided to go a second round.

I looked back to her after not receiving a reply only to find she had dozed off. Shaking my head, I ran a hand through my hair and went to gather the clothes we had discarded in the piano room before taking them downstairs. The chill of the evening nipped at my bare skin as I made my way to Kelis's room, entering without hesitation and setting out to find one of those baggy shirts I knew she always wore to bed. Finding one, I took it up stairs and maneuvered her into it, covering her with my blankets before leaving the room to retrieve a rag so I could clean up at least a bit of the mess we had made. I cleaned myself and Kelis as well as I could before placing the rag with the rest of our dirty laundry and returning to my room.

I pulled on a pair of pants and sat on the small couch, knowing that, no matter how exhausted I was, sleep wouldn't take me captive with Kelis in my bed. Seeing the two books we had taken from the library on the small coffee table, I lit a candle and decided to browse them.

I finished reading both books just as the flame of the candle giving me light began to wane, the wick almost gone. I blew it out and made sure not to spill any wax as I stood with it in my hand. I walked towards the door, sparing a glance at Kelis, who was sleeping soundly, before walking out and back downstairs. I knew it was probably closer to morning than it was midnight, so I boiled some water and made tea, deciding to venture down the hall to stand in front of what had been my former study.

I had no doubt everything was just as it was last time I had been in there, which was before I had so ruthlessly taken the lives of Eren and Ymir. I sipped my tea, slowly running my hand over the wooden door before finally opening it and stepping inside. Closing the door behind me, I noted the thin layer of dust that coated everything in the room. There was no sense in cleaning it right now. That hadn't been the purpose of my venture.

I set my tea on my old desk, not daring to sit in the chair that had been witness to so many difficultly made decisions. Walking around the desk, I slowly reached to open the top drawer to be greeted by a pair of glasses, an emerald bolo tie, and countless patches with the wings of freedom on them. "It's been a while." I whispered to no one in particular as I gently picked up the glasses and bolo tie, walking over to the small bookshelf that was near the corner of the room. There was a a map with the final formation written on it tacked to the wall caddie cornered to the bookshelf, as well as a flag with the scouts emblem on it

I dropped both items that were in my hands and shoved all the books from one shelf to the floor before ripping at the map with a roar of emotion. Loose papers and dust flying everywhere, I kicked one of the books before I leaned into the corner and slid to the ground. Pixis's words from when Kelis and I had visited the castle still rang in my ears and I had been trying to deny them, distract myself from them—distract myself from everything—to no avail.

 _Pixis stared at me, waiting for Kelis to finally make her exit. He placed his hands behind his back and stood with his feet shoulder width apart, a military habit that didn't die easily. "You are quite a puzzle, Levi." He stated after a while, not necessarily accusing me, just stating a fact._

 _I didn't say anything as I waited for him to continue, but my scowl did grow darker as I was plagued with the uneasy feeling that I knew where his conversation was about to lead._

 _"You know," he turned and started slowly walking to the other wall, gazing nonchalantly at the art that was so elegantly placed. "If you had truly wanted to kill yourself, you would've slit your wrists properly."_

 _I felt as though he had ripped open my armored exterior and was gazing into my very soul, the weight of it all pushing me to sit._

 _"Don't worry that girl into thinking you want to die when you yourself are too afraid to leave this world." With that, he walked off and let me stew in my misery._

I brought my knees to my chest, capturing one of my arms between my chest and legs in a desperate attempt to hold myself together as I hit the wall I was leaning on with my other hand. I silently cursed those who had left before me, I cursed myself for not having the will to join them, and I cursed myself for having the audacity to distract myself rather than face my problems head on. "Damn it…" I choked out, my chest tightening as I saw Zoë's glasses and Erwin's bolo tie amongst the wreckage.

I squeezed my eyes shut and further curled in on myself, trying to hold in the emotions that had been ravaging my soul for years. I could almost feel Zoë sit beside me and rest her head on my shoulder as she ran her hand across my back…I could almost sense Erwin kneeling in front of me and whispering words of encouragement, words I so desperately needed to hear. "Damn it!" I shouted as I hit the wall once more, all reservation lost as the emotions I had so carefully locked away surfaced for the first time in years, running down my cheeks like rogues escaping their maximum security prison.

I remained there in that miserable state, the image of Zoë and Erwin never once leaving my me, making me believe they were truly there in my time of desperate need. They were there for me like I hadn't been for them, and it was a truly painful fact.


	8. Chapter Eight: Devotion

A/N

I know this is Scare's chapter, but I, Saerenae, uploaded it for her. She's doing awesome things like going to college and such, so for now I'll write this. Worry not! :P I'll have her rewrite this author's note. To my original point, though. I've been meaning to show some art, but I keep forgetting to upload it. So, if you're interested, go onto DeviantArt and look up my profile, Kinomi13 (don't judge the name, it was 5 years ago), and look under the folder "Never Ending" in my gallery! It only has one picture at the moment, but I'll try to get some more uploaded soon! Hope you like it!

Sup. This is Scare. I'm not gonna rewrite the author's note. Just say hey. Hehe.

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* Kelis Nilifer *

Ow. Ow. Ow. I squirmed as I sat up, swinging my legs over the side of the bed. It was like jamming a square into the hole where the circle was supposed to go... I gnawed on my lip nervously and wrapped the blanket around myself as I stood, realizing that I was still naked from the waist down. I took a breath before bolting down the stairs and finding shelter in my room, slamming the door shut.

I threw my shirt off and grabbed a new set of clothes, glancing down at myself as I pulled underwear up my legs. My body didn't look the same to me anymore. These places had been kissed, licked, teased, everything had been done by a man who stirred emotions in me that were scary. I felt bold, remembering the tremulous smile I had given him as reassurance, invitation. Oh yes, it was scary. The way our bodies overpowered our minds. The things I'd said, screamed out...

I emerged fully dressed in my conservative regular attire, noticing that water for tea had been made. It was cold now. The sun was starting to rise... How long had I been out? Had Levi ever gone to sleep? I roamed around the bottom floor of the house, searching for him despite having no idea how to face him.

I found him in the corner of his study, huddled in on himself. I stopped, frozen in my tracks. Things had been thrown around, strewn across the floor. The room was its own little wasteland. "Levi...?" Something definitely wasn't right. I shook my shock off and approached him, kneeling and reaching out to tentatively touch his arm.

"Go away." He shrugged off my touch.

"What's wrong? What happened?" I asked softly, trying to get him to look at me. When he did raise his head, I realized that his eyes were red and slightly swollen. "Levi," I scooted forward, reaching out to touch his cheek. "Talk to me... I want to help you..." He had to know that that was all I truly wanted in the world.

"I told you to get the fuck away from me!" He forced me away with a hard push to my chest with both hands. I feel backward and landed winded, sprawled out awkwardly. I scrambled back up to my knees, staring at him. What had happened? He had touched me with... With what? Love? How could I even try to fool myself into thinking that anything he had done to my body was motivated by affection and love?

"Stop it," I mumbled. "Stop playing around with me like this," I clung to him desperately every time he seemed to let me in. It was just me setting myself up for failure and pain, wasn't it? But I couldn't stop myself. I needed to keep trying to get him to really embrace living, for my own sake as well. I threw myself forward and wrapped my arms tightly around his back. He reacted violently, flailing his fists around, hitting my front. But I kept my hold until he fell still.

"Kelis," He murmured, and I let go of him, backing away. "We're going to clean today." His voice was flat and emotionless, his eyes dead.

"Okay then." I stood, feeling my legs tremble. I'd give him as many chances as he needed. After all, he was the one who had changed my entire life, even if he didn't know it. I would stay by his side forever, even if the truth never dawned on him.

"You stay out of here. I'll take care of it myself. We've got to wash those damn sheets." He cut a glare at me. "You made them filthy."

"Not just me," I snapped, glaring back defiantly. No way would I let him break me down even more. "I'll get started on laundry. You do what you want," I stalked out, then slouched my shoulders and pinched the bridge of my nose once I was out of sight. It wasn't easy, dedicating myself to him. But it was the path I had chosen.

We stayed out of each other's way as we cleaned the place from top to bottom. If we did pass each other, he would look right through me. That hurt so much that I ended up just pointedly looking away so I wouldn't have to see his dead face.

I was hanging laundry on a string outside when I heard footsteps coming up the front path. Attached to them were familiar voices, ones that echoed in my mind like fond memories. I ran over to the fence and then let out a cry, leaping over it clumsily, almost falling on my face.

"Kelis!" The two men, my former comrades, said my name with big smiles at the same time.

"Armin! Jean!" I threw my arms around their necks, my feet dangling above the ground. They hugged me back before setting me back down. "Oh my... You're here! I can't believe it," I kept a hold of their sleeves, making sure that they wouldn't just disappear from me. "Why are you back? Not that I'm not ecstatic, but..."

"We found the sea," Armin smiled softly.

"We stayed out there for a while after scattering Eren's ashes, but we felt like we left some things unresolved," Jean explained, and for the first time I noticed that they were holding hands.

Armin smiled bashfully when he noticed my blatant stare. "Um, yeah."

"Well, good." I smiled warmly, then raised my eyebrows at them. "Unresolved business?"

"I wanted to talk to him." Armin said seriously. "To Levi."

"That's why you came here... Did you hear from Historia?"

"Yes. She filled us in on his current condition. I was surprised at first, but now that I think about it, it's not..." Armin frowned.

"It's not hard to believe that he would want to give in," Jean finished.

"Alright. Come on in, then... We've been cleaning today,"

"Why am I not surprised? Just like old times," Jean snorted.

"Be careful. Levi's in a rotten mood today," I warned. "He normally is, but, you know."

"No wonder you look so stressed," Armin commented. I pulled a Levi and made a vague noise in response. Why did I have to be such an open book?

I was making tea when Levi came into the kitchen, accompanied by a dark cloud that rained on, struck with lightning, and burned down any happiness it encountered. "What the fuck are these two bastards doing here? Fucking great," he muttered before heading up the stairs.

"See? Told you so," I sighed, and placed four cups of tea on the table.

"I'm gonna kick his ass before three o'clock," Jean muttered, cracking his knuckles. It was around two forty-five.

"Don't worry too much about it." I shook my head, smiling reassuringly at him. "He'll come around." At least, I hoped so.

"You sure are a tough one," Jean commented. "I wouldn't be able to deal with him for more than two minutes before throwing his tiny ass out the window,"

"Please restrain yourself from doing so." I said as I walked towards the stairs. "Levi!" I called up. "Tea for you when you want it," He should just be counting himself lucky I didn't try to poison him or at the very least spit in his drink. Of course, after what he had licked up, spit wouldn't really bother him, would it... I shook my head to banish mental images. The warmth they made me feel was too sharp a contrast to the hurt I felt. All because of him...

Levi came down the stairs moments later, downed his tea, and then grabbed my wrist and dragged me outside with him, leaving the back door swinging ajar. "Hey, what are you..." I trailed off when he pulled me into the same shack in which I had subjected him to a cold bath.

Now Levi gestured to a freshly drawn bath. "You're still filthy right now. Clean it all off." He turned to leave, but paused. "How does it feel?" He asked quietly. "Knowing you can never erase the way I tainted you?"

"..." I gazed at his back, noting the defeated slump of his shoulders that matched mine. "It feels just fine," I said softly. Levi's posture stiffened and straightened when he registered my words. He whirled around, anger darkening his face, brow harshly furrowed.

"Dammit!" He grabbed me under the arms and tossed me into the bath. I slipped underwater for a second and came up sputtering.

"Wh-why," I gasped. "It's so cold," I desperately wiped water away from my good eye so I could see. Was this some sort of revenge?

"You fucking idiot!" Levi bunched up some of my hair in his hand and made me look at him. "It's not like you're just some whore! So why don't you even care that I just used you?"

I shook my head helplessly. "It wasn't... like that. Not for me." I shivered as cold water coated my skin through my clothes, spreading shivers over my body.

"Shit..." Levi released my hair and backed away.

"Why are you doing this to me? You have to know how it's making me feel. You can't just pretend..." I trailed off and looked at the doorway. The commotion had attracted Armin and Jean to the scene.

"What'd you do to her?" Jean asked, moving to stand between Levi and I.

"Here..." Armin helped me out.

"Jean, just l-leave it alone," I stammered through chattering teeth, rubbing my arms. "Here, lemme show you two to a room where you can stay," I led them back inside and gave them a room two doors down from mine, just in case.

"Will you be okay?" Armin frowned. "I really don't like this,"

"Trust me, it's fine. I'll see you two later," I shut the door to my room and locked it behind me, then stripped out of my wet clothes and curled up naked in bed, clinging a heavy quilt to my body and feeling defeated. Levi was driving me insane with the twists and turns, the things he did to make me even more attached to him. He had no idea how devoted I was or why, and I had no idea what he was thinking or feeling, really. For things to move on from our stalemate, something had to give.


	9. Chapter Nine: Forgiven

A/N

So, I was talking to Scare about how different we are in the real world versus our writing. Neither of us really curse, I'm more of a "beat around the bush" kind of person when it comes to explicit topics, and Scare is more likely to just say things as they are. When we were first coming up with this story, we were on a walk around our local park deciding whether or not we should really rate it "M." I, being the one to beat around the bush, tried asking without really asking if we were going to have our characters do anything explicit. Scare, being straightforward, corrected me by plainly asking "so you wanna know if they're gonna bang?" And again, in our latest chat, we were talking about some interesting facts about Attack on Titan and how, in one of the chapters of the manga, there was a panel where, if you turn it upside down in Japanese, there was an extremely vulgar message. I was attempting to say "it proves our theory about Levi..." Scare again made it clear. "He's horny?"

Just thought I'd share that little tidbit with you! As of right now, we're making what could be some pretty interesting advancements with the plot (we've written up to chapter thirteen already). It's a lot of fun, but we might have to slow down our uploads to once a week depending on how much we can work on it with Scare being in college and me being a lazy bum waiting to apply for college.

Sorry for the super long A/N! I really hope you enjoy this chapter!

-Saerenae

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*Levi*

"Fuck!" It was the first word that slipped from my mouth after loudly slamming the door to the piano room closed behind me. My head was chaos, an absolute wreckage due to all the overwhelming thoughts and emotions. I let my back hit the wall beside the door hard enough to knock the air from my lungs before I slid down to sit on the floor in a pathetic heap.

I knew what I was doing to her was wrong, but I couldn't have her growing attached to me. The guilt of what I'd done to her, of what I'd used her for, weighed me down. Lashing out had just become the easiest thing to do to deny what I felt, even if it wasn't the right thing to do.

I hit the back of my head against the wall, staring out the glass panes of the balcony door that were on the other side of the room. Not only did I have to deal with my guilt towards Kelis, I had to deal with the guilt of facing the close friends of the one whose life I'd so ruthlessly taken. I hit my head against the wall again, wanting to just make the thoughts disappear.

There was a knock at the door.

"Go the fuck away." At this point, I didn't care if it was the queen knocking at my door. I just wanted to be alone. I was met with silence, which both pleased and annoyed me.

Whoever had come up hadn't left.

I sighed and closed my eyes, a memory suddenly clouding my thoughts no matter how arduously I attempted to push it away.

 _"Levi!" Zoë nudged me with her elbow, causing me to almost spill my tea. "You crabby little shit." She rolled her eyes at me as we took our seats at the table where Erwin was looking over a map while waiting for us._

 _I set my cup on the table and stared at Erwin whose face brightened with a smile elicited by Zoë's jabs. "Fuck off, four eyes." I grumbled before looking at the plate of food before me and picking up a fork._

 _"And you!" She picked up her fork and put her elbows on the table, pointing her utensil at Erwin._

 _Erwin looked up from his map to the irate scientist with one eye brow raised, popping a piece of meat in his mouth with his fork while resting his chin on his hand._

 _Zoë stabbed something green on her plate that vaguely resembled a small cabbage. Shoving it in her mouth, she continued, waving her fork around for emphasis. "You shouldn't be allowing this behavior from him!" Her eyes raked over me as I ate before they moved to my plate._

 _"I'm his commander, not his nanny." Erwin stated with a suppressed chuckle. His eyes shifted to me. "If the 'crabby little shit' wants to—"_

 _"Levi!" Zoë interrupted with an appalled gasp. "You aren't eating your vegetables!"_

 _I gave Erwin a look expressing how much I just wanted to knock her out so she would shut up for two seconds, pissed when his eyes lit up with contained laughter. "Who the fuck cares if I don't eat my damn vegetables, Zoë?"_

 _She huffed and stabbed a vegetable on my plate with her fork, tackling me and making us both fall off the bench with her on top. Grabbing my nose so I couldn't breathe through it, she pressed the mini cabbage-looking thing to my lips. "Eat it!" She demanded as I glared at her._

 _I quickly gained control of my arms and switched our positions, staring down at her pouting face with the smile only she could tell was a smile. I watched as her pout turned into a smile._

 _"That's better." She stated as she wiggled and tried to get free, but I held her in place and crossed my arms. "Come on, Levi…" Her eyes turned to an oddly serious stare, causing my curiosity to get the better of me. Zoë wiggled her arms free, slowly reaching for my arms._

 _I got off of her, but remained on the floor when she grabbed me by my elbow. My eyes found hers and I was shocked to find her eyes brimming with tears as she flipped my hand over and ran her hand down my forearm to the still healing wound on my wrist. I quickly realized I was no longer in my memory, but more of a mix between dream and reality. Even with this realization, I couldn't bring myself to speak._

 _Erwin stood from the table, walking around to join the both of us on the floor, everything other than the three of us seeming to melt away into nothingness. "Levi," his voice was hushed as he stared at the wound I had inflicted on myself, making me want to hide it from both his eyes and Zoë's eyes. "You can't go on like this." He met my eyes, making sure I really heard his words._

 _Zoë hadn't released my arm from her grasp, her fingers gently caressing where the blade had torn my flesh. "Please don't do this to yourself." Her words were filled with sorrow that didn't suit her. "You're human, Levi." She met my eyes with hers and smiled through her pain filled eyes. "It's okay to feel hurt."_

 _Erwin placed a reassuring hand on my shoulder. "What you're doing isn't going to make anything better." His kind eyes softened and his lips curled into a sad smile. "Kelis doesn't deserve the pain you're inflicting on her."_

 _Zoë slowly nodded in agreement. "We all know 'I'm sorry' isn't in your vocabulary, but it'd be enough of an apology to her if you would just stop lashing out when all she wants is to help."_

 _My heart throbbed in painful realization towards just how true their words were._

 _"And Levi?" Erwin's hand tightened on my shoulder, but not uncomfortably so. "It's okay to forgive yourself." He let go of my shoulder and put his hand on his knee to stand. "You can't blame everything on yourself."_

 _Zoë released my wrist, her fingers lingering on my skin for a moment before she stood beside Erwin, both of them smiling down on me. "We're right here if you ever need us." She patted over her heart before she turned away._

 _Erwin began to turn as well, but stared at me for a moment longer as if debating whether or not to tell me something. Having apparently decided to enlighten me, he spoke. "Kelis is beyond devoted to you. She will never leave or betray you." He turned away, joining Zoë. "It wouldn't hurt to show her some trust." He threw over his shoulder._

I slowly opened my eyes, but didn't move, realizing I must have dozed off when I saw the color of the sky painted by the setting sun.

"Captain?" Armin's voice called from the other side of the door.

I sighed and ran a hand through my hair. "It's commander now." I quietly replied, still able to hear Erwin and Zoë in my mind.

Armin took my reply as an okay to enter, opening the door and closing it behind him. Seeing me sitting up against the wall, he followed suit, leaning against and sliding down the door. "My apologies, commander." He stared at the piano for a moment, resting his hands on the floor beside him. "I didn't see you wearing a bolo tie like the other commanders."

I didn't reply, not wanting to tell him I couldn't bring myself to wear what had once belonged to such a precious friend. I wasn't exactly sure how to face the young man in the room with me. Did he still hate me?

"I forgive you."

My eyes widened in shock and I looked over to him, wondering if it was some cruel joke. "Don't fuck with me, kid." Damn it. Right after I had been lectured about lashing out.

Armin's smile was bitter sweet when he finally met my eyes. "I forgive you, Commander Levi."

I was silent for what felt like a small eternity, trying to comprehend his words and failing miserably. The creature in front of me had been glaring at me with eyes so full of hate that I would've been dead a hundred times over if looks could kill. And now he was forgiving me? I must've been hallucinating, but I had to ask anyways, just to confirm. "Why?"

Armin let out a quiet laugh, studying the way his fingers moved across the wooden surface of the floor. "It's not what Eren would've wanted, and…" he paused to collect his thoughts to properly express them. "It wasn't your fault. You were following orders that Historia was forced to give."

I still couldn't believe my ears.

"I'm tired of the hate of such an unforgiving world." The boy shook his head. "That's not what we fought for." His eyes met mine, and he stated with absolute certainty: "It's not what they died for."

I abruptly stood, feeling nauseous, and quickly made my way to the balcony before dry heaving over the railing. I heard Armin follow me, keeping quiet as he let me soak in his words. Resting my elbows on the balcony railing, I put my forehead in my palms and tried to make sense of it all. "You don't…resent me?"

"The past is the past. We can't change it. I'm not going to hold it against you." He stood beside me and looked to the setting sun. "However, if you hurt Kelis, it wouldn't be difficult for me to resent you."

I almost laughed, despite the situation, still waiting for the nausea to leave my system. "I'm not sure Mikasa shares your beliefs."

Armin looked at me quizzically, waiting for an explanation.

"There have been small…scuffles…with a group of rebels." I stood up straight and crossed my arms over my chest as I looked at the final rays for sunlight, no longer able to see the sun itself. "There's reason to believe she's involved."

He turned his back to the railing and leaned on it, looking at his feet as he put his thumbs in his pockets. "It would explain why Jean and I were unable to contact her when we returned." Chewing on his thumb thoughtfully, he tapped the heel of his foot on the ground. "How long has it been happening?"

"Pixis said the first encounter was two weeks after Eren's…" I didn't want to say execution, but I also didn't want to say death, so I left the sentence open ended.

Armin nodded and removed himself from the railing, taking a step back inside. "I'll inform Jean and we can all discuss it tomorrow." He paused at the door, looking over his shoulder at me. "Don't treat Kelis so harshly, commander. No matter what you do to her, she won't leave you." Opening the door to leave he added one more thought. "Make things easier for the both of you." And with that, he left me.

Why did he think she wouldn't leave me? Erwin and Zoë, too. What reason did she have to stay?

I shook the thought away and sat at the piano, gently pressing the keys in the melody I had been composing. It was slow going and rough around the edges, but I wouldn't present it to her until it was perfected. It would be a show of my appreciation.

It would be my apology.


	10. Chapter Ten: Attack

* Kelis Nilifer *

"Wow, I'm not used to having anyone awake before I am," I commented with a laugh as I walked into the kitchen to find Armin there.

"Neither am I," he smiled and shrugged. "Tea? The water is still pretty hot,"

"Yes, please," I sat next to him.

"After yesterday, are you alright?" Armin asked as he poured tea into a cup.

"I spent the night sulking, but I slept that off. Lots of things can suddenly get a lot better in the morning light," I commented, then blew on my tea. "Were you and Jean able to settle in alright?"

"Yes," he glanced over his shoulder, and, when he resumed speaking, his voice was hushed. "I talked to Levi, I mean Cap- no - Comman- um-" he struggled with the proper way to address the man in question.

"I just call him Levi for simplicity," I interjected.

"But you're sort of different. A lot more familiar with him..." Armin shook his head. "Right, okay then. Well, I spoke with him yesterday. I feel like it went well."

"Good." I said simply, torn between a strong desire to pry and a less powerful but still present desire to (attempt to, at least) start respecting Levi's privacy again. Either way, what Armin said was positive. Levi was, well, on a good day he was difficult to hold a conversation with, so it was nice news to know that they had spoken successfully.

"Morning." The man himself greeted us in a monotone after entering the kitchen silently.

"Oh!" I gasped.

"Heyyyy, hey there," Armin waved at him stiffly. Could he sense that we had just been talking about him? Hopefully not. The glares alone would take our souls and turn us to stone, specifically in that order.

"The fuck is the matter with you two?" He scowled.

"Ahahaha!" I laughed. "Nothing. Nothing. Um," I cleared my throat. "Good morning."

"Armin," Levi addressed him. "Get your fuck buddy up. Time to have that talk,"

"Oh, sure," Armin scampered out. He glanced back at Levi with a horrified expression when the term 'fuck buddies' registered, and then hustled out faster.

"Talk?" I echoed. "Like the birds and the bees?"

"No, dumbass!" Levi plopped down in the chair Armin had been in. "About the rebels. Mikasa in particular,"

"Mikasa?" I echoed.

"Pixis said something about suspecting her," he shrugged.

"..." Mikasa? It couldn't be... But what I meant by that was simply that I didn't want it to be true, right? I couldn't just ignore the possibility outright. This needed honest consideration before judgement. I stared into my tea, thinking. "Loath as I am to admit it, her supposed involvement makes some sense," I said slowly.

"How so?" Levi asked.

"Well," I began as I went about pouring him some tea. "Historia mentioned that she had received some threatening letters that contained personal information about she and Ymir in them. Mikasa would know stuff like that, since she's also known the both of them since her training days," I reasoned.

Levi nodded. "Alright, that makes sense. Agreed."

"Okay..." I peered at him. "You look tired. Did you rest well last night?" I asked, examining the dark furrows under his eyes. Of course, those seemed to be permanent, but there were levels of tiredness deeper than his usual "ugh" mood. He just grunted noncommittally in reply.

"How does it make you feel? Thinking that Mikasa might be involved with a rebel group?"

"Well... It's unfortunate. She's strong. People respect her, so it's not easy to believe if you don't want to or say no to the idea of rebellion outright if you're inclined to be on her side,"

"What I asked was, how do you feel? Just you." He paused. "You were friends, more or less, isn't that right?"

"Oh." I blinked at him, surprised. My feelings, specifically? "Um... Yeah, we were friends, not as close as she was to Eren or Armin, but still. But we lost contact right after Eren was killed,"

Levi flinched in my peripheral vision. I hesitated before resting a hand on his arm. "Sorry."

"... I can't really expect anyone to sugarcoat what I've done," he muttered.

"Still, I don't want to..." I didn't want to be the one to hurt him like that. Couldn't say that aloud, though. It'd be too sappy. Probably give Levi a cavity if I said it... I withdrew my hand.

"Doesn't matter. Keep going with whatever you were saying," We were talking, and he wasn't cussing in every sentence...? I was tempted to try my luck and touch him again, put my hand on his arm or brush his hair out of his eyes…

"It's just..." I fell silent when Armin and Jean joined us.

"What's going on?" Jean asked, stifling a yawn.

"We need to talk about recent rebel threats," Levi explained, sounding bored. "The general consensus is that Mikasa is involved,"

"Yeah," Jean sighed. "Armin mentioned this last night." He frowned. "Do you really think that's possible? I mean, Mikasa and Historia were on the same side throughout the entire battle with the titans,"

"They were on the same side until the moment Historia gave the order to kill Eren," I said quietly. "Knowing how much she cares for him, it's easy to imagine Mikasa wanting revenge on anyone who hurt Eren," I glanced down at my lap and noticed Levi clenching his hands into fists under the table. I know how it hurts, talking about this... Just bear with it.

"It's kind of hard to fault her for an act of rebellion, then," Armin said quietly. "I sympathize. But," his voice got heavier as he spoke, but still certain in what he was saying. "Harming Historia is the wrong thing for anyone to do right now. Any rebels, whoever they may be, must be stopped,"

"It sounds like we've already decided what's what, so what're we going to do about it?" Jean demanded. "We can't just sit here,"

"Historia told me that she would send a messenger to inform me about the bodyguard position, but I'm not really too keen on waiting. I think I should just go on ahead and take the position for myself." I stated. "What about the rest of you?"

"I'm not really inclined for combat, but maybe I can devise a way to root the rebels out..." Armin murmured contemplatively.

"I'm a doer, not a planner, but I can help with whatever you want," Jean offered.

"And I'm with Kelis," Levi said quietly.

"Right," I heaved a sigh. "Why don't we go ahead and talk to Historia now?"

"Let's go," Armin and Jean went towards the exit.

"Kelis," Levi murmured just to me.

"What?"

"Whatever happens with this situation, I know that you'll make the right choice," he said quietly.

"What?" I repeated, surprised now. Why the reassurance?

"I can tell that you're scared," he looked into my eyes.

"Oh. Well... It's just that I'm anxious," I frowned. "I've had a bad feeling,"

Levi squeezed my thigh before standing, saying nothing further on the matter. Why was he acting so different? It made me even more nervous...

"So does anyone know where exactly we can find Historia at this time of day?" I asked once our group was inside the castle. I wasn't even sure that I remembered the way to her office...

"No... Maybe we can ask?" Armin looked around for help.

"Pixis is her assistant now. He would know," I informed them.

"Pixis, eh? That weird old geezer," Jean shook his head.

"All of you shut the fuck up!" Levi suddenly snapped. He narrowed his eyes and stood still, listening.

"That's..." I caught on a few moments later. There were muffled noises in the background, barely audible. "What is that?"

"This way," Levi took off, and we scrambled to follow him.

We found what was presumably the throne room and entered it, barging in to find complete chaos.

"Kelis!" Historia screamed, her back flat against the wall beside her throne as Pixis defended her from a blade-wielding attacker. There were five of them, standing in a ring around the two of them as Pixis brandished a knife of his own. Our group rushed forward. Not counting Historia, it was five against five now.

"Oh, fuck," Levi muttered under his breath before attacking the person closest to him, sweeping his legs out from under him before straddling his chest and starting to beat his face in. Wow. He hadn't lost his touch at all...

I grabbed Pixis' attacker from behind, keeping a tight grip on their hair and smashing their head into the corner of Historia's throne until they weren't even twitching anymore. "Get Historia away from here!" I yelled at Pixis before I was tackled to the ground by another enemy, probably a man from the figure, although all of their faces were covered. I writhed under him, holding onto his wrists so the knife in his hand wouldn't say hello to my flesh. But he was physically stronger than I was, without a doubt. I raised my head and smashed it against his, winding him long enough for me to knock the knife out of his hand, sending it sliding across the floor. I followed up with a jab to the nose that gave me the opportunity to slide backwards out from underneath him.

"Kelis!" Armin called, tossing me the knife I had discarded. Thank goodness... I nodded to him before grabbing my attacker by the hair, tilting his head back and slitting his throat. I dropped the body and took a second to assess, finding that Levi had seemingly beat one man to death and was now lending Jean assistance in doing the same to another. That was four... Where was the last one?

"Armin, look around. One's missing," I told him. I whirled around, checking the corners of the room, trying to see if there was someone trying to conveniently hide behind the tapestries lining the walls. Any movement...

I heard a shriek and turned around, seeing Armin pinned underneath the last man.

"Armin!" Jean leaped up, but I was already sprinting across the room. The man got off of Armin to attack me instead once I was close enough, deeming me the greater threat. With both of us having knives, neither one could get close enough to land a blow. I went for broke and tackled with my shoulder first, driving my knife into the man's stomach in the process but feeling a sudden searing pain in my shoulder before it was over.

"Ke... lis. Why...?" The man gurgled as he died. What? I stared down at the man, uncomprehending.

"Kelis?" Levi approached me. He pointed to the knife in my shoulder.

"Yeah." I nodded, starting to register the pain now that I wasn't in the heat of battle. Levi out one hand on my back to steady me and pulled out the knife with his free hand. I clapped my hands over my mouth and let out a muffled cry, then managed to nod thanks at him. Armin approached and gave me a wrinkled handkerchief to hold to the wound and staunch the bleeding slightly.

"Pixis, go get a doctor," Historia ordered, and the he sprinted out of the room.

I headed over to the person who had said my name on his dying breath, bending down and pulling his face mask down. I let out a strange sound, attracting a glance from the others. "H... He's a Scout," I whispered, wiping blood from my face in horror at the evidence of what I realized I had done. "I killed a Scout,"


	11. Chapter Eleven: Cruelty

A/N

Hey there! Thanks for reading to this point! It means a lot to Scare and me that you've gotten this far! Now, I know I said I would upload on Thursdays, but I just get so excited and end up posting late on Wednesday nights :P sorry. Deal with it. Anyways! We're having a ton of fun writing this! We hope you enjoy it at least half as much as we do. Thanks again!

-Saerenae

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*Levi*

I was tired. So. Fucking. Tired. But what the hell did it matter?

It had been three days, three sleepless days, since the attack. Everyone was tired, but at least the others had been able doze off. The mansion had been abnormally quiet with everyone brooding in their thoughts, walking around like soulless beings trapped in limbo. Not many words had been exchanged between the four of us. We were awaiting news from Pixis.

I had spent my sleepless nights either walking the quiet halls, pacing the confines of my study, or meandering around the outside of the mansion. It hadn't been difficult for me to stay out of sight. I wasn't exactly avoiding anyone, but I wasn't attempting to keep another's company either. It was easier to just keep to myself when everyone was so helplessly lost in their separate self-created hells of thought. I could almost find solace in the quiet stillness of the night. Almost.

It was the third night that had brought me out to the back of the mansion.

Knowing it was probably past midnight, I had made my way from the solitary confinement of my room to the solitary expanse of the back yard in hopes that maybe the fresh air would help clear my mind of the images that had been so harshly painted in my memory. The cool air had collided with my skin sending goosebumps over my exposed flesh. It was a surprise to feel comforted by something so innately human, but I relished in the sensation as I made my way to the shack where Kelis had subjected me to a cold bath what seemed like eons ago.

I pushed open the door without a sound, not at all surprised to find Kelis sitting in the water. The uncomfortable pang of emotion that touched my heart at the sight of her dazed eyes made me want to announce myself in some inconspicuous way, but I couldn't bring myself to disturb the silence with such a brazen gesture. Resigning myself to the quiescence, I lowered myself on the stool and leaned against the wall.

Kelis moved, disrupting the silence with the quiet slosh of water as she attempted to wash her back. Her struggle of trying to move her injured shoulder was punctuated with a disheartened sigh before she gave in and returned to her previous state of just staring at the water in front of her.

I stood, knowing she probably couldn't see me from the angle she was facing, and picked up a rag. When I dipped it in the cold water, I watched her eyes go wide with surprise, but shook my head before she could say anything. "No arguments. Hush and let me wash your back." My voice, though barely a whisper, seemed to be louder than normal. I wasn't comfortable with the disturbance my voice had caused in the almost peaceful silence.

She had childishly placed her arms over herself in attempt to cover her chest, her eyes displaying her inner debate of whether or not to succumb to my words. Seeming to have made up her mind, she turned her back to me and pulled her hair over her uninjured shoulder. The moonlight that trickled in through the high windows of the shack exposed the numerous scars that covered her back as she tensely awaited my touch.

Bringing the stool over to sit on, I gently ran the rag across her back, putting enough pressure to clean her, but not any more than needed. After lathering and rinsing her, my fingers involuntarily traced the beautiful collection of scars adorned on her back. I couldn't help but feel a bit pained that she tensed so much at my touch, but I knew her anxiety was well placed. I had hurt her in ways she had never deserved.

"Levi…?"

I was brought out of my daze by her softly spoken word, realizing I had left my hand on her back far longer than appropriate. Withdrawing my hand, I dropped the rag into the water and stood, making my way to the door.

"Wait, Levi." Her plea sounded like a shout in the noiseless confines of the shack, bringing me to a halt with my hand on the door. She stood and stepped out of the bath, dripping water all over the place as she boldly stood facing me. Well, almost boldly. She still had her arms over her chest.

I looked at her expectantly, waiting for her to continue as a pang of hurt caressed my heart at the sight of her nakedness. There was no way I could look at her body without thinking of how I had taken advantage of her, so I locked my eyes on hers and silently prayed she would just allow me to leave. I could see her eyes pleading for something, but I couldn't tell what exactly she was wanting to request. There wasn't much doubt in my mind that she simply wanted me to stay in her presence, but I had no plausible reason.

She shivered and averted her eyes to the ground, obviously having given up on whatever she had been trying to ask or tell me. The sight of her standing there, unable to bring her thoughts to life, stopped my heart.

I was to blame for her hesitance and it hurt. It hurt like hell. In a sorry attempt to comfort her with my presence, I dropped my hand from the door and turned towards her. "I'll help you dry off." I didn't want to admit just how much I was affected by the images of her that had been plaguing my every waking thought. I couldn't outwardly admit to my guilt and I sure as hell wouldn't outwardly admit to the pain. So, I grabbed a towel and made my way over to her, avoiding letting my eyes meet hers as I began to dry her. "Lift your arms."

After a moment of hesitation, she removed her arms from her chest, her injured arm remaining by her side as she put the other one out. She was attempting to keep herself from shivering, but her attempts were made in vain.

I couldn't avoid letting my eyes drift over her skin as I patted her down with the towel. My eyes drifted up her torso and her neck until they finally stopped at her lips, and I closed my eyes for a moment, unable to resist the temptation of pressing my lips to hers. Perhaps it was the exhaustion that had me so out of control of my emotions, but I was easily able to pull away from the chaste kiss that I had so recklessly given.

My gazed met hers and the look in her eyes brought forth a pain that radiated to my very soul, causing me to just throw the towel over her face before quickly making my way out of the shack. My pace didn't slow when I made it inside; instead, I quickly fled to my room, only stopping when I had closed and locked the door.

In the quiet stillness, I could hear my uneven breathing and the pounding of my heart in my ears. It was unnerving to say the least, so I tried to find a way to unravel the silence. My solution had been to read, hopeful that the inner babble of words would drown out my own thoughts as I attempted to forget the look of hesitant hope she had given me.

I opened my eyes to find myself on the small couch in my room with a book at my feet, realizing I must have somehow fallen asleep. It begged the question of whether the scene freshest in my mind was a dream or reality. Hoping it was the former, I picked up the book I had apparently been reading and placed it on the small table in front of me before standing.

After running my hands through my hair, I ran them over the front of my shirt to brush out most of the wrinkles. The smell of freshly brewed coffee and the sounds of voices drew me downstairs to find Armin, Jean, and Kelis sitting at the table. When I walked in, Kelis's eyes met mine before easily returning to Armin and Jean. If I hadn't noticed her grip on her mug tighten slightly, I might have believed that the previous encounter was in fact a dream.

Armin looked over his shoulder to me to speak when he noticed Kelis's slight change in demeanor. "We received word from Pixis." He turned back, but continued to speak as he ran his fingers over the rim of his coffee mug. "And we have a rough plan of how to proceed."

I made my way to the table and Kelis stood, leading me to give her a somewhat suspicious look. "What?"

She looked conflicted, but finally spoke as she moved around me to get a cup from the cabinet. "I heated some water in case you wanted tea rather than coffee."

I ignored whatever emotion was trying to settle into the pit of my stomach and sat at the table in front of Jean and Armin, paying little attention to Kelis when she sat a cup of tea in front of me. "Go on." I urged Armin, dismissing the look he gave me and Kelis. He was sharp and I was far from grateful for it in that precise moment.

"We're going to stage an execution." Well, that definitely caught my attention. "It's purpose is to draw out Mikasa, who Pixis believes to be one of the leaders of the rebellion. We just haven't decided who we're going to 'execute' or why." Armin looked over to Jean who had been oddly quiet since my arrival before picking up his mug. "To draw her out, it needs to be someone whose death she would want to witness." He paused as if considering continuing his thought, taking a sip of his coffee while he pondered.

Jean leaned his chair back on two legs with his arms crossed, earning a disapproving look from me while he broke the silence. "I suggested we stage it to where you're the one being executed, but we couldn't think of a good reason." He moved to casually lace his fingers behind his head. "So, Armin being the idiot he is, suggested himself."

I looked at the blond with slight amusement, though it was most definitely not displayed on my face. Mikasa would definitely be at Armin's execution. The woman would probably attempt to rescue him."And the reason behind your 'execution' would be…?"

"Treason." Armin stated simply. He took another sip of coffee and ran his fingers through his hair before setting his mug down and meeting my eyes, waiting for my response.

I looked to Kelis who had taken her seat beside me. "You should be the executioner." My statement was rewarded with a look of absolute shock and horror, but before she could speak I continued. "Mikasa would be less likely to outright shoot Armin's executioner if it was someone she had once been close with. That moment of hesitation could mean the difference between capturing her and failing completely." I looked back to Armin to see him nodding thoughtfully.

"I suppose you and I will be the ones stuck blending into the crowd trying to capture her." Jean huffed at me. He lowered his chair to its correct position and smirked. "Commoners don't wear cravats."

I narrowed my eyes at him and restrained myself from making a retort. "I'll report our plan to Pixis and see what his thoughts on it are." My attention returned to Kelis when her elbow accidentally brushed against mine.

She muttered an apology and stared into her mug, not seeming to have any objections to the course of action that we had decided on.

I knew that I had been the one to suggest Kelis as the executioner, but just imagining her up in front of the crowd, exposed to the threat of an unseen enemy, caused another uncomfortable emotion to swell. Worry? I'd gotten too soft. The image of the attacker from a few days before driving a knife into her flesh tore at my mind.

She had been lucky and luck wasn't something I was very willing to risk lives on.

Without so much as touching my tea, I stood and started walking away.

"Wait, Levi." It was Kelis's voice, echoing the words she had spoken last night.

Her simple request made me pause in wait, but I didn't turn to look at her. I couldn't figure out how the little shit had gained such influence over my emotions, but it was far beyond irritating. "What?" I growled back.

I could hear the hurt in her voice, but I could also picture her putting on her brave face as she spoke. "You haven't eaten in days." Her words made me notice the smell of food that had previously eluded me. "Eat with us…?"

I didn't want to deny her, but I couldn't stay in the room with her much longer when she kept giving me those hesitant looks. I saw her tense almost every time I spoke, as if she thought my next words would be a physical lash on her skin. "I'm not fucking hungry." I suppose she was right to tense at my words. "Don't pretend like I'm some damn kid you need to coddle."

I heard a chair clatter and turned to see her standing with barely contained tears, a red face, and a scowl that definitely didn't suit her. I could tell that a million profanities were probably wanting to dive off her tongue, but she did well to contain them as she put her hands on the table. "My apologies for being concerned, commander." With that, she righted her chair and made her way out of the room.

I stared after her, confused by the slight prick of pain that blossomed in my chest. The distance she had put between us by not using my name left me feeling empty.

"Way to go, commander shit head." Jean growled before making his way past me. "You could at least do the human thing and chase after her."

I closed my eyes and clenched my jaw in irritation.

"I'll accompany you to report to Pixis." Armin's voice startled me, but I nodded and left the room with him following me. He was quiet until we were about half way to the castle, then he found his voice and expressed his thoughts.

"That was cruel." No need to sugar coat things.

I gave him a sidelong glance, not bothering to acknowledge his statement with anything more. It wasn't like I needed to hear what I already knew.

"But I suppose you already know that." He sighed and put his hands behind his back as he walked, making him look more like a child. "And since you already know that, I'll ask you this…"

"I swear to god, Armin, if you ask me 'why,' I will kick your ass straight in to next week."

A dry chuckle escaped his lips and he shook his head. "No, no. I already know your guilty conscience is the reason why." His blue eyes met mine and he smiled softly.

I wanted to yell in frustration at how accurate the brat was, but I wouldn't let him shake the apathetic façade I had maintained for so many years. I couldn't let him break the foundations of who I had built myself up to be.

"I simply want to know who you're really directing your cruelty towards. Kelis? Or yourself?"

I stopped dead in my tracks, trying to truly comprehend what he had just asked. I could feel the foundations of my being crumbling beneath my very feet as I tried to find a suitable response somewhere in the archives of my mind. My eyes had locked onto the ground right in front of my feet, trying to make sense of the simple question that was destroying the world I thought I knew.

Armin had stopped a few paces ahead, facing away. How kind of him to allow me to crumble in peace.

I exhaled slowly and took a step forward, desperately grasping to the unraveling strands of my sanity. "Don't fuck with me, kid."

Armin shook his head slowly and put his thumbs in his pockets, his eyes averted to the ground as he delved deep into his own thoughts.

 _Don't turn my world upside down._


	12. Chapter Twelve: Stay

* Kelis Nilifer *

I closed my teeth harshly on my thumb, running every insult I could think of through my head and directing it towards Levi. That annoying munchkin... He made me feel things I never had before. I'd never been this angry, but I also knew that he was imprinted in my memory as the first person not to take a second look of thinly guised horror or disgust at my scars, the first person to make my heart skip a beat, the first to…

Shitfaced little mongrel...

I started taking my anger out on laundry, whipping things out into the wind to get wrinkles out with force. What the hell was he all about, touching my scars in ways that made me tremble and then kissing me for no reason and then getting all mad and crotchety again? Geez! I stopped hanging clothes on the line, realizing that somehow I was out of breath. Emotions sure were hard work…

"Want some help?" Jean approached me, hands in his pockets.

"Sure, I'd appreciate it." I paused. "Is he gone?"

"Commander shithead? Yeah, he and Armin left,"

"Jean?"

"What?"

"You're my hero right now." I started laughing so hard that I eventually had to plop down on the lawn. Jean crouched down to my level, grinning.

"I called him that to his face. It felt awesome,"

"I bet it did," I rested a hand on my now hurting stomach. "Wow... He makes you mad too, huh?" I flopped down onto my back.

"Sometimes he can be a real asshole. But that's just how he is, I guess..." Jean threw himself down to the ground ungracefully, stretching out as we stared up at the clouds we had never taken time to notice before. "But, even though he makes you mad, it's a good thing to be able to have concerns like that, isn't it?"

"What?" I turned my head to look at him, confused.

His chest rose and fell as he sighed. "I'm just saying that it's a luxury to be able to think about your relationship and future with someone and how they make you feel as a main concern instead of worrying about getting eaten. That's all,"

"... You do have a very good point," I admitted. Much as I complained and was frustrated with Levi, I was content with my place in the world, by his side. In the end, that was what was most important.

I was still going to give him a good talking to.

"You know, you're a lot more insightful than we give you credit for," I commented to Jean.

He snorted with laughter. "No, that's Armin's job,"

"Yes, our resident genius,"

"You'll be careful, right? If the proposed plan goes through,"

"No, I'm just gonna swing and hope he moves fast. Of course I'll be careful. I won't put a scratch on him,"

"Good."

"Wouldn't want to mess up his perfect porcelain body for you,"

"What?!" He sat up with a jolt.

"Kidding. I'm kidding." I sat up, hugging my knees to my chest.

"From you, that was unexpected." He rubbed at his red cheeks as if that would wipe the blush away.

"Too much time around Levi," I shrugged.

"What is the exact relationship between you two, anyways?"

"Complicated and weird, that's what it is," I sighed. "Admittedly, I'm jealous of you and Armin. Of your happiness. I know how hard you had to fight to get it, but still. Is that bad?" I asked frowning.

"I don't really know. I'm not mad at you for it, either way. It makes sense,"

"Thanks," I got to my feet. "Come on, we may as well finish hanging whatever laundry is left since we're out here,"

"Ugh," Jean groaned but helped me anyways.

"Thanks again," I said as we headed back inside after the job was done. It had taken a while since we had fooled around a lot, doing things like making sock puppets and chasing each other around while wearing sheets.

"You two look chummy," Levi commented blandly when we entered the kitchen through the back door.

"If only you could be so lucky," Jean grinned as he slung an arm around my shoulders.

"Your sexuality prevents you from antagonizing me by using such methods," Levi retorted without skipping a beat. Despite myself l let out a snort of laughter.

"Have you eaten yet?" I asked. Levi just shrugged. "Okay then. Eat while we talk,"

"We're talking now? Shit, what for?" He glared at me.

"Because I said so." I scowled back.

"Don't try to make a tough face. It makes you look like you're having an allergic reaction to something,"

"Where's Armin?" Jean queried.

"Hell if I know. Go away," Levi gave an imperious wave of his hand. He may as well have tacked the word peasant on to the end of his sentence. Either way, Jean drifted off in search of Armin.

"You know, when you act like that and with your fancy cravat, you remind me of the nobles we used to hate back when we were Scouts," I commented as I set down a plate of food in front of Levi.

"Never compare me to those fucking pigs. So what do you want to gab about?"

"About you. Specifically the things you do," I began, noticing when he tensed up at my words. "You're nice-ish and mean intermittently in a way that's unpredictable. I understand that that's just how you are, but will you please try to develop a filter?"

"Why should I? You'll just put up with me no matter what I do," he poked at the food to have a good reason not to look at me. He had a point…

I heaved a sigh. "I can't force you to do anything. I can only make you aware of my feelings and make a request accordingly." I crossed my arms and leaned back in my chair. "So. What was the kiss earlier for?"

"For? It meant nothing. It doesn't have to mean anything,"

"So things like that are insignificant to you?"

"Pretty much,"

"What about the... You know," I frowned.

"You're such a damn child. So we fucked. Don't read into it,"

"So what if I want to read into it? We're different, we react to things differently. Like how you killed a lot of people. Death doesn't bother you, but personally I don't like to get my hands so dirty,"

"Oh please. You killed those rebels the other day without batting an eye,"

"Because I identified them as enemies! That doesn't mean I had to like it! I mean, I killed someone who survived the titans alongside us! I don't get to feel nothing on the outside like you do!" I stopped to shake myself, realizing that I had been yelling at him louder and louder as I had gone on. "I can't do that."

"Well," Levi stabbed at his food, frowning. "Shit, why do you have to do this..."

"What?"

"I get upset too. I deal with it in different ways than you do. Like," he looked at me. "Lashing out. You, suddenly you're acting emotional all the time. You didn't used to be,"

"Well..." I rested my head on my arms, having lost control of the conversation and just letting it go where it would. "All of the people who died, I lost them at the same time you did. But we couldn't take the time to deal with it, or think. We had to move on immediately." I paused. "Did you know that Erwin was one of the people I wanted to follow most in the world? And you, too."

"... It's pretty clear that you don't like the way I treat you. But you don't have to stick around to deal with it. So why do you, Kelis?" Levi asked quietly. "Why the hell do you stay with me?"

"You really don't remember?" I laughed softly. "That sort of explains a lot. You know at first I had always just assumed you were cold on purpose..."

"I am. But still, tell me. I need to know why,"

"..." I lifted my head, brow furrowing. How to explain it? I had talked to Erwin, who had remembered, and also Hange and Armin. But I hadn't ever gone deep into it. I had explained the bare minimum. With Levi, it was different. I wanted him to know. "I... I've met a lot of good and bad people. You know I grew up in Shinganshina, right? After the wall fell, all the refugees lived off of charity. But there wasn't always enough food to go around," I squirmed uncomfortably in my chair. "So, one day, when some men offered me more food, I went with them. Like an idiot,"

"You were a child back then," Levi reasoned.

"Doesn't matter. Anyways, it was a trap, and... Bad things happened," I gestured vaguely to my facial scars. "I won't get into that," I bit my thumb and started talking around it. "But, after a few years, well, three years and one-hundred sixty-six days, one night, as the usual was happening, the place got stormed. I got rescued by a small party of Scouts that had just been happening to pass through the area." My teeth broke the skin.

Levi caught his breath. I moved my hands to my lap, willing my voice not to shake.

"You and Erwin were leading that charge. I never forgot you, Levi. You picked me up, wrapped me in your jacket, and took me back to Trost before going on your way. I... I never got to say thank you. So that's why I joined the Scouts. That's why I stay with you," I had never taken my eyes off that figure in the distance. I had kept chasing endlessly, until I had gotten to see them again. See him again. Levi.

Levi said nothing.

"... They tortured me, raped me. I wanted to die. But, I didn't, and now I'm glad. Y-you understand now, right? The things that... That don't matter much to you, matter... to... me..." I slouched my shoulders as I dissolved into tears (again). Levi tentatively touched my hair before starting to stroke it in an attempt to be soothing. He put his other arm awkwardly around my shoulder and didn't pull away when I buried my face into his shirt, making it wet with snot and tears.

"Hey, calm down... I won't leave you either."


	13. Chapter Thirteen: Emotion

A/N

I know, I know. I said that we would be updating on Thursdays and Sundays, but I just can't help myself! I get so excited on Wednesday nights that I just have to upload! I try to at least wait until late Wednesday night so I can make the excuse of "it's super close to Thursday," but I'm just not in the waiting mood :P well, hope you enjoy! -Saerenae

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*Levi*

Kelis's words rang in my ears like an echo of a gunshot in a small room. They weighed on me as even more tears streamed down her cheeks to plummet to the floor. It was a nightmare to watch her relive what had to have been one of her most painful memories, but I could do nothing more than try to tether us both to the present by reaching out and tentatively stroking her hair. Awkward couldn't even begin to describe how I felt trying to soothe her. I tried anyways, though, wrapping my arm around her shoulder in a vague semblance of a hug.

She responded to my attempted comfort by burying her face into my shirt, snot and tears leaking through the fabric to my skin.

I grimaced at the sensation, but didn't give it any more attention than that. "Hey, calm down…" I wasn't sure if the words were meant for her or for myself, so I kept speaking. "I won't leave you either." Not intentionally, at least. I wouldn't say it out loud, but life was full of cruel surprises and there wasn't a chance in hell I was going to make a promise I wasn't absolutely positive I could keep.

My discomfort continued to grow as time seemed to pass by ever so slowly until the air was almost palpable with the tension radiating off of me in waves. I was barely able to properly conduct myself with the disgusting sensation of her snot and tears soaking through my shirt, but I refused to push her away for something as petty as my distaste for filth when she so clearly needed the shoulder to cry on.

Soothing. Affectionate. Lovable. They were terms that had scarcely, if ever, been used to describe me and it was obvious why. I didn't know how to open up and comfort others. It just wasn't in me to do so.

I sighed irritably and shook my head free of the thoughts that had begun going awry, noting Kelis had stopped sobbing so forcefully. Taking it as an opening to put a little distance between us, I gingerly pulled away and watched as she continued to hiccup in attempt to put an end to her emotional explosion. "Kelis, you know…" I started, once again finding myself trying to comfort her. I knew any words I would spoke would be fruitless if I couldn't back them up with some kind of action.

That was the damned problem. There was nothing I could possibly do to ease the pain of her past.

"What?" The word startled me, making me realize I hadn't spoken for a while. She was pressing her palms to her eyes in order to force some of her renegade tears to stop skydiving down her cheeks.

I turned away from the disheartening sight, running my hand through my hair and closing my eyes as I attempted to recall any other time in my life where I'd been in a similar situation. What logical answers had I previously found? What had I done?

A memory sparked in unbearably vivid colors behind my eyelids and I wanted to kick something to rid myself of the cruel twist of pain that the memory had brought to my chest.

 _Zoë slammed her fist against the wall in a fit of rage and agony, a silent cry escaping her lips as she leaned on the wall for support. The trembling of her legs had been too much to keep her standing, causing her to begin sliding down the wall until she was on the ground, her body racked with heart wrenching sobs. "Damn it!" She cried, banging the back of her head against the wall before curling her knees to her chest and gripping her hair in her hands._

 _I calmly sat down in front of her without making a sound, my eyes never leaving her as she curled in on herself and gripped her hair hard enough for it to fall from its tie. It was frustratingly befuddling not to comprehend how to console someone plagued with such obvious anguish, especially when it was an anguish I was able to empathize with. I had no clue what would ease the pain, so I gave up before trying. Loss was supposed to hurt. I had accepted that simple truth long ago._

 _I gently pried her hands from her hair and held them in mine, looking down at them as I began to quietly hum. It wasn't a comforting tune, but it wasn't exactly mournful either. It was an echo of the memories we had created with the departed: bittersweet. The sound of my voice was quiet but audible over the tortured woman's sobs._

 _Her cries became quieter as she slowly regained control over her rampant emotions. She eventually relaxed her body enough to lean her forehead on my shoulder, tightening her grip on my hands. "We all knew we would have to give up something." She spoke through the hoarseness of her voice, not bothering to clear her throat. "But they shouldn't have had to give up everything."_

 _I didn't visually or audibly acknowledge her statement, but I knew she understood my unspoken agreement as I continued to hum under my breath._

 _Zoë looked up at me suddenly, bringing a halt to my humming. "Levi." She studied my eyes for a long moment, baring me to my very core before she spoke again. "Live." She paused to let her statement sink in. "Don't just breathe. Don't just go through the motions. Don't you dare even consider accepting or welcoming death. Fight it to the very end." Her eyes were pleading, full of emotion. "Find a reason, no matter what." She stared resolutely through the windows to my soul with watery eyes and tear stained cheeks, silently begging me. "Live, and that will be enough for me."_

I opened my eyes, quickly turning to Kelis before taking her by the back of the head and pulling her into a strong embrace. Holding her there, one hand in her hair and the other around her back, I pressed my cheek to the side of her head. "Listen up, you little shit, because I'm only saying this once." I felt her tense beneath me, her arms trapped at her sides in her surprise at my sudden display of physical attention. I couldn't ease the pain of her past, but I could try to make her look towards the hope of a brighter tomorrow. "You…"

I clenched my jaw at the uncharacteristic words I was about to spew out of my mouth. "You keep me sane." 'Sane' being a relative term. "More than that," I almost couldn't force the words out of my mouth, but feeling her tremble beneath me ignited a violent surge of will somewhere deep inside me, enabling me to push past my stubborn pride. "You keep me alive."

I felt her melt into a sob again, her muscles relaxing as she wrapped her arms around me to return my embrace.

Fuck. The humility alone could've killed me.

"Thank you, Levi." Those three hushed words from her perfect lips made my wounded pride easier to accept.

Everything just might be okay.

—

I irritably shoved against the crowd, trying to see over everyone's heads to find Kelis. Of course everyone was ridiculously tall, though, so I was only able to judge her location by the murmurs and movement of the crowd as she passed through with her prisoner in tow. I made my way to the back of the crowd, away from the stage Kelis was stepping up onto. Cursing the freakish height of the crowd for the nth time in minutes, I resorted to standing on a crate beside a cart of hay so that, maybe, I'd have a clearer view of the people around me.

Kelis met my gaze for a moment before she stiffly looked away and turned towards her prisoner, leading him to stand before the crowd. Her face was that of apathy, but her white-knuckle grip on her blade displayed just how reluctant she was to be standing in front of a crowd, all eyes focused on her. "Armin Arlert."

Armin looked desolate, his shoulders slumped and head bowed. The brat was a good actor, I'd give him that much. He acknowledged Kelis by slowly turning his head towards her, meeting her eyes without a word.

Kelis took a deep breath in, the crowd coming to a silence as they awaited the verdict. She set her shoulders, standing taller and demanding all attention. "You are to hereby be executed for heresy against her majesty, Queen Historia." She allowed for a short pause so her words would sink deeply into the crowd, the people around beginning to shift and murmur again. "Do you have any final words?"

Armin looked to his cuffed hands, dejected, as he began to speak.

I turned my attention away from the theatrics, scanning the crowd for any suspicious movements, my eyes quickly finding Jean exactly where we had agreed for him to be. Our eyes met and he shook his head, signaling he had found nothing before he took note of me standing on a crate. He hid a laugh and ignored me as I flipped him off.

The fucking audacity…

A streak of red towards the side of the crowd captured my attention, drawing my eyes to the scarf Mikasa had worn since before we had even met. I was somewhat surprised at how easily she was standing by the horse drawn wagon Armin and Kelis had arrived in, leading me to wonder whether or not she had even suspected a trap.

I was amused by her carelessness, signaling to Jean before jumping off the crate to carefully make my way around the crowd. I saw her tuck her hand in her jacket, her eyes focused on nothing other than Kelis as she began to pull out a small gun. I didn't hesitate, moving as fast as I possibly could when she aimed the gun at Armin's soon to be executioner.

A shot fired and the crowd ducked in panic. In the split second before the crowd could scatter, a second shot rang out and Kelis fell to her knees with a cry of pain. The people immediately turned to chaos.

I stretched to grab Mikasa, but the crowd jolted against me and my fingers barely grasped fabric, allowing Mikasa to easily slip away.

"Commander Levi!" I heard Jean call over the crowd.

Realizing I had lost the woman whose capture had been essential for the completion of the plan, I pushed myself against the wagon so as not to get swept away and attempted to calm the fanatic horse. "Damn it." I cursed under my breath, trying to see Kelis over the crowd. Climbing onto the wagon, I could see Armin kneeling beside Kelis, but I knew there was no hope of reaching them when the crowd was pushing so frantically to get away. Instead of dwelling on the matter, I searched for Jean who had managed to weave his way through the throng of people to make his way towards me.

He grabbed the horse's halter to keep it in place and shouted over the chaos. "Where is that fucking bitch?!"

I shook my head and jumped off the wagon as the number of people dwindled, quickly making my way to the stage where Armin and Kelis were. "Where were you hit, Kelis?"

"She just grazed my arm." Kelis had her hand over her upper right arm, the amount of blood seeping through her fingers leading me to believe the bullet had done more than just graze her arm. "Thank god she's a lousy shot." Her face contorted with pain when Armin removed her hand and began wrapping the wound. "You only managed to grab her scarf?" She sighed in frustration. "Now what are we supposed to—ouch! Geez, Armin! Don't be so freaking rough!"

Armin muttered a less than heartfelt apology and I looked to my hand to find Mikasa's red scarf. I smiled without truly smiling at the small victory, probably looking angry rather than humored. "Perfect."

"I see you have our next plan in hand." Jean chimed in as he made his way onto the stage.

I nodded. "No fucking way she's not going to come back for this."


	14. Chapter Fourteen: Worthy

A/N

Hi, Scare here. The positive reviews we've been getting really make my day every time Saerenae forwards them to me. Sad? Maybe. Awesome? Well hellz yeah. Enjoy da story.

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* Kelis Nilifer *

"You know, I can help put the dishes away," I offered from my seat at the dinner table.

Armin shook his head as he dried plates. "I want you to keep that arm still,"

"Come on. It's just a flesh wound."

"No." He said firmly.

"You may as well give up, Kelis. He's actually really stubborn," Jean commented.

I turned in my seat, looking for support from Levi. He just stared at my shoulder. "Why does everything happen to only your right arm?" He asked.

"The universe is on my side. I'm left-handed." I shrugged.

"Ah. Shut up and deal with being babied a little bit," he ordered, not grumpily.

I sighed and rested my head on my arms until we all were reconvened at the table. "What now?" Jean asked. "We know that Mikasa will want her scarf back, but how are we going to capture her?"

"Bait again?" I suggested.

"What, one of us wears the scarf around and waits for her to instigate guerrilla warfare?" Jean was skeptical. "I don't know if any of us can take her in a fight,"

"I can," I volunteered. "Right, Levi?" I turned to him again.

He scowled at me, annoyed at my turning to him on this particular issue. "Yeah, I know from sparring with you that you can kick some ass, but this is fucking Mikasa we're talking about. On a good day I'd side with you, Kelis, but with your arm being the way it is, no."

"I'll get the drop on her," I insisted. "She won't expect me to put up a fight since she shot me,"

"That's my point, she fucking shot you! Sending you out there to wait for her to show up is a suicide mission," Levi snapped.

"I didn't say that the bait would be alone. Armin wasn't alone, after all. I'm saying is that two of us, me and one of you, go together, and then the other two tail us and wait for Mikasa to approach before all four of us take her down, no matter what this time." I explained.

"No." Levi said flatly.

"I think it could work," Armin contradicted him evenly. "Kelis and Mikasa are both easy enough to spot in a crowd. A tail is a good idea, and then someone who can either be there to protect Kelis or stall Mikasa... Maybe I should go with you?" He suggested to me.

"Hold on," Levi interjected sharply. "If this is going to happen, then I'm going with her. No questions asked. That's my condition." He glared at us all heatedly, daring us to defy him.

"I've got no problem with it, I suppose. The exact people are interchangeable," Armin conceded, looking at Levi curiously.

"Geez, commander control freak. Calm down," Jean just smiled when Levi focused all of his glare powers in on him.

"So, we're taking a walk tomorrow?" Armin queried, raising his eyebrows at Levi.

"Day after that," he said shortly.

"Why?" I asked, and earned a rough punch on the right shoulder. I muffled a cry of pain by clenching my teeth.

"That. Rest for a day. Humor me," Levi said dryly.

"Geez..." Jean shook his head. "You come up with different ways to be an asshole every day,"

"I will fucking kill you in your sleep," Levi threatened in a snap.

"Everybody calm down," Armin sighed. "We should all just get some sleep, and we should definitely all wake up in the morning," he frowned at Levi, who rolled his eyes.

"Whatever." He went up the stairs, disappearing as he slipped into the piano room.

"Good night, Kelis," Jean ruffled my hair as he walked past.

"Good night," I said after him, then stood. "Armin, before you go,"

He turned, seeming mildly surprised as he blinked at me. "Yes? What is it?"

"Just... Are you sad? It... It's Mikasa,"

"I'd be lying if I said that I didn't care. It makes me feel bitter and sick inside. But I just want to do what I feel is right and then deal with the consequences as they come. That's what we always used to do, isn't it?" He smiled, one that was heavy and determined at the same time.

"That's right," I nodded. "Okay. I just wanted to make sure that you were alright. Good night, then." I started to pad past him.

"You know," Armin began, stopping me in my tracks. "There are a lot of parallels between you and Mikasa,"

"Really? Like what?" I asked, compelled to join him as he sat down at the table again. What was he referring to? We were hardly similar…

"What happened to you almost happened to Mikasa," Armin divulged. "I can't say that if things had worked out differently for her that your situations would have been exactly the same. But in the end you were both rescued by people who became very dear to you." He fell silent for a while. "I just thought that that was worth noting is all. I don't know exactly what happened to you, but... You and Mikasa are actually very alike."

I didn't know what to say, so I just got out of my seat and went over to bend down and hug him. Physical contact, innocent or not, was a comfort to people. I wanted to comfort my friends, hold them close to me and protect their hearts. I wanted to be strong enough to do that.

Armin closed his eyes and released a heavy exhale. We stayed still for a bit before coming to the mutual decision to back away. "Thanks, Kelis. Goodnight."

"No, thank you. Goodnight, Armin." I started towards my room but turned back around on impulse and went to the piano room.

"What are you still doing up? I told you to get rest," Levi glanced at me as I perched on the edge of the bench, still remembering what had happened the last time I'd decided to wander in here.

"I was wondering why you got so heated," I stated.

"Did I offend your delicate sensibilities again?" Levi scoffed as he took his hands away from the keys.

"No. I just want to know that you're really okay with this. If you're not comfortable with it, then I'll trust your instincts and your judgment. We can come up with something else," I explained.

Levi frowned. "No, no. It's not that. It's a good plan. But," he laid his hand on my shoulder, then moved to tuck my hair behind my ear. "I don't want you being reckless and getting your ass in over your head. Your ass is mine, and..." he blinked. "Shit, son of a bitch, that came out really fucking wrong,"

I started laughing, leaning my cheek into his hand. "It's alright. I get the point." I smiled warmly at him. "As long as you're there, everything will be fine,"

"Well..." Levi yanked his hand away from my cheek, sliding away from me on the bench and bracing his hands on his knees. "Do what I tell you for once? Get your ass in bed. I mean..." he shook his head in exasperation. "Go the fuck to sleep already,"

I suppressed a grin, so amused and actually quite surprised at his display of awkwardness. I'd sort of thought that that was my thing. But the whole exchange had my chest feeling warm and light somehow. "Good night, Levi." He nodded as I left.

I settled in bed but was unable to fall asleep because my mind fell into a state of floating along as I was stuck in my own thoughts. My memories.

 _"Kelis," Erwin was surprised to see me still awake and loitering in the kitchen, stewing over a cold cup of tea._

 _"Evening, commander," I stood and saluted, but there was no feeling behind the action._

 _"You don't need to bother with the formalities when it's just the two of us," he sat next to me. "What are you still doing awake? You know we ride tomorrow,"_

Yes, that fated day.

 _"Yeah," I nodded slowly._

 _"That's the problem, isn't it?"_

 _"I think so." I paused. "You know, at first I was scared of the fact that you remembered me from the night you and Captain Levi rescued me. I thought that you would see me as weak. But it's the opposite, I feel like,"_

 _"That's absolutely correct. I see you, and I can acknowledge your strength because of our shared experience," Erwin smiled gently at me, indulging me like the child I was. "It makes us even closer as comrades,"_

 _"I'm thankful for that." I hesitated, then nodded. He was the person I trusted most at that time. "Honestly, I'm scared. Of dying. And my fear of death is terrifying. Does that make sense?"_

 _"Of course it makes sense. All humans fear death,"_

 _"... It was easier when I wanted to die. I had nothing to lose. I'm scared of having all these precious things in my hands. What if I can't hold on to them, Erwin?" I looked at him imploringly, blinking when he put a hand on my scarred cheek, keeping steady eye contact with me._

 _"Fight hard. Those precious things are what give our lives meaning and substance. You've come far, but the journey is never over. But guess what?" He showed his gentle smiled again, spoiling me. "You're not alone anymore. You don't have to forge ahead on your own anymore."_

 _I leaned forward and buried my face into his shoulder, lulled into a blissful state of comfort by his hands resting on my upper back and stroking my hair. "When the time comes, I might still be scared," I admitted. "But I'll definitely fight. I promise,"_

 _"You're a good woman, Kelis." He assured what I had always been doubting. Was I good? Was I worthy of living?_

 _"You're the best man that's ever existed." I clung to his shirt._

... Shit, I missed them.


	15. Chapter Fiftenn: Human

*Levi*

I waited until I heard Kelis descend the stairs before letting out the breath I didn't realize I had been holding. That encounter had most likely been the most ridiculously tongue tied I had ever been, all because that damn woman made my blood rush from my brain to a more...lewd location.

Dropping my eyes and observing my pitiful state, I ran my hand through my hair and stood to make my way to my bedroom. I close the door behind me and tugged my shirt off, neatly putting it away before plopping down on the small couch with a sigh.

It was difficult to focus when I was uncomfortably warm due to the late August heat that had been trapped in my room, so I stood and opened the window to let in some of the cooler night air. Knowing it would be a while before my room was comfortable again, I decided to go for a stroll down to the stream a little ways behind the mansion.

I went over to my night stand and paused, internally battling about whether I would rather continuously recall the events of the day or if I would rather recall days long past. I closed my eyes for a moment, shaking my head at a decision that had been made before I'd even thought of the question. Pulling an old, tattered leather journal out of the nightstand, I made my way down to the kitchen.

I grabbed the lantern by the door to the back yard and lit it before stepping outside into the welcoming arms of darkness. With the journal tucked under my arm, I kept walking until the quiet babble of water filled my ears.

The creek wasn't exactly small, but it wasn't large enough that it could sweep a person away with its current. It was a soothing place I had frequented with Zoë before shit hit the fan. I rarely visited it without her. It felt too much like I was invading something that had belonged to the both of us while not belonging to either of us at the same time.

I sat down at the base of a tree, setting the lantern down beside me and opening the journal to a random page near the middle. My eyes took in the oddly neat handwriting that was as familiar to me as my own, not quiet reading the words. The familiar writing alone was enough to bring forth a well of emotion to my chest, the words themselves could probably crush me at any given moment if I allowed myself to ponder them.

Without meaning to do so, I began reading the words aloud. "It was nice to see you smiling again." I leaned back against the tree, the bark biting into my bare skin as I dropped the journal into my lap with a dry laugh. "Of course." It just had to be that entry.

Every entry in the journal had been addressed to me rather than some unknown entity that would silently listen without judgment. I had found it odd, but somewhat endearing when I'd first discovered that small fact. Unfortunately, it meant that I could relate to everything in the journal.

I remembered with absolute clarity the day that damn woman had written the passage I had read from. It had been late summer a few years back, a day close to her birthday. I shook my head to clear my mind of the memory, instead focusing on the sound of water and the coolness of the air surrounding me.

When I began nodding off, I forced myself to return to the mansion so that, when morning came, I would be able to focus on making sure Kelis took the day to rest.

I was approaching the back door when I noticed a dim light pouring out of the open kitchen window, capturing my curiosity. I turned off my lantern and tucked the journal under my arm, leaning back against the wall next to the window to listen in on whoever else was awake so late into the evening.

There was a bit of shuffling around and some footsteps, then a quiet thud of a mug being placed on the table. "Do you miss it?" Jean's voice was gentle, as if he thought a harsher tone might just shatter the delicate intricacies of the night.

"Sometimes." Armin's voice was just as gentle. "I feel like we were just running away, though." He had a point, and I could understand why he had wanted to escape at the time. "We can't abandon the people we fought so hard to protect."

There was more shuffling and I assumed one of them had stood. "C'mon. Let's go to bed." Jean suggested. "Tomorrow is going to be a long day if Commander Shit Head really thinks he's going to be able to keep Kellie down."

Kellie? I frowned at the endearing nickname.

"Maybe we can escape for the day." Armin laughed. "It's frustrating to watch them struggle and not be able to do anything about it."

I waited until I heard them make their way out of the kitchen before I walked inside. "What struggle?" I questioned the air around me.

When I received no reply, I dropped the subject.

—

"Damn it, Kelis!" I cursed when I walked into the kitchen the next morning to find her awkwardly trying to cook something.

She looked over her shoulder and shot me a smile. "Good morning to you as well, Levi."

I walked over to her, taking her uninjured arm and dragging her away from the stove. "Sit the fuck down. You're supposed to be resting, you little shit." Before she could resist me and my demands, I returned to the stove to finish whatever it was she had started.

"You're up later than usual." She commented, slumping into a chair. "Jean and Armin left for the day." When I didn't reply, she continued. "They said something about going to see the library."

I acknowledged her with a small nod, putting the food on two separate plates and taking them to the table. Sitting across from her, I placed her plate in front of her.

"Levi?"

"What the fuck do you want, woman?" I asked, exasperated. I closed my eyes and pinched the bridge of my nose, sure that this conversation was going to be one I wasn't in the mood to have.

"Why won't you allow anyone close to you?"

Definitely not a subject I wanted to touch.

I had the urge to just shoot down her question, but I knew she deserved at least some kind of explanation. That would mean giving her a piece of me, though, and I wasn't exactly sure I was ready to allow someone to hold a piece of me again. For some inexplicable reason, I found words leaping off my tongue of their own accord. "Isabel and Farlan." I hadn't heard their names spoken out loud for years. "Have you heard of them?"

Kelis looked stunned that I had actually replied to her question, leaning forward to pay closer attention. "I haven't."

"There's a reason why." I paused to try to collect my thoughts before I continued. "I knew them when I was your age. We…" I found myself telling her about the two that I had opened my heart to, how we had made it to the surface together, the condition on which we were allowed to go to the surface… I told her about our first and last trip outside the walls together.

She learned the story about the dreadful day I had lost two people who had been everything to me. There were tears welling in her eyes, her food completely forgotten when I had paused after recounting their deaths. "Levi…" She covered her mouth with her hands.

I grimaced at her pity. "I decided to follow Erwin to discover what it was he had set his gaze on." I swallowed the emotions rising from my stomach, making sure to keep my expression neutral. "I wanted to know what inspired his hope."

I pushed the food around my plate with my fork to distract myself for a moment. "I trusted him not to die."

Silence filled the room as I tried to continue.

"Then there was shitty fucking four-eyes." I pushed my plate away, my appetite ruined, and rested my elbows on the table with a sigh.

"Zoë?" Kelis seemed a bit confused as she wiped away her tears with her sleeves.

I could understand her confusion. To anyone else, we hardly seemed like much more than colleagues. "She was… I guess she was a friend." I stared at the table. "Whatever our relationship was, it had ended when she…" I couldn't say it. It would mean she was really gone. "I trusted her, too, and look where it got me. I'm a stray dog, just wanting to lick my wounds after being abandoned."

I stood abruptly, taking my plate and clearing it before washing it and putting it away. "Rest, Kelis." I turned to walk out the door. "I'll be in my study if you need me. Don't push yourself."

"I'll bring you some tea." I heard her say as I turned and walked down the hall to my study. I opened the door and stared in, not exactly sure why I had thought to go there of all places.

I walked over to my desk slowly lowered myself into the chair, trying not to allow a flood of bloody memories to drown me. For a while, I didn't move. It was difficult to breathe, but I eventually relaxed enough to lean forward and rest my elbows on the desk, looking at the untouched, unopened letter I had received months ago.

My mind went to the drawer to my right, which was filled to the brim with Wings of Freedom patches that had belonged to comrades long gone. My eyes stayed focused on the envelope in front of me, trying to go back to the moment I had received it.

Unsuccessful in my endeavor, I leaned over further and rested my head on my arms, giving up on trying to repress my memories. My mind wandered to Zoë, the author of the letter in front of me, and I was somewhat surprised by the memory of her that floated to the forefront of my mind. Allowing myself to relive the moment, I closed my eyes.

 _"Levi?"_

 _I raised a brow to acknowledge Zoë as I continued reading with the woman's head in my lap, absentmindedly stroking her hair._

 _She shifted from her back to her side, her cheek pressed against my thigh as she closed the book she had apparently been reading and dropped it on the floor._

 _I scowled at her, taking my attention away from my book. "Put it on the damn table, you lazy little shit."_

 _"Yeah, yeah." She huffed, languidly moving the book from the floor to the coffee table in front of the couch. "What would you do if we actually won this war for humanity?"_

 _Her question caught me off guard, leading me to stare at her blankly before closing my book. I reached over her and set it on the coffee table, taking a moment to consider her question. "First, you mean 'when' and not 'if' we win. Second," I paused and watched her draw circles on my leg with her finger. "I suppose I would open a tea shop." I let myself imagine it, almost smiling at the thought. "It would be a place where people could just sit down and drink different kinds of tea. Maybe coffee, too."_

 _She returned to her former position on her back, looking up at me with a small smile. "I would never have pegged you as wanting to do something involving other people." Then, as an afterthought: "Would you manage it alone?"_

 _"Would you care to join me?" I gently pushed her hair out of her eyes and behind her ear, my hand lingering on the side of her face as she brightened with a joyous smile._

 _She put her hand over mine without thinking, looking up at me with those bright, happy eyes. "You really mean it?"_

 _"Of course." I leaned down and almost brushed my lips over hers, my mind unable to comprehend my actions. I stopped suddenly, hovering over her lips with wide eyes._

 _A second disguised as an eon passed without either of us moving._

 _Zoë slowly reached up to put her hand behind my head, gently pulling me down and pressing our lips together._

 _Our muscles relaxed at the sensation that felt natural, every advance slow and gentle…almost soothing before we pulled apart and stared at each other in a new light._

 _She smiled and closed her eyes, intertwining her fingers with mine. "I'd like that." Her words had been a response to our conversation, but the meaning behind her words had stirred something in me I had been afraid to indulge myself with._

 _I knew I could trust her, though. I knew she wouldn't just up and disappear like every other person I had held dear. She was strong and knew how to take care of herself. There was no need for me to worry if it was Zoë. "Yeah…" I whispered, pressing my lips to her forehead. I would allow her a key to the maximum security prison I called my heart. "I'd like that, too."_

Even months past that particular moment, my heart swelled and burst. I gave her a key and she had locked herself into my heart before leaving without so much as a goodbye. It had been one of the worst pains I had experienced, but I wouldn't give up the time we had together for the world.

I suppose I shouldn't have said she left without a goodbye. She left me the letter, but I couldn't bring myself to open it. It would be admitting she was truly gone.

She was just a memory.

The worst part about the situation was knowing it was possible for me to feel like I belonged to someone again. While no one could replace Zoë, there was someone who could fill the hole she left and open the doors to my maximum security prison. There was someone who could stand beside me without disappearing to the hands of the titans.

There was a soft rap at the door, making me lift my head from my arms and properly sit in my chair. "Come in."

The door opened slightly and Kelis peeked in. "I brought you tea."

I lowered my eyes to the unopened envelope, my mind filled with a million questions. Sighing, I looked back to Kelis. "What are your thoughts on opening a tea shop with me?"

I had to give it a shot. Even I couldn't stand to be alone forever. It wouldn't be easy, but I would try to open up.

She set the tea on my desk and gave me a confused stare. "Together?"

I fought the pang of emotion caught in my throat at the parallels between conversations, taking the tea and bringing it to my lips as I avoided her eyes. "That's what I'm implying." The knot in my throat wasn't allowing me to easily swallow my tea, so I put it down and leaned onto my desk with my head in my hands.

"I'd like that." I could hear the smile in her voice, and I closed my eyes.

"Yeah." I tried to steady my trembling voice and exhaled slowly. "Me, too."


	16. Chapter Sixteen: Lost and Found

Sup, this be Scare. I'll be honest, since Kelis is my spirit animal the Levi/Hanji ship hurts a bit. But since we killed her off violently, she deserves to come back and punch us all in the feels I guess. For the actual manga I support Levanji (just made dat shit up), and also Leren, which sounds like plumber's name.

Now imagine Levi as a plumber.

Lol.

* Kelis Nilifer *

A tea shop? Yet another sudden turn that I couldn't comprehend. But, in theory, it did sound like a lot of fun. And he had asked me to be with him, too.

Wait, what?

Opening a tea shop meant staying together as we were, as we had been doing since peacetime (as if, peace in this household) had started. He knew that, right?

"Levi, you know that, theoretically, maybe, that opening a shop together would mean being in constant contact as business partners, right?"

"No shit, dumbass," he raised his eyebrows at me. Duh.

"Just making sure," I shrugged. Was I reading too much into him asking me this? Basically asking me to stay with him? Where was the point where he would withdraw from me as he always did?

"If you're going to stalk me all the time, we may as well profit from it,"

"... Maybe I won't open a shop with you." I teased, crossing my arms and looking away from him while pouting.

"Damn. Take a joke,"

"Do you mean it, though? Is this what you really want?"

"Of course, or else I wouldn't have said it."

"'Kay..." I frowned, having noticed that his voice kept quavering, so he was keeping his comments as short as possible. Also, he hadn't touched his tea. "Are you ticklish at all?" I asked.

"If I was, you would be the last person on earth to know."

"Hmph." I stood and walked behind him, then started poking his neck.

"Cut that shit out," he swatted at my hands with no real force behind his actions. I snuck a jab to his stomach, and he let out an odd noise. Ticklish there, logged for future usage. "Dammit, woman!"

I sighed, looping my arms around his neck from behind. "Feel better now?" He stiffened for a moment, then relaxed into a slight slouch. "It's alright. To feel bad sometimes."

"Yeah," his hand closed on mine.

I loved him. The realization hit me with excitement and terror. I loved him so much now.

"Now drink your tea, since I went through the trouble of making it. Think of it as my job application,"

As I withdrew, his hand tightened around mine, keeping one of my arms around him. His mouth brushed my palm, and then he let go. I yanked my arm back, in shock. He did that, right after I had my little revelation... Fate wanted my heart to burst.

I looped Mikasa's scarf around my neck, feeling a bit like a worm inviting itself to be placed on a hook. That's exactly what I was: bait.

"It looks better on you," Jean commented.

"He's only saying that because he's mad at Mikasa," Armin put a hand on his arm.

"Reasonably so," Levi commented dryly from his place next to the door. "Let's get this shit over with,"

"Alright. Good luck," Armin caught my gaze, and we exchanged a silent message, one of mingled hope and fear.

We all left together, but Armin and Jean veered in different directions once we reached the market district where there was the most people. "I hope she's out here," I murmured to Levi.

"I don't," he replied in a dark mutter. "Then again, I do,"

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"I don't want to see that bitch, but I also want to kick her ass," his eyes got darker.

"Why? It's not like she did anything to you personally,"

"The fact that you say that means you're an even bigger dumbass than I thought. You've got a big, dumb ass,"

"Hey..." on impulse I caught his hand in mine. His eyes widened ever so slightly, and we both glanced down. "Can we hold hands?"

"... Alright." He squeezed my hand. Our palms were clammy, both of us on edge with nerves and anticipation. But I still felt braver, having him next to me, and hoped I could provide him with some sense of reassurance even if he didn't need it.

I yanked on his arm when I caught a glimpse of long black hair in my peripheral vision and just knew it was her. Levi gripped my hand tighter and slipped his other hand into his pocket, making me wonder what he had come prepared with. "Mikasa," I called, and she stopped walking as we stood parallel to her, facing forward stronger and taller than she seemed capable of now.

"Give it back." She withdrew a pistol from her jacket. Bystanders noticed and fled the area, opting for a don't see and don't ask questions approach rather than a scream and panic one. But a group stayed with her. Fellow rebels? We hadn't anticipated that…

"Mikasa!" Armin ran out from the corner, Jean on his heels. "Stop it!"

"You need to stay out of this, Armin!" She warned, aiming straight for my head. I took a deep breath and pulled my hand out of Levi's, approaching her slowly on my own. Luck be with me, fate, don't screw me over...

"Mikasa, before you shoot," I pulled the scarf off and held it dangling in the air just out of her reach, intensely aware of her posse starting to form a loose circle around us. Outnumbered. But no turning back. Come on, then... Mikasa stared at me, rage and raw emotion in her eyes. I couldn't bring myself to reciprocate any of the anger and hatred she felt for us. Not towards such a pained creature. "Before you shoot, think about the girl Eren have this scarf to. The girl in front of me right now, would he put this scarf on her, too?"

Her eyes widened, and her mouth opened only to let out no sound. Desperate anger overtook her features, and she lunged forward, aiming to hit my right shoulder as I yanked the scarf out of reach again. The butt of her firearm made contact with my shoulder, creating a burst of pain, as I grabbed onto her hair with my right hand and pushed her back. "BITCH I'M LEFT HANDED!" I snapped as my left fist slammed into her face, sending her flying backwards. I scrambled forward to grab her gun off the ground as the other rebels started to advance.

"Wait!" Mikasa got to her knees, glaring up at me. "Why? Why do you stay by the people who killed Eren?" She looked at me, then at Armin. "Tell me why," she sounded almost like a child, lost and alone.

"I only do what I think is right." Armin said heavily. "That's why we followed Eren in the first place. We clung to someone with high ideals, someone who was an unstoppable force for justice and righteousness. I won't forsake that because he's gone. It makes me feel like he'd be crying if I did."

"They killed him," Mikasa repeated. "And I loved him, and he stopped fighting," she started shaking, her face crumbling as emotion started to overwhelm her.

"I stay by the people I love, too." I said, going for broke and crouching in front of her, wrapping the scarf back around her neck. "And like you, I could never let go of the ones I lost. But I fight for their memories by attaining happiness for myself, too. That's a part of living on. That's what resilience is. Not only surviving, but flourishing too. Mikasa," I tilted her chin up, making her look into my eyes. "No matter how hard it is, it's time to wake up and face things now. With us with you," I gestured to Armin, who had come forward to kneel next to her, taking her hand.

"Come back," he said simply.

"I..." she nodded as tears leaked out of her eyes.

"You're not actually listening to these fools?" A rebel said incredulously.

"..." Mikasa got to her feet, wiping her tears with her sleeve and gritting her teeth. "I'm the fool, for going down the path I did. Now, all of you, get out of my sight,"

"Sorry to tell you, but traitors die. Way of the world," the rebel smirked. I looked over my shoulder at Levi, finding him glancing at me as well. He nodded ever so slightly, and I pulled a knife out of my boot as I shoved the gun in my hand at Armin. Multiple gunshots rang in the air, mostly from behind me. The rebels fell like mosquitoes being preyed upon by a bat, with me only ending up having to kill one with a stab to the jugular.

It had been surprisingly easy. I stood and turned, warm blood dripping from my hands. Levi stood in the middle of the street, tucking a gun into his jacket pocket. Of course. Levi. He'd brought a gun of his own, and had ended up doing a lot of the work. I wiped my knife and hands on the clothes of the man I had killed before tucking it back into my boot.

"Mikasa," I looked at her, not exactly knowing where to go from here but still feeling hope blossom in my chest. I held out my hand towards her, Armin extending an arm as well. She came forward and took both of our hands, letting us lead her like a lost child who had just found a way out of a very deep and dark forest.


	17. Chapter Seventeen: Aftermath

A/N

OHHMAHGAWSH! So, the latest review we've received (the one left on 'Human') was extremely motivating! It's great to know people enjoy our story! I hope you all continue to leave if feedback! Thanks for reading! -Saerenae

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*Levi*

For a moment, all was quiet. I could almost delude myself into thinking that the red staining the cobblestone of the street was actually just masses of flower petals. When my eyes fell on the bodies of the fallen, though, my delusion was shattered. I closed my eyes, tucking my gun into a holster concealed within my jacket as I tried to mentally lift the weight of worlds that had just been placed on my shoulders.

Outwardly, I may have seemed like my normal calm and collected self. However, no matter how perfect a façade I put on, I was internally thrashing about at the disruption of peace. I was wounded by the injustice of the situation. It wasn't what we fought for.

It wasn't what they died for.

"Mikasa…" Kelis's voice brought me out of the abyss of my thoughts with a crash landing, drawing my attention to her as she offered her hand—her forgiveness—to the same woman who had almost taken Kelis's life just days before.

The situation was already outlandishly sickening enough before Armin, too, offered Mikasa his hand.

The three of them stood there in the middle of the blood soaked street, disregarding the gore around them as their soft smiles clashed with the destruction around them. It looked almost as if they were privy to their own perfect world of shadowless light.

Turning away from the too-bright scene they created, I looked to Jean. "Not going to join them in their rainbows and butterflies, pretty boy?" My words were needlessly harsh, the red blotting the edges of my vision bringing back much too painful memories of days long passed.

Jean shook his head and solemnly met my gaze, avoiding looking at the bloody spectacle around us. "We should report this to the queen." His words were clipped, controlled, in an attempt to hide his emotion.

I nodded and turned my attention back to the three smiling fools. "Stop with the fucking sunshine and daisies. It's sickening." I called, immediately rewarded with a scowl from Mikasa. "You've just jumped out of the pot and into the frying pan." I walked over to them, careful to avoid looking at the dead. "You're a criminal, and now you're in the custody of the military."

Kelis's eyes widened and she stepped in front of Mikasa. "Levi!"

I pinched the bridge of my nose. "If it was my choice, she would've already been dead." I watched as horror filled Kelis's eyes, but I couldn't bring myself to feel even the slightest bit of remorse for the truth of my words.

In the long run, I knew killing Mikasa wouldn't appease me. She wasn't the root of the problem at hand. There was no doubt someone above her and I wouldn't rest until they were obliterated for the careless disruption of peace.

Armin nodded, somehow understanding what I was implying. "While I don't agree with the commander's choice of words, he is correct. You are still a criminal."

Kelis looked at Armin with disbelief before understanding seemed to click. About damn time. "We have to speak with Historia." She steadily met my gaze, holding Mikasa's hand without caring that her emotions had kept her from coming to her spoken conclusion sooner.

I turned on my heel, not answering and, instead, silently making my way towards the castle. I couldn't help but brood over the events of recent past and a future that was sure to happen. I had no doubt that Historia would assign Mikasa's care to Kelis and me until the criminal had completely regained our trust.

The atmosphere grew undeniably thicker when we stepped into the throne room.

"Highness." I greeted with a small bow, making sure the others remained behind me.

"Commander Levi. What an unexpected surprise." Historia's voice was laced with almost imperceptible emotion, her face contorted with surprise, confusion, and the slightest hints of fury.

Before I could speak again, Kelis's voice rang out from behind me. "We all know that we have no right to ask you to overlook Mikasa's crimes."

I looked over my shoulder to her with one brow slightly raised. What a way to start.

"However," Kelis paused, looking to me for just a moment. "I personally ask that you give her a chance to atone for those crimes." Her eyes went back to Historia and she clenched her fists, waiting for Historia's reply.

The room was silent, the tension palpable enough that it could be cut with a knife.

"And how do you suggest she atones for her crimes?"

I looked to Historia, somewhat surprised at the curiosity that wavered in her voice. Immediately, I knew where the conversation was headed.

"Allow her to once again join the scouts."

Damn it, woman.

"Kelis—" Mikasa was silenced by Armin, who took her hand to grab her attention.

Historia nodded slowly in thought. "She would be under the care of you and Commander Levi at all times."

Kelis nodded in affirmation. "Correct."

"For now, I'll agree to your suggestion. I'll further discuss it with Pixis to see how to proceed." Historia stood and stepped down from her throne. "Until then, she is not to leave your sight." She looked pointedly at me.

"Of course." My reply wasn't sarcastic, but it wasn't totally submissive either.

Historia clapped her hands together once and forced a smiled. "Great." She held my gaze for a moment more before walking past our group. "Stop by the library. There's someone by the name of Eli I'd like you to meet, Kelis." With that, she left.

The tension was still in the room, but it was much easier to breathe.

I turned to the four behind me and pinched the bridge of my nose. "I swear, Kelis…" I started, but she wasn't listening to me.

Kelis was smiling brightly, holding Mikasa's hands in hers with childlike glee. "Have you ever been inside a library?"

The conversation was lost to me as I dropped my hand to my side. I followed behind the group, observing without being a part of the conversation they were holding on the way to the library. Eventually, I was able to lose myself in my thoughts, drowning out the others completely as we entered the gargantuan library.

I vaguely took note of the young man we met: blond hair, too-bright smile, freakishly tall (about the same height as Jean), and golden eyes. I walked past him without introducing myself, making my way up to the second floor of the library so that I could look down to see everyone.

Armin, Jean, and Mikasa had split into a group, leaving Kelis and who I assumed was Eli to themselves. The group of two kept talking, Kelis being oddly friendly with him as they made their way up the stairs.

I caught pieces of their conversation, but didn't really pay much attention as I leaned over the banister to watch those below. I was too deep in my own thoughts to really care about my current surroundings.

An oddly irrelevant memory invaded my thoughts and I sighed, letting it play through my mind.

 _Zoë laughed, her eyes bright with amusement as she straightened her shirt and tucked it in properly before kneeling beside me in the grass. "We need to get back. That cut…" She chuckled again. "It needs to be patched up."_

 _I narrowed my eyes at her, leaving my shirt off so it wouldn't get stained by my blood. "If you hadn't been so damn careless, maybe my back wouldn't look like I got mauled by a fucking bear, shitty four-eyes." I could feel the blood trickling down my back and grimaced._

 _She shrugged. "Not my fault you landed on rocks."_

 _I stood and crossed my arms, scowling. "I beg to differ."_

 _She too stood, laughing before taking my hand and dragging me away from our spot by the stream and to the mansion. "Can you blame me? You're the one who started it with all those steamy looks."_

 _I tugged my hand away from her grasp, following her as we entered the back yard where Eren and Mikasa were immersed in their sparring match. Seeing as we were basically invisible to them, we entered the through the kitchen and made our way up to my room. "Don't even fucking think about a second round." I scolded, tossing my shirt onto the bed and stripping out of the pants that had caught most of the blood at the waist._

 _Zoë laughed again, her voice a sweet melody that drifted through the air. "Damn. My plan has been foiled." Somewhere along the way, she must have grabbed a wet towel. She walked over to me and gestured for me to turn my back to her, wiping the blood off of my lower back before turning me back around. "Get some pants on. Don't want someone walking in on you naked."_

 _I did as she said before she started cleaning the deepest cut just below my shoulder blade._

 _"This one might leave a scar…" Zoë said after she had finished cleaning it. "You actually need a couple stitches."_

 _"Damn it, woman." I cursed._

 _She smiled at me, picking up the bloody towel and my dirty pants as she made her way to the door. "I'll be back." And so she left me to stew in my thoughts, causing my body to react in ways I didn't exactly want it to._

 _Zoë returned with a small suture kit and some bandages, closing the door behind her before turning to me. "Erwin is making tea." She stopped, her eyes flowing over me before she burst into laughter again. "Thought you said not to even think about a second round." She made me turn around so she could stitch my wound, all the while chuckling at my pitiful state._

 _She placed a bandage over the stitches and wrapped her arms around my shoulders from behind, her breath tickling the nape of my neck. "Who would've thought our captain was so lewd?"_

 _A knock at the door had me reluctantly pushing her arms off of me, adjusting my pants before calling out to whoever was on the other side of the door. "Come in."_

 _Zoë seemed to find something wrong with the bandage, darting behind me to adjust it._

 _Kelis stepped in and blinked, her mouth open to speak, but no words falling out. "Ohh…uhm…I can come back."_

 _Zoë laughed again and I elbowed her. "It's not like that." She giggled._

 _Well, it was, but Kelis didn't need to know that._

 _Kelis looked confused. "What?"_

 _Zoë forced me to turn my back to the clueless girl standing in my doorway. "I was stitching up a cut."_

 _Kelis's eyes widened and she almost dropped the cup in her hand. "What happened?"_

 _I sighed and pinched the bridge of my nose. "Just a…sparring wound."_

 _Kelis looked even more confused._

 _Zoë picked up her suture kit and skipped towards the door. "Looks like the tea is done!"_

 _Kelis moved out of Zoë's way before just staring at me with befuddlement. "Zoë got the better of you?"_

 _I pulled a clean shirt over my head and tucked it into my pants before adjusting my belts. "Technicality." I ran my hand through my hair and walked over to her. "Have something to say?"_

 _Kelis shook her head before smiling awkwardly, not meeting my eyes. "I guess just that the tea is done." I smiled without smiling at her awkwardness before passing her and making my way down to the kitchen where I was sure to receive knowing glances from Erwin. "Ahh, hell." I whispered under my breath when I walked in to see him and Zoë laughing._

I gush of air left my nose at the thought in what I assumed was a laugh, my face not quite changed by the smile I was feeling. I turned and looked over my shoulder at the sound of Kelis's laughter.

"How is it having him as a grandfather?" She questioned the young man beside her.

Eli smiled softly, pulling a book from above her head and opening it. "He's more like a father than a grandfather." He flipped through a couple pages of the book before turning it to Kelis. "Ever heard of…"

They continued to talk, Kelis smiling more than I'd ever seen before. It brought a knot to my stomach and an unusual urge to disrupt them, but I let them be, a vague sense of familiarity at the sight of the boy prodding at my mind.

I shrugged it off and went in search of a book.


	18. Chapter Eighteen: Memento

Hi, Scare is happy right now and she hopes you are too. And so we have birthed another OC. Yas!

* Kelis Nilifer *

Someone Historia wanted me to meet? Eli. The name was familiar, but it was a vague sense of recollection, as if it was something I hadn't paid attention to, a weak tie. It was sort of exciting, the mystery of it all.

I knew that Levi wasn't happy with me, but we had still established before that I was prone to making selfish decisions when people I cared about were in danger. What was best for Mikasa, at least in the opinions of Armin and myself, was to be near the people who cared for her, the ones who could help her heart heal.

Plus, it kind of just gave me a nice rush to do something Levi didn't like. Sort of a payback for his general grumpiness.

We all entered the library, Armin, Jean and Mikasa leaving the group to give the latter a tour and possibly have a private conversation. I didn't know, and didn't care, really. We all probably had our separate issues with her at this point.

The only other person in the library was a tallish blonde boy, standing around Jean's height so that he rather eclipsed both Levi and I in that respect. He smiled widely when he caught sight of us, approaching with long strides.

"Kelis, Commander Le..." he trailed off and tilted his head when Levi strode right past him without a word. "Oh." He turned to me, eyebrows raised.

"He's like that a lot of the time. Crabby. It's not personal, I don't think. Sorry," I explained.

"Oh, okay then," he laughed. "So... Sorry to be forward, but do you remember me?"

"Um..." I looked upwards, into his eyes. He blinked, golden eyes framed in long blonde eyelashes like the rays of the sun. And I remembered him.

 _The final battle was upon us. The titans and the scouts were moments away from clashing. Reactions were varied. Some were in a panic, some had dead eyes, but a pleasing majority looked ready. Scared, yes, but the natural fear was tempered by the bravery and conviction radiating from them._

 _"Excuse me," I approached Levi and Hanji._

 _"Yeah?" The captain made eye contact with me. We'd been on the same team for a while now, forming some sort of bond by association. I hadn't yet sorted out how I felt about him, since he was equal parts amazing and infuriating, but Hanji was a different story. I stood on my tiptoes and put my arms around her neck, and she squeezed the breath out of me._

 _"Just one more time, Kellie," she whispered just for me to hear. "And then anything is possible," I nodded into her neck, and we held position for a few seconds before releasing each other._

 _"By the way, that's for luck. It's not a goodbye," I smiled at both of them before retreating back into the ranks. Somehow, out of everyone, I ended up noticing a boy with long blonde hair hanging in his face. He took a flask out of his jacket, so I approached him._

 _"Hey," he smiled at me before I could say anything. "You want some?"_

 _"I can appreciate a little liquid courage, I guess, but remember that you have to stay sharp," I said._

 _"Just a sip to remind me of a certain someone I have to get back to," he shrugged and took a small swig before replacing it into his jacket. "I think it's a good thing to keep in mind," he turned his smile back on me, equal parts happiness and a sort of gentle comfort. He was ready, I realized._

 _"It is, isn't it?" I found myself offering a small smile back._

 _"Eli," he said suddenly. "Just in case, my name is Eli, last name-"_

 _"Not listening!" I stood on my tiptoe and pressed my hand to his mouth. "Listen to me. Just one more time. One more time, Eli, and then, then I'd like to learn your name." I took my hand away, waiting until his shock settled back into calm determination._

 _"You are?" He asked softly._

 _"Kelis," I smiled, saving the last part of my name for later. He smiled back at me, amused. I nodded at him Before turning away to find other friends to talk to, feeling the need to despite saying that it wasn't a goodbye._

"You! The scout I talked to just before... that last time," I bit my lip and looked down, suddenly slapped by sentimental, heart-wrenching feeling for all who had been lost.

"That's me," he held out his hand, smiling the same comforting smile, his sharp eyes having seemed to deduce my change in emotion. "It's nice to really meet you. Eli Pixis,"

I grasped his hand, feeling familiar callousness that many scouts had from holding their swords. "Kelis Nilifer," I blinked at him. "Did you say Pixis?" Either my math was wrong or Pixis had done something pretty magical or racy to have a child at this age.

"Yes. Dot Pixis, an acquaintance of yours, is my grandfather," Eli explained. Oh thank goodness that made so much more sense... "He, well, he talks about you sometimes, so... I still really wanted to meet you," Eli smiled a bit shyly, his moods betrayed by each change of expression, a lot like me.

"I guess that's flattering..." I blushed. "Being mentioned..."

"I don't know, really. He's kind of a perverted old coot," Eli shrugged. "I say that with love, of course,"

A laugh escaped me, and Eli chuckled at it. "How is it having him as a grandfather?" I asked. Pixis was odd sometimes, but he was a kind and dedicated man.

Eli smiled softly as he reached above us to slide out a book from the shelf. "He's more like a father than a grandfather," he flipped through some pages, then turned the book to me. "Ever heard of memento mori or memento vivi?"

I reached out to brush my fingertips along the drawing on the page, the image of a skull, an hourglass, and a flower. "No, I haven't. What are they?"

"See, memento mori is to remember that you must die. Memento vivi is the opposite, a reminder of the importance of celebrating life. I was pretty much obsessed with this stuff when I was a scout," he smiled down at me as I tugged the book gently from his hands and pored over the images.

"Wow... That's fascinating, Eli," his animation was infectious and his easygoing manner drew me in.

"Want to hear a secret?" Eli dropped his voice to a playful whisper.

"What?" I matched his voice level, finding that I was unable to stop smiling in his presence.

"In the last battle against the titans, there was a point where people were dying all around me. I couldn't think, but then, our conversation flashed into my mind. Your face," he smiled, eyes captivating, a sun I could gaze at without ever looking away. "My memento vivi,"

I caught my breath as my heart skipped a beat. The intensity he possessed was terrifying and exhilarating in that moment. Just like somebody else I knew... "E-Eli, I," I stuttered, feeling my face redden as I was unable to look at him. It was an incredible feeling, knowing I had been able to have that sort of positive influence on someone.

"It's not a big deal. I just wanted to tell you how much I appreciate you, I guess," he laughed it off, smiling a shy smile again. "So, are you looking for any kinds of books in particular?" I know my way around pretty well." He offered. "Spend a lot of time reading,"

"Well..." I closed the book he had pulled and held it against my chest. "I like stories with happy endings,"

"Like, fairy tales? Yeah, I can help with that. Come on," he led me to the upper level of the library. "It's nice to have leisure time now, isn't it?"

"That's for sure," I said, although most of my free time was spent taking care of things around the mansion and trying to keep peace with Levi...

"Here we are," Eli made a grand sweep of his arm. "Happy endings," he started to lead through titles.

"Can I see?" I stood on my tiptoes, swaying as I tried to get up towards his perspective.

"Sure," he let out a little mischievous laugh and then grabbed me by the hips.

"Uwah!" I let out a yell in surprise. And then I was towering, my legs on either side of Eli's shoulders as my feet dangled against his torso.

"Can you see them now?" He asked teasingly.

"D-don't drop me, okay?" I grabbed onto his hair.

"No worries," he said gently. "I've got you. Just steer me where you want to go," he laughed.

"Um... To, to the right a bit," I directed shyly, making sure to always keep one hand in his hair for balance.

"'Kay,"

"Have you read this one? 'Grimm's Complete Fairy Tales'."

"Ooh, no. Stay away from that one. A lot of depressing and creepy ones stuffed in there,"

"Oh, okay. Can you go back to the left?" Once I had gotten used to it, it was actually pretty fun being up high. I tried spreading my arms out wide and laughed.

"Having fun?" Eli chuckled.

"Maybe a little," I pulled out a thicker book. "Beauty and the Beast?"

"I've never read it. Worth a shot, I guess,"

"Alright. Um," I clutched the books to me. "Can I get down now?"

"If you must," Eli teased, and I squeezed my eyes shut as he maneuvered me off of him, opening my eyes when my feet touched the ground again. "Hey," Eli was standing behind me, rather close, hands still on my hips.

"Yes...?" I turned around, then pressed my back against a bookshelf, recalling similar situations where I had felt trapped before by the one person my thoughts always trailed back to. Eli took a breath, looking at me with a sort of shy intensity.

"Are you free for dinner tonight, Kelis?"

"I..." Was I? Dinner with Eli... It would be nice, wouldn't it... But still... "I don't know if you're aware of the situation, but we have someone moving in tonight and I feel like I need to be there to keep peace. Sorry," Mikasa still hated Levi, and I could tell that at least part of the feeling was mutual.

Eli's face fell for an instant, but he quickly gave me a reassuring smile as he backed away a step. "Okay. Good luck," he just didn't want me to feel bad for having to turn him down...

"Um... T-tomorrow night? Dinner? Would that work?" I asked.

"Yeah!" Eli said enthusiastically before clearing his throat and laughing at himself. "I'd like that,"

"Yeah, me too," I smiled up at him.

"So, I know this is sudden, but..." Eli looked me in the eyes. "I'm no good if I'm not forward. I like you very much, and I want to get to know you if you're willing to extend that courtesy to me. I guess I should have said that before asking you to dinner," he frowned at himself.

I stared at him, not fully comprehending what he was saying or what he was offering. But as far as getting to know him was concerned... "Okay, Eli. Let's get to know each other a lot better,"

He grinned, taking me by the hips again and swinging me around in a circle until my back was to the front of the aisle of shelves instead of the bookcase. "Let's," he laughed, and I smiled at him.

"You make me sort of unconditionally happy, Eli, if that makes sense. You're the first person I've ever met that does that," How was it possible to feel like you had known someone forever?

The serious note to Eli's happy expression conveyed that he felt the same way. "I can't wait for tomorrow,"

"Me either..." I realized, feeling my heart thump a little harder again. What was this?

"Tomorrow?"

My heart leapt to my throat at the voice from behind me. I turned around as Eli yanked his hands away from my waist and put them into his pockets. "L-Levi," I stammered, meeting his dark eyes, two eclipses that blocked out the sun.


	19. Chapter Nineteen: Run

A/N

So, Scare and I were looking back at our previous chapters just to see about how much time has passed so we could get an idea of where we were ('cause why not?), and we realized that we've progressed roughly twenty days from where the story first started. Twenty days as of chapter twenty-four. We're a bit ahead in writing, but it helps for when we (being mostly moi) have moments of "WHY ISN'T THIS FLOWING?!" So yeah. Just a lil tidbit. Anyways, hope you enjoy!

-Saerenae

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*Levi*

I stood there, watching the two of them with a book clenched in my hand. It irritated me that he so easily placed his hands on her, but what made it worse was the fact she didn't even seem to mind his too-familiar touch. I would've just passed by, ignoring the odd sense of possessiveness that was trying to take hold of me, but I heard their words and couldn't help but join them.

"I can't wait for tomorrow." The kid hadn't even noticed me. He was too busy swooning over Kelis to see my scowl.

"Me either." Kelis seemed to be trapped in the same bubble, oblivious to anything and everything other than the golden haired boy in front of her.

I crossed my arms, narrowing my eyes at Eli before turning my attention back to Kelis. "Tomorrow?" I watched as the bubble of obliviousness popped and they crash landed back into reality, both practically jumping out of their skins.

Kelis quickly turned around to meet my eyes, looking up at me like a kid who had been caught with her hand in the cookie jar. "L-Levi…" I captured her eyes with mine, holding her gaze with just a thread of patience.

"Spit it out, you little shit." I watched as she dropped her eyes, fidgeting nervously and biting her lip. "And stop biting your fucking lip." I didn't really need to add my last statement, but she was making it difficult to concentrate on why I was angry.

Kelis pressed her lips together in an attempt to stop biting them before looking over her shoulder to Eli. "Well, you see…"

My eyes traveled to Eli, waiting for him to explain since Kelis seemed unable to do so.

He seemed to have regained a bit of his composure, smiling down at me as he spoke. "Just dinner between two friends."

I didn't know what made me more irritated: the fact he was looking down on me, his blatant admission, or that shit eating grin he had plastered on his face. Each of the above was more than enough to piss me off alone, but all together they ignited something sinister.

My scowl deepened and I took a step forward mildly satisfied that his smile faltered for a moment. "Listen here, you son of a—"

"Commander! Ahaha, there you are!" Armin cut in awkwardly, stepping in between Eli and me. Armin slowly pushed Eli away while still addressing me. "We should probably be getting back. We have a lot to discuss this evening." He turned his forced smile to Eli, pushing the golden boy away gently. "It was a pleasure meeting you, Eli. We'll be seeing you around, I'm sure." Armin lowered his voice and spoke to Eli in a whisper I couldn't hear, Eli's eyes widening before he smiled and waved to Kelis.

"I'll see you tomorrow, Kelis." Eli parted with an impish wink to Kelis, causing Armin to shake his head subtly.

My gaze settled on Kelis who was squirming uncomfortably before I saw the book in her hand. "Beauty and the Beast? What an unrealistic ending." With that, I walked past her and Armin, making my way downstairs to where Jean and Mikasa were sitting on the floor with a couple books spread out before them. "We're leaving."

Mikasa's wonder filled eyes settled on me with a glare, muttering under her breath before dutifully closing the books and standing.

—

Dinner had passed awkwardly, the conversations about Mikasa not being left unsupervised eventually leading to the conclusion that she would share a room with Kelis. Neither had been particularly happy about it, but they hadn't been unhappy with the decision either.

I had retired to my room as soon as the sun had set, wanting to escape the frustrating situations that seemed to be assaulting me every few seconds. I stripped out of my shirt and boots, putting them away before settling down onto my couch with the book I had gotten from the library. "The Art of Living: The Classical Manual on Virtue, Happiness, and Effectiveness." I read aloud, amused by the title. Why I had even picked it up was a mystery to me, but I gave it a chance and flipped to a random page to yet again quietly read aloud.

"How long can you afford to put off who you really want to be?" It was almost laughable. "Your nobler self cannot wait any longer. Put your principles into practice – now. Stop the excuses and the procrastination. This is your life. You aren't a child anymore." I skipped over a few lines and read a little more, caught in between putting the book down and reading it from the beginning. It seemed a little too…motivational.

"The longer you wait, the more you'll be vulnerable to mediocrity and feel filled with shame and regret, because you know you are capable of better. From this instant on, vow to stop disappointing yourself."

I closed my eyes and leaned my head back, putting the book face down on my lap and letting the word sink into the depths of my being. "Vow to stop disappointing yourself." I allowed myself a bitter laugh. How the hell was I supposed to stop disappointing myself?

I opened the book again, this time starting on the very first page, hoping that maybe it would hold the answers to the questions it had sparked in my mind.

At some point, the sun had started peeking in through my window, signaling morning, but I was still only half way through the book. Epictetus had posed some questions and thoughts that had me rereading sentences, paragraphs, and pages until I was left swimming in confusion and frustration at my own lack of, well…happiness. I closed the book and left it on the coffee table in front of me before standing and pulling my boots out.

I slipped them on before pulling a shirt on and straightening it. A yawn escaped my lips as I exited my room and made my way down to the kitchen where I found Armin sitting alone.

I made tea with the hot water Armin had boiled, leaning against the counter wordlessly.

The boy started into his coffee, both hands clasped around the mug. "Commander Levi?"

I pinched the bridge of my nose. Every conversation I didn't want to happen seemed to start with someone saying my name. I was none too pleased with what was becoming a regular occurrence. "Yes, Armin?" I replied through closed teeth.

"What exactly made you and Hanji pursue a relationship that was more than just friendship?"

I blinked at the question, not quite sure if I had heard him correctly. "You're asking why?" It was a question I hadn't asked myself, and therefore I didn't have an answer for.

"I'm asking if you furthered your relationship out of general attraction to Zoë or if it was for some other reason." Armin met my gaze for the first time, seeming genuinely curious and not at all spiteful.

"What makes you think we were more than friends?" It was a defense mechanism. I knew Zoë and I had been anything but tactful in hiding that we were intimate, but we had never truly pursued a relationship that could be defined as courtship.

A wry smile curved Armin's lips as he looked back to his coffee. "Well, I could name a number of times you would both go off somewhere and return a little less…tense for the lack of a better word." He ran a finger over the rim of his mug, absently leaning one elbow on the table.

"That constitutes as being more than friends?"

Armin looked up at me, exasperated. "While you may not have been as open about your feelings towards her, it was harder for her to hide how deeply she cared for you." He let his softly spoken words echo in the silent room for a moment before speaking again. "She loved you Levi. So, I beg the question: did you love her? Or did you use her as a distraction? "

I dropped my cup into the sink, letting it clatter noisily. "She wasn't a distraction." I growled before storming out the back, slamming the door behind me as the fresh morning air hit my face. I leaned against the door for a moment, stunned. If Zoë hadn't been a distraction, did that mean I had loved her? Was that why trying to let her go was so painful? Was it why I still couldn't bring myself to open her letter?

I clenched my fists in my hair before pushing myself off the door with the determination to go for a morning jog in hopes that it would clear my head of the torturous thoughts.

—

The noon sun fiercely rained down on me, sweat dripping from every pore in my body. Somewhere along my run, I had freed myself of my shirt. I stopped at the stream, bending over to catch my breath as I wiped sweat out of my eyes and pulled my boots off.

Blisters had formed on the backs of my heels, proof that it had been far too long since I had been on such a long run. I stepped into the cool stream with my sweat soaked pants still on, dipping myself under before coming up, wiping my eyes, and just sitting in water.

I cleaned myself as much as I possibly could without soap before slowly walking back to the mansion with my boots in my hands. I left them outside the door before stepping into the kitchen, still dripping wet, to find Kelis and Mikasa at the kitchen table.

My thoughts still hadn't drifted from my earlier conversation, but the harshness of the run had made the focus of my thoughts a little hazy. I wasn't able to clearly distinguish between my own thoughts and the thoughts Armin had seeded into my mind.

Kelis looked at me worriedly, the inner debate of whether to stand or stay sitting playing plainly across her features. "Are you okay?"

I ignored her question and passed through the kitchen to make my way to my room where I could change out of my soaked pants. Drying off, I properly dressed myself and put on my spare pair of boots before trekking back down to the kitchen in search of food my body so desperately needed after the run.

Mikasa's eyes met mine when I entered the room, but she looked back to Kelis and returned to the conversation the two of them had been having. "So you didn't really flesh out the details."

Kelis shook her head, her back to me. "Not really. I suppose dinner means anywhere from four to seven in the evening."

My jaw ticked when understanding ripped through me. I noisily rooted around for ingredients, waiting for one of the two to comment. Met with silence, I straightened with rice and dehydrated meat in my hands before moving them to the counter where I could fix a simple meal.

"Mikasa!" Armin peeked into the kitchen, his eyes widening when he felt the tension. "Ahh." He scratched the back of his head. "I was wanting to show you something…" He trailed off.

Mikasa stood abruptly. "Show me."

Armin looked somewhat surprised, but nodded before walking out with Mikasa.

I shook my head and returned to the task at hand.

"Does it bother you?"

I put the lid on the pot with rice in it before turning to face Kelis with my arms crossed as I leaned against the counter. "Probably." There were many things that bothered me, so there really was a good possibility that whatever she was asking about had, at some point, irritated me. "What are you talking about?"

"Me…having dinner with another man." She asked, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear.

I looked up to the ceiling and spoke drolly. "Fuck, Kelis." I listened to the boiling water for a moment. "If you want me to be jealous, you're in for a world of disappointment." I looked at her, gauging her reaction. "Jealousy would mean I have feelings for you."

Kelis looked almost crestfallen for a split second before she stood and lightly smiled, like a ray sunshine forcing its way through an unrelenting storm. "I guess it was a stupid question."

"You don't say."

She laughed dryly and nodded to herself. "After all, you don't seem like the type."

"The type to have feelings for someone?" I was slightly irritated, but unsure why. "The type to be jealous?" I uncrossed my arms and gripped the counter I was leaning on as I clenched my teeth.

Kelis looked surprised, her mouth opening to speak. "I—"

"I am the type." I let it hang in the air. "How could you have been so damn blind to not see I was fucking Zoë?" I watched as hurt clouded her eyes. "I had feelings for her. Well, fuck that, right?" I threw my hands in the air with frustration. "I know the cruel twist of jealousy."

I wanted to shut myself up, but I couldn't. My voice was growing louder as I continued, not understanding the words that were falling out of my mouth. "I may or may not have loved her, but the damn universe wasn't about to give me the time to figure it out." It wasn't a conversation I needed to be having with anyone other than myself, but I couldn't control myself. "Instead, I'm stuck with you." The sentence was quiet, delivered with a coldness I hadn't intended.

She recoiled at my harshness and I immediately regretted my choice of words, stepping forward and reaching out to grab my words from the air and take them back. I stopped when I noted the way she was biting her thumb to hold in her tears.

I kicked the leg of a chair in a fit of rage at my own stupidity, watching the furniture break as it fell. I stormed out of the kitchen and towards the front door when I noticed Armin and Mikasa.

I paused for a moment, Armin's eyes on me with…disappointment? I scowled before looking to Mikasa.

She was glaring, obviously having heard the whole exchange along with Armin.

I continued without a word, opening the front door and running nose first into a brick wall. "Fuck!" I held my nose and looked up to see a pair of honey colored eyes and glimmering golden hair, the light seeming to cast a shimmering halo around Eli's head.

Could the day get any worse?

"Get the fuck out of my way, bastard." I shoved past him, not stopping to see if anyone cared to so much as watch as I stormed off.

I fucked up.

Not only did I take my anger out on the wrong person, I had made my outburst way too personal.

Kelis didn't deserve to be hurt like that.

I wasn't stuck with her. I was privileged to have her.

God, I had royally fucked up.


	20. Chapter Twenty: Planning

'ALLO! Scare here. Ah yes, our resident porcupine makes progress in realizing the error of his ways right as the female protagonist goes on an innocent (? ;) ) outing with another man. I must say that I revel in the shoujo of it all! -Scare

Okay...so, I know this is Scare's chapter, but I have to add a little note: THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THE REVIEWS. They're really encouraging. We love hearing from you all and getting your opinions. Hope you enjoy! -Saerenae

* Kelis Nilifer *

I came back to my senses when I faintly tasted blood, yanking my thumb out from between my teeth and wiping it on my skirt. It was a bad habit that didn't help anything. In the back of my mind I resolved to just stop it. But my thoughts were consumed with other things.

I had finally realized, after everything, that the person I loved was never going to love me back.

I wasn't quite prepared for this. Had I brought it upon myself by asking him if it bothered him, me going somewhere with Eli? But I'd had to know. Something I had wanted from him, maybe desperate for affirmation of the feeling I had, something more than what we had that I was starting to need. All of that had ended up wrecking everything. It all felt like it was floating around me, useless shatters.

I dropped my face into my hands, calming down on my own time. After a few moments I felt hands gently close around my wrists, tugging my arms back down.

"Are you okay?"

"Eli..." I was both disappointed that the one standing before me wasn't the person who had just tried to verbally tear me apart and overjoyed that it was the person who seemed to spread happiness wherever he went. I needed that right now. "I am and I'm not. I don't know," I said, sniffing.

"Tell me what I can do. Anything," he looked at me intently.

"Distract me?" I smiled weakly at him. "Let's just continue as we were,"

"Alright then," he twined his fingers with mine and started leading me towards the front door. "Are you still hungry? I know when I get sad I lose my appetite,"

"Really? I'm the opposite. I always want sweet things when I'm sad," I admitted sheepishly. Eli chuckled and I felt my own smile become a bit more sincere.

"Kelis," Armin met us at the door. "I'm going after him... Are you still going forward with your plans?" He glanced at Eli.

"Yes," I nodded firmly.

"Good," Mikasa chimed in, smiling a bit at me and seeming satisfied.

"Have fun, then," Armin jogged away from the mansion.

"Don't bring her back too late either," Mikasa raised her eyebrows at Eli.

"Er, okay," he blinked, looking away from her. "You have some scary friends," he commented once we were out of earshot.

"Scary? No, not really. Just... damaged," I shrugged.

"Yeah, that's true too..." he tilted his head, considering the aftermath of the titans on all of us. "You know, Armin told me that Commander Levi was jealous of me being near you," he glanced at me, looking for my opinion on the matter.

"That's not possible," I laughed hollowly. "He loves someone else. I'm pretty much a nuisance to him,"

"Really..." Eli squeezed my hand, frowning. "I don't get it,"

"What?"

"Why you want to deal with being hurt like this. Of course I know that lots of things aren't my business, but I really don't want you being unhappy,"

"Thanks, Eli. I can handle this, though," Somehow...

"Are you planning on staying with him forever?"

"Wh-what?" I jumped.

"You heard me," he bumped me gently.

"... I... I guess not," It had never occurred to me, that there would be a separation from Levi, or anything after him. I simply hadn't considered it.

"Good," Eli nodded.

"Good?" I echoed.

"That you're not taken, I mean,"

"Uh... um. What?"

"I said it before, right? I like you," he grinned at me, ever a radiant beacon of light. Before I could form a reply or even consider his intentions or what I thought of them he tugged me to the left. "It's here," we slipped into a modest building that had the most delicious smells wafting around it.

"Wow..." I looked around. I'd never even known anything like this was here...

"Kelis?" Familiar voices...?

"Sasha, Connie?!" I stared at them, both behind the counter wearing aprons.

"Oh my gosh!" Sasha leapt over the counter, falling over bar stools before scrambling up and coming to hug me. Connie simply used a gate on the side of the counter and approached us, grinning. "I didn't know you were in the interior!" Sasha cried out, shaking my shoulders.

"I didn't know you were here either!" I replied, compelled to match her volume.

"Calm down, guys," Connie sighed. "It is really good to see you, Kelis. Hey, Eli,"

"You know each other?" I asked.

"Yeah, he helped get our name out there. Business is good," Connie laughed.

"Couldn't hog all the goodness to myself," Eli shrugged.

"Since it's you guys, how about half price on what you order?" Connie offered.

"On the house!" Sasha jumped in.

"Uh, no," Connie said flatly. "The usual, Eli?"

"With dessert, please, whichever one you think is best. Thank you," Eli dipped his head.

"Why not on the house? They're our friends!" Sasha followed Connie into the back kitchen, pestering him.

"Get off my back, woman!"

We laughed as we sat on the bar stools. I spun around in circles on mine until I was dizzy. "Geez," Eli laughed at me.

"Soooo," I swayed back and forth a bit until my dizziness faded. "You said that Pixis was more like a father than a grandfather... Do you mind me prying?"

"Not at all. My parents were sent out on the 'recovery' mission after Shinganshina fell, so my grandfather raised me until I was old enough to enter military training. He's always been incredibly supportive,"

"That's very good to hear," I smiled up at him. Sitting down we were a lot closer in height. Still, very uneven, but I'd take what I could get.

"I've been lucky in life, having anything at all in the way of family and then getting something so great," he turned his smile on me. "What about you?"

"Oh... Well, my parents died during the attack on Shinganshina, and after that..." I trailed off, thinking of the man that had come to be my father, Erwin Smith. But this was something I hadn't even told Levi. I'd always thought he'd be the first I told... But what was the point of that now? "Once I joined the scouts, Commander Erwin became a sort of father figure for me,"

"That's good. He was another good man," Eli paused, and then guilt flashed across his features. "And what about Commander Levi? What did he become to you?"

"Why are you so concerned about him, Eli...?"

"What, it's not like he's the only one who can get jealous," he mumbled shyly.

"Between Levi and I, nothing like that... exists," I looked away, feeling relieved when Connie brought the food out.

"It's half price," he actually sounded triumphant at that.

"Take victories when you can get 'em, eh, buddy?" Eli laughed.

"Yeah, but what're you gonna do?" Connie shrugged and smiled. "Enjoy,"

"Waah..." I was basically drooling.

"You're too cute," Eli smiled and then laughed, sliding me a fork. "No need to wait, let's dig in," It was unsurprising that the main dish was a potato, but it was also a heavenly potato filled with cheese and bacon and everything else good in the world. The desserts were quite generous as well. Admittedly, I ate most of the sweet things available.

"Thank you!" Eli called after we were done eating.

"Thank you too, Eli. I can pay you back later, for that,"

"No worries, it was my treat," he said it naturally, as if that was the obvious way for it to be. "Hey, so..."

"Hm?"

"Let's take the long route back," he suggested, blushing.

"O-okay," we held hands again, walking slowly. It was dusk now, the brights colors of sunset beginning to fade into blackness and stars.

"Have I been okay today?" Eli blurted suddenly.

"Of course,"

"Kelis, I think that you haven't..." he shook his head. "I mean..."

"Eli, you're about as awkward as I am," I laughed.

"Yeah, almost," he chuckled, looking a bit relieved.

"You know," I began. "I've never taken the time to look at everything that's around here in the interior. How many things there are to see,"

"How about I show them all to you, then?" He offered, smiling warmly but still serious. "Bit by bit,"

"O-okay..." I looked away, feeling my face redden again. I found myself thinking that we got back to the mansion too soon.

"Well then... I'm not that good at planning, but I'll be sure to stop in, keep in touch, until next time," Eli rambled, blushing.

"G-good! I look forward to it,"

"So... how was all the dessert?" He asked with an impish grin.

"Sorry, sorry, chocolate just goes so well with depression," I mumbled.

"I..." Eli touched my cheek, the scarred one, sending electric spasms through my body. He grazed his mouth against mine, applying more pressure for a fuller touch when I didn't protest. He smiled nervously and happily when he leaned back. "Tastes good,"

My face felt like it was on fire. "Eli, that line,"

"I'm sorry, I wasn't really sure where I was going with it either at first," he sounded sheepish, but too happy to be sorry about it. "But, seriously... your mouth tastes like apples..." his whole face flushed red. "I'll stop now,"

"... Um... You ended on a good note," I mumbled.

"Good," he snuck in another kiss. "Goodnight, Kelis," he smiled warmly before turning away.

"G-g... Goodnight!" I called after him, then rushed inside the house. It was quiet, everyone probably already having decided to turn in. I went to the room I was now sharing, finding Mikasa reading the fairy tale I had taken.

"Hello, Kelis. How was it?"

"It went well," I sat on the bed next to her, sprawling out.

"You know that I hate Levi, right?" She said suddenly.

"Yes, I know," I blinked at her, wondering what point she wanted to make.

"He said some awful things today, but even I can understand that they came from a place of pain, so I know you know that too. But that's not an excuse. You need to start looking out for your own happiness," she sighed. "I'm sorry. I know I'm biased against him anyways, but as a friend this is the best advice I can give you,"

"That book," I pointed at it. The Beauty and the Beast... "In the end, she saves the monster's life and turns him back into a human by loving him,"

"Way to spoil it for me..." she had only been about halfway through.

"It really is so unrealistic, just like he said," my voice broke, and Mikasa put an arm around my shoulders as I buried my face in her neck. "You can't heal someone just by loving them."


	21. Chapter Twenty One: Stray

*Levi*

I put my hand on my forehead, rubbing my temples harshly as I continued my fast paced walk away from the mansion. The trees had started to thin, producing houses every so often, and the dirt gave way to cobblestone, signaling that I had made it to town.

I dropped my hand from my forehead and stopped in the middle of the bustling street. People were smiling and laughing, haggling and bickering around me, ignoring my agony as if I were but a stray dog. And honestly, that's all I was. It's all I deserved to be.

I had bitten the hand that cared for me and then run away, not giving my protector the chance to forgive me. Who could forgive a disposable stray, though? Why give me another chance when there was a much more confident, less broken man willing to sweep her off her feet?

Looking around, my eyes fell on a small booth selling brooches and other shiny pieces. I stepped over and the older woman behind the booth smiled at me kindly as I looked at the array of choices, a purple flower necklace immediately drawing my attention.

I spoke with the woman, noting how her wrinkles framed her gentle smile, until I eventually felt a hand on my shoulder. Tucking my hands into my pockets, I turned to find Armin looking from me to the woman.

"At least this time you know you were in the wrong."

His words brought back the shame I had managed to push aside, bringing forth a bubbling anger that seemed to always accompany my guilt as a form of defense. I turned away from the booth and continued walking down the street, Armin following beside me.

"There's such a thing as apologizing." His voice was low, knowing he was suggesting a foreign concept to me. His eyes drifted from me to the cobblestone before him as he walked. "She's going to think you hate her if you keep this up."

"If it wasn't for you fucking asking how I felt about Zoë—" I stopped speaking, clenching my teeth to keep myself from continuing trying to push the blame on someone else. It was no one's fault other than my own. I deserved this shame.

Armin smiled bitter sweetly. "I know you weren't using her as a distraction." His eyes remained forward, looking up to the horizon that was still a couple hours from being colored with the sun's last painting of the day. "I also know that you didn't love her like she loved you."

I observed him as though he were speaking a foreign language because, quite frankly, he was. "If this is your way of showing me pity, I don't want it."

Armin shook his head slightly, his hair falling over his shoulders. It had gotten longer since he had been gone. Strange that I had just noticed. "It's not pity." He met my eyes, worlds of knowledge playing across those intense aquamarine eyes. "I'm trying to help you. It's not like you're going to help yourself."

I sneered at him, feeling like that stray dog that people simply saw as a cruel joke. "I sure as hell don't need your help."

Armin stopped, his smile faded as he looked at me sternly. "Who else do you have?"

I stopped as well, turning to him and staring for a moment.

"Accept it, commander." He sighed and looked behind me to a shop of some sorts. "You lost your confidants when you lost Zoë and Erwin. You can't go on keeping everything to yourself." He was right, of course. "While I don't expect you to give me nearly the same amount of trust, I'm asking you to try to give me a little."

We slowly made our way back to the mansion without a word, and I was grateful that we didn't run into Kelis and Eli. I told myself I would explain what had happened earlier once she returned, but until then I would spend my time in the piano room, perfecting my apology piece.

When the sun started to set, I stepped out onto the balcony for fresh air, pulling out the simple necklace I had bought on a whim. Letting it catch the rays of the fading sun, I held it in my hand and pictured how the silver and amethyst flower might look around Kelis's neck. To me, it seemed like something she might like…something that might bring a smile to her face.

I leaned my elbows on the balcony railing and looked to the end of the path to find Kelis and Eli approaching hand in hand, smiling like the giddy teenagers they were. Feeling that familiar knot of possessiveness, I put the necklace back in my pocket and watched from the balcony which just so happened to be within earshot of the front door.

I ignored most of the words and bumbling idiocy until Eli put a hand on her cheek, then my focus zeroed in on the two and their every word.

"I…" Eli bent closer to her and I wanted to shout when he pressed his lips to hers.

I waited for Kelis to push him away, tell him to stop.

But she didn't.

I could hear nothing other than the blood rushing in my ears. I could see them shyly talking. Happily talking.

Then he kissed her again and my blood cooled, my anger subsided.

I felt numb.

The worst part about feeling numb was that it left me unable to even contemplate whether or not I, the stray dog, was even worthy of her presence. Was I a nuisance?

Eli had turned away and Kelis had run inside.

"Enjoy the view, commander?" Eli looked up to where I was with a soft, almost apologetic smile. "She won't wait for you forever."

I straightened and blinked slowly, unable to even feel anger at his words. "Make her happy." I turned away and walked inside, slowly closing the balcony doors before sitting in front of the piano.

My fingers caressed the keys without pushing them down, an echo of the emotions I held inside: nothingness.

Then, all at once, I was overwhelmed with pain that radiated from the very depths of my soul.

My fingers slammed against the keys in an angry burst of noise, my lungs trying to take in air that seemed to quickly escape the room. "Damn it…" My voice was barely audible over the havoc of discordant noise. "DAMN IT!" I shouted, realizing I had just given my protector, my savior, to someone else.

I felt myself shuddering and looked to my hands to find them shaking before I brought them to my face, looking through my fingers with wild eyes at the ivory keys that had been stained red a lifetime ago. I slouched, tucking my chin, and closed my eyes, allowing my hands to move from my face to the sides of my head as I continued to curse myself for my own stupidity. The nasty pink scars on my wrists, just barely healed were a constant reminder, screamed at me indignantly.

Kelis had saved me.

Not only when I had so recklessly tried to find an escape, but also when I had nowhere else to turn. When I had thought I was alone in this world, she welcomed me with open arms and all I had done in return was throw her kindness in her face.

Eli was right. She wouldn't wait forever. That didn't mean I had to fucking give her away, though. But I had. It was done.

And I was alone again.

The new revelation—my need for her as my protector—came as quite a shock. I respected her, trusted her, and didn't deserve her. I was too broken to trust myself with her.

I stood, letting my trembling hands fall to my side as I walked to the door. Trying to still my trembling, I made my way down stairs in search of Armin in a foolish plea for reassurance.

He was in the kitchen, sitting with Jean, Mikasa, and Kelis as they chattered over dinner. Having yet to notice me, they continued on and I felt a slight twinge at the fact I hadn't been welcomed.

I clenched my fists to stop them from quivering and took a step into the room, their chattering slowly dying as they looked at what probably seemed like a ticking time bomb. My eyes fell on Armin and I refused to look at Kelis. "Arlert, there's urgent matter you and I need to discuss."

Armin's brows furrowed in confusion, waiting for me to give him some kind of hint.

I blinked slowly and licked my dry lips, trying to speak again through the knot in my throat. "Meet me in my study." I turned my head almost imperceptibly towards Kelis, hoping beyond hope that he could read me at least half as well as Zoë had been able to. "And bring tea."

His face relaxed and a ghost of a smile touched his lips before he nodded to me. "Yes, commander."

I turned and silently made my way out into the hall where I waited, unseen, for the group to return to their chatter.

"What the hell was that about?" I heard Jean break the silence.

I could hear the hidden smile in Armin's voice as he spoke. "Probably just a report." Well, he didn't lie, but it wasn't exactly the truth either.

I walked to my study and entered silently, feeling about as emotionally stable as wet noodle when I opened the door and stared in to the stale room. I walked behind the desk and sat stiffly, still not able to wash away the bloody memories that accompanied every aspect of the room.

My eyes fell on the damned letter and I was once again hit with just how alone I was. I didn't know how long it would be until I could actually open the letter, but I decided to push forward, picking it up and holding it in my hand. It's lightness in my hands deceived the heavy weight it placed in my heart, but before I had much time to dwell on it, my door slowly opened and Armin stepped in the a cup of steaming tea.

"I'm here for the 'urgent matter' you needed to discuss with me." A small smile played at his lips as he closed the door behind him and walked over to my desk. Setting the tea in front of me, his eyes glanced over the letter before they met mine. His smile had faded and he sighed, taking a seat in one of the chairs facing my desk. "You still haven't opened it?"

I scowled and put the letter back where it had been before, taking my tea and bringing it to my lips. I couldn't seem to hold the scowl, though. I was too hurt.

"I gave her away, Armin." I closed my eyes. "I gave her to that damned golden boy."

Armin was still, waiting for me to go on.

I met his understanding eyes before staring into my tea. My words silently fell into the cup and I couldn't fish them out before they were already too soggy for use, so I just continued to stare at the dark liquid that seemed to mirror my thoughts.

Armin leaned forward in his chair, placing his elbows on his knees and resting his chin on his hands. "You think she'll go to Eli." It wasn't a question, simply an echo of my thoughts coming from another person's lips.

"I have no reason to believe otherwise." I retorted flatly.

Armin heaved a sigh and shook his head with an amused smile. "You're something else, commander." He leaned back in his chair and placed his arms on the armrests, crossing his ankles as he looked at the ceiling. "You were as blind to Zoë as you are to Kelis."

I placed my cup on the polished wood of my desk, looking at him quizzically as I waited for him to continue.

"Explain to me your relation with Kelis."

His words took me aback, so I decided to reply with the obvious. "A subordinate and her commander."

I could swear Armin almost rolled his eyes before he looked at me. "Other than the obvious." There was an unspoken but lighthearted profanity tacked onto the end of the sentence that's brazenness almost made me smile.

My amusement faded as I considered his words. What was she to me? Before I could stop myself, my lips parted and spewed out the nonsense I had been thinking to myself for the large part of a long while. "I'm a stray dog and she's welcoming arms."

"Well," he chuckled. "What an interesting analogy." His amusement remained as he nodded and delved into the depths of my words. "In other words, she is your hope."

I could feel my eyes widen slightly. "Hope." The word tumbled over my lips, such a simple term that held worlds of meaning. But it was a word that hadn't belonged to me for a while.

Kelis was my hope.

Armin's eyes once again shifted to the letter and his amused smile turned somewhat sad. "You should open it soon."

There was a knock at the door, cutting me off from whatever I may have said. A façade of apathy washed over my face, complete with my usual scowl as I spoke. "Come in."

Kelis stepped in, worry written on her face along with about ten other emotions. "It's Mikasa." She breathed. "We really need to talk."


	22. Chapter Twenty-Two: Heart

Introducing, the WALRUSES!

* Kelis Nilifer *

"Kelis?" Mikasa shook my shoulders slightly, and I sat up.

"Sorry. For spoiling the ending, and for being all emotional. Sorry," I smiled wanly. When I was alone with Eli, I could allow myself to form a world that revolved only around the happiness I felt in those moments. Yet, when he was gone, the world crumbled against thoughts of someone that I was trying to convince myself to stop loving.

In short, I was confused and guilty about the moments when I didn't feel confused and guilty. Geez.

"It's fine," Mikasa sat up as well, and looked at me seriously. "But we need to talk,"

"Okay," I tried to steel myself for anything. "What is it?"

"The group I was working with to try and kill Historia," she spoke quietly, as if afraid someone besides me was listening. "They were Wallists,"

"Wallists?" I echoed. "As in the old sect that worshipped the walls as our saviors? Them, really?" I raised my eyebrows.

"Yes," Mikasa nodded firmly.

"But I thought they disbanded a while even before the titans were defeated,"

"They've reformed because rumor has it that the walls are going to be destroyed,"

"What? Why?"

"I was shocked at first too, but it's not as if there is a use for them anymore other than to divide the social classes,"

"So what are the Wallists against, the destruction of their deities or the blending of the classes?" I asked, half to myself.

"I don't know," Mikasa shook her head.

"And why only tell me now? Have you talked to the others?"

She looked down at her lap. "I can't,"

"What do you mean you can't? Those words have never left your mouth for as long as I've known you,"

"Levi and Jean like me about as much as I like them, and Armin... it's going to take a while for me to figure out how to earn his complete friendship back. I'm not asking you to talk to them for me, just... please, help me figure out how to,"

"Actually..." I felt shame churning around in my gut again. "I think that this might be a good opportunity for me to use this as an excuse to talk to Levi," I was being selfish again. "I need to talk to him," I asserted firmly. If I didn't lay absolutely everything on the table, I wouldn't be able to move forward properly. One way or another...

"Hey," there was a sharp rap on the door. "Dinner's ready,"

"Thanks, Jean," I said as I slid out of bed and swung the door open.

"Oh, Kelis. I didn't know you were back. Are you still going to eat with us?"

"I'm not hungry, but I can still hang around, yes," I looked around, finding four of five people in the kitchen. "Is Levi not coming down?"

"I decided to just leave the asshole alone until he calms down," Jean muttered angrily.

"You mean until he apologizes," Armin interjected. "He has calmed down, at least,"

"Yeah, but he went way too far this time!" Jean snapped.

"Woah, woah," I held my hands up. "Let's not talk about this right now. Besides, it's more of my personal business," I kept my tone gentle but firm. They had all witnessed the pain and strain my relationship with Levi had caused. I was ashamed to have them so much a part of it. That meant that I needed to deal with things on my own, stick up for myself.

"How about the other guy? Eli. Is that too personal to talk about?" Jean teased, touching on another point that I wanted to deal with alone. I didn't want to talk about Eli while I was still so confused...

"No... Yes! No. No, I don't want to talk about that either," I blushed furiously as they all laughed at me. Despite the embarrassment, I was happy. When people were laughing, that was a moment when hatred and differences were forgotten. That was a moment worth keeping.

The atmosphere shifted when Levi walked in. His dark gaze fixed on Armin. "Arlert, there's an urgent matter you and I need to discuss," When Armin showed no sign of recognition Levi blinked slowly at him and licked his lips, and I looked away. That was distracting. "Meet me in my study. And bring tea," Levi spun on his heel.

"What the hell was that about?" Jean said, still sounding irritable.

Armin shrugged. "Probably just a report," he left after making a quick pot of tea.

"Seriously, what the hell?" Jean repeated to no one in particular.

"Who knows..." I murmured, glancing at the clock. Five minutes, I decided impulsively. I would give them five minutes and then I would go and talk to Levi about the Wallists before I lost my nerve. After three and a half minutes I jumped out of my chair and headed to the office that held painful memories for both Levi and myself. I wouldn't pretend I was doing this for Mikasa's sake or anyone else's except for my own.

I found it hard to breathe as I knocked on the door. I was all in knots at the prospect of facing him, even with Armin also being in the room. "Come in," Levi's voice gave me cold chills.

"It's Mikasa," I forced out. "We need to talk,"

"Mikasa?" Armin echoed as I came to stand beside the chair he was sitting in.

"She says that she was working for the Wallists, the sect that worships the walls. They were trying to kill Historia because apparently the walls are going to be destroyed. It's either the fact that the walls are their deities or the fact that class barriers will be eliminated that drives their current actions, is what I'm thinking," I explained, barely pausing for breath until I was done.

"When did she tell you this?" Levi narrowed his eyes.

"Before dinner," I said flatly, cutting him a sharp glance. "We still need to talk to her more, I think, but now you know what I know. Armin," I turned to him. "She's not confident enough in your forgiveness to turn to you. I don't know your opinion on this, but there it is. Think about it,"

"I'm going to go talk to her," he murmured, then glanced back at Levi with a meaningful look before leaving.

I straightened my shoulders and remained standing as the door closed softly. "Levi,"

"Kelis, I just..." he shook his head and looked at me, waiting for me to continue.

"You... you make me so angry sometimes," I laughed helplessly, then allowed silence to stretch as I tried to get my thoughts together but ended up letting my words flow from my emotions, my heart, instead. "Do you think that you can do and say whatever the hell you want without any negative consequences? I'm not some bitch you can just keep beating down, and I'm not going to let you fucking toy with me anymore!" I snapped. "But, I," I looked into his eyes, his stricken expression. "I can't think of a life without you. I used to... I mean, I do... I don't know. I love you, I think I do, but I don't know what love is. I only know what happiness is, and you only make me feel it half of the time," he was silent for the longest time, and I almost left before his voice came out in a forced hush.

"Kelis, please," the words jarred me to the core, they were so uncharacteristic. "Tell me what happiness is. Tell me how to earn having you by my side,"

I gritted my teeth, because I was screaming inside. Don't do this to me. Don't make me need to forgive you instantly again, cling desperately to what's left of your heart. "For starters, open that letter. After all, I was able to open mine,"

"You... a letter?" His eyes were wide with shock and confusion.

"My letter from Erwin." My own heart tore at the mention of him. This must be how Levi felt whenever he spoke of Zoë... "I've said it before," I looked into his eyes evenly, daring, pleading for him to accept my challenge for saving himself, redemption. "You're not the only one who lost them. You're never going to be the only one with an incomplete heart."


	23. Chapter Twenty-Three: Alone

So! I've been pretty bad...usually we're about five or six chapters ahead, but I kinda got stuck, then got sick, so now we're only a little ahead. And! I found out I'll be going to college this fall! Whoop! So, because I'm awful with time management and I'm a really bad procrastinator with certain things, we might actually have to cut down to only releasing one chapter a week by September. Maybe Scare can be a big motivator :P but we'll both be busy bees. We will, for sure, continue to upload, though! Hope you all enjoy! Leave reviews and whatnot (we love it). Until next time! -Saerenae

*Levi*

Her words floated through the stale air, each syllable a tuft of dandelion fluff caught on the nonexistent wind to make its way to me and seed itself right into my heart where it would burrow, grow, and blossom into the realization that I really had been painfully blind. It was as though the words that had no doubt touched my ears before were finally digging past the surface and into understanding.

The silence stretched between us, long, drawn out, and almost unbearably uncomfortable.

I might have shifted in my seat had I been strong enough to break my gaze from Kelis's unrelenting intensity, but I remained stock still, levelly holding her gaze as the seconds seemed to drag on. There was a palpable tension in the air when I finally broke her gaze to shift my line of sight to the letter which had been addressed to none other than "Captain Levi."

That captain, however, was gone. In his stead was the shell of a man.

I opened my mouth to speak, but promptly sealed my lips back together in a harsh flat line, not wanting the pain in my chest to ooze up my throat and off my tongue in a bitter medley of insults, denial, and cruelty. I couldn't deny the truth of her words, but I didn't want to agree to them either. Opening Zoë's last goodbye was much easier said than done.

Kelis sighed and shook her head. Her features relaxed into defeat as though she believed her words wouldn't truly reach their intended target. Unbeknownst to her, the words she had spoken had indeed hit truer than any physical blow I had ever sustained. She began to turn away, the slump of her shoulders and weariness in her eyes telling tales much greater than her obvious frustration at my apparent refusal to accept the truth.

I closed my eyes and allowed my pain wash over my usual mask of apathy for a moment before I resolutely lifted my gaze to Kelis as she moved towards the door. "Wait, Kelis."

She stopped, looking back over her shoulder with tired discontent, as if she believed there would be no progress made in the coming moments. "What is it?" Her voice, which she obviously tried to keep void of emotion, cracked with the slightest hint of hope.

I tentatively reached for the letter, holding it in my hand and staring at it for one painfully long moment before looking back to her. "Stay." I hoped beyond hope she understood I was only able to take the step forward because she was there. Her presence did something inexplicable to me, making it possible for me to believe that perhaps I could finally let the memory of my fallen comrades rest in peace.

Her eyes widened and for the longest ten seconds, she didn't move. "Are you sure?"

I huffed a nervous attempt of a laugh at her question, realizing the huff sounded more like a discontented grunt when she furrowed her brow. I lowered my eyes. "Please, Kelis." I tried to keep a firm grasp on what was left of my pride and dignity as I awaited her answer, but both seemed to drip through my fingers and puddle at my feet, letting me know that, if I tried to stand, I'd fall flat on my ass.

She nodded once and made her way back over to my desk before sitting stiffly in the chair Armin had so leisurely lounged in what already seemed like a lifetime ago. She didn't have to say a word, her very thoughts leaking through her eyes and saying 'I'm here' in silent reassurance.

I tore my eyes from her and let them float to the beautiful black script that Zoë had used to write my name. Turning the envelope over, I began to peel at the seam before deciding better and just slipping the knife from my boot to open it cleanly. It felt like a small eternity before I was able to force myself to reach into the thin envelope.

Before I could pull the letter from its sheath, Kelis spoke again. "Who did you write yours to?"

I paused, realizing she was referring to the letter every military member had been told to write before the final battle. Everyone was given the chance to write a letter to send to one person in the event that they didn't survive the final battle. Thinking about it now, it didn't quite make sense that Kelis received one from Erwin since he died after the battle. I shook the thought from my head, returning to her original question. "Mine was addressed to Zoë."

Kelis nodded slowly.

I almost smiled at the distant thought. I had been against writing what was essentially a final farewell before a battle, but I had done so anyways. "I simply told her I had made a choice with no regrets." I caught the odd glimmer that touched Kelis's eyes, but couldn't discern exactly what it meant before the glimmer had vanished. "And I truly wouldn't have regretted dying if it meant sparing them."

She nodded again, waiting for me to continue.

I took a deep breath and unsheathed the dagger of a letter that was sure to penetrate my heart in cold blooded assassination. The parchment was light in my hands, almost grainy as I set the envelope down and began to methodically open the tri-folded letter. " _Levi_." I read aloud, Zoë's voice echoing in my ears and threatening to form a lump in my throat. I decided it best not to read aloud, fear that my dignity would be shattered by my breaking voice taking precedence over my willingness to share the moment with Kelis.

 _Levi,_

 _First and foremost, I'm sorry that I'm not sorry. I know you probably feel as thought you've been cheated if you're reading this. "Why am I here when they're not," right? While it pains me to leave you and whoever else has made it through this final battle, I will not apologize for fighting for the freedom we all seek. I'm sure someone will remain by your side, so don't you dare think you're alone._

 _Second, keep living. I've told you before, though I doubt you remember the exact moment: live. Don't just breathe. Don't just go through the motions. Don't you dare even consider accepting or welcoming death. Fight death to the very end. Find a reason, no matter what. I wish I could be the reason you keep fighting, but I know, if you're reading this, you can only fight for the memory of me. So, Levi, find a new reason. Find someone or something that inspires you to be the grumpy teddy bear you were with me._

I closed my eyes for a moment, fighting the sting of salt settling into the back of my nose. I took a deep, wavering breath, an almost smile touching my lips at the imagining of Zoë playfully punching my shoulder as she spoke the last sentence. Pressing forward, I opened my eyes and dropped them to the letter again.

 _Last, but certainly not least, don't be afraid to move on._

I couldn't help but pause again, noting that the paper was slightly wilted in blotches, as though little raindrops had fallen and dried, leaving a permanent mark in their wake. Realization that Zoë had been crying struck my heart, leaving me breathless. I swallowed the lump in my throat and ran a hand over the bottom half of my face before biting my lip to keep the dams of emotion locked inside.

 _I know it won't be easy. I hope with all there is to hope that, since I'm so obviously not physically with you any more, a certain young woman has made it through. She will follow you to the ends of the world, Levi, so don't just overlook her. You'll know by time you read this exactly who this certain someone is. I just can't bring myself to say her name. I know that, given the chance, you could love her the way I love you. Big kicker, right? And what a way to tell you. I know you don't feel the same, but it was an honor to be yours while it lasted. Remember, my captain - my friend - no matter how far I am from you, even in death, I will remain by your side - if only in your memory. So don't be afraid to take a step forward and open your heart to another._

 _I suppose I should add one last thought: I made a choice and I'll never regret it, so don't you dare try regretting it for me._

 _Farewell,_

 _Zoë Hanji_

I set the letter down, staring at it for a full minute before lifting my eyes to Kelis. I felt my shoulders slump and I leaned forward on my desk for support, resting my forehead in my palms as I watched the pieces of my heart drip onto the polished wood of my desk.

Clenching fistfuls of hair between my fingers, I felt my face finally contort into the pain I was feeling. A quiet keening had started in the back of my throat and my first instinct was to shoo Kelis away. But how could I do that when Zoë's final request had been for me to open my heart to the child in front of me?

I heard Kelis stand, obviously wanting to comfort me, but unsure of whether or not I would accept her condolences.

Trembling as I took in lungful after lungful of air to no avail, I finally curled in on myself, placing my head between my arms and locking my fingers together behind my neck in a vague sense of a fetal position.

Kelis quickly made her way around my desk and knelt beside me, putting a hand on my back and a hand on my knee. She gently rubbed circles on my back, not saying a word. Simply being there was enough support. No words could ever fill the gap, so she didn't try.

"Kelis…" I managed to choke out between gut wrenching, but quiet cries.

She squeezed my knee ever so slightly. "I'm here, Levi."

I held my breath, trying to compose myself and speak the words I knew she needed to hear. "I…" I exhaled very slowly before turning my head to look at her through the tangle of my limbs, hair, and tears. "I don't hate you." I watched as her eyes widened and the hand on my back stopped moving.

Her mouth opened ever so slightly, as if words were trying to escape to no avail. She blinked before swallowing her unspoken words and standing. She quickly turned away and made for the door.

For some reason, I was comforted by the closing and opening of the door. I knew she hadn't abandoned me.

My eyes shifted once again to the letter and another rush of emotion swelled deep in my soul, but I forced the emotion back into its shell before it could burst into another million pieces. "I'm not a fucking grumpy teddy bear." I mumbled to the memory of Zoë. "I'm manly as fucking hell."

Resting my head on my arms, I let myself slip into the abyss somewhere between dream, memory, and reality, soothed in places I didn't know I had been wounded. "I'm not alone." I couldn't tell if I had spoken, or if it was just an echo of Zoë's words, but I grasped it in my hands and desperately held on to it with everything I had. _I'm not alone._


	24. Chapter Twenty-Four: Answer

Let's all be pen pals! Good times. -Scare

* Kelis Nilifer *

I shut the door behind me and then leaned back against it, feeling floored by four simple words.

I don't hate you.

It made my heart whole and made it ache at the same time. Lack of hatred didn't equal love. But helping him was enough of an expression of love for me. My depth of my feeling was transferred to him in the fact that I was by his side. That was all I could hope for, and I was content with that. I would make myself be content with that much.

I took in a somewhat shaking breath and trundled downstairs and back into the kitchen, where I found Jean sitting alone. "Hey," I sat next to him.

"I still don't know what the hell is going on," he still sounded quite irritable. "Captain Shithead and Armin run off, you run off, then Armin comes back and runs off with Mikasa and-" he broke off with a sigh. "Geez,"

"Jean? I have a serious question for you,"

"Okay?" He sounded a bit nervous.

"When did you know you were in love?" I asked quietly, looking down at my clasped hands.

"Oh... Well, I guess it was when I thought about leaving Armin's side and that was the worst prospect in the world. So I stayed," he shrugged, then looked at me in the intensely perceptive way that Armin always did with everyone. They were rubbing off on each other... "Who are you asking in regards to?"

"I don't know," I shrugged, then froze when I heard footsteps on the stairs.

"There's that question answered," Jean commented.

"We're about to have some company," Levi was rubbing at his slightly reddened eyes when he strode past us, sounding none too happy about it.

"How do you know?" I called after him. Well, there were a ton of balconies on the upper floors... Levi could probably catch a lot of things while just hanging out. "Never mind,"

"I'm going out really quick, I'll see you later," Jean whispered. "Update me on that when I get back," he gestured towards the front where Levi had stormed off to.

"Oh, okay..."

"What? It's fuckin' late," I heard Levi bark as he swung the door open. Why was he so grumpy?

"Um. Hello," Eli's voice floated in. And there was Levi's mood explained. "Is Kelis available? I need to speak with the both of you," the unfamiliar note of anxiety and pressed urgency in his voice made me go to the door.

"Eli? What is it?" I asked, concerned.

"It's about the man who killed Commander Erwin Smith," Eli looked into my eyes as he spoke in a heavy voice. "We questioned him today since Queen Historia intends to place him on death row, and he confessed that the killing wasn't random. Commander Erwin is the one who suggested that the walls be torn down, and so the currently operating Wallist sect targeted and... and eliminated him," Only shocked silence followed his revelation for a while.

"What the fuck..." Levi pressed his hands into his eyes.

I took another moment to force my voice to be steady, strong. "Thank you for informing us," the moment I had heard of of Erwin's death, I had wanted to scream, curse this unjust world. Now that process was being repeated while I was already in an emotional state.

Eli's torn expression showed that he knew that the hurt was present and that he deeply regretted having to cause it. "I was wondering, well, Historia, Grandfather and I were wondering, if the two of you would want to speak with the man at some point, tomorrow even if you wanted." He put air quotes around the world speak, opening up to the violent possibilities of placing Levi and I in the same room as the man who had killed our comrade and friend.

"Hell yes. Tomorrow, let's do it," Levi affirmed, eyes cold and hard.

"Right," I nodded, voice barely there. Levi glanced at me, expression betraying vague concern.

"Okay. Can you come around noon? We can prepare a room for you,"

"Yeah," Levi said, not taking his eyes off me as I just nodded again.

"Alright..." Eli glanced between us. "We'll be seeing the both of you tomorrow then." He saluted us before turning to leave.

"Eli," I went forward and took his sleeve. "Can I see you tomorrow? After?" The shattering in my heart told me to cling to the happiness his company would offer, the ease the clarity of his intentions provided.

"Of course," he put a hand on the back of my head and pressed a kiss to my temple. "That would be great,"

"Okay," I nodded, and he left. Once the door closed I dropped my face into my hands. Erwin... Thinking of him, I knew I needed to go and be alone before I broke down.

"Kelis," Levi took my wrists and moved my arms to my sides. "Are you alright?" Many different emotions clouded his expression, sadness, anger, other things I couldn't read.

"Are you?" I asked. "You were closer to Da - Erwin, than I was,"

"... Did you just almost call him Dad?" Levi asked quietly.

I shook my head and bit down on my lip to stop it from wobbling. "After he died, they gave me the letter he had written just in case he didn't survive the final battle. I read it over and over that night..." I took in a deep breath, forcing air through my tight chest. "Want to read it with me?" I offered in a small voice. Levi deserved some semblance of closure in regards to Erwin as well, I figured…

"... Okay." He followed me into my room, where we sat on the edge of the bed after I grabbed the letter. I unfolded it reverently, noting that it was starting to wear at the creases from being read so many times. I had almost memorized it...

"Dearest Kelis..." I began, trailing off both as memories surfaced in my mind and Levi scooted closer to me to peer down at the paper.

"His handwriting was always shitty..." he murmured, fondness coloring his voice.

I nodded, then continued. "It feels strange, writing a letter for the occasion of my death while I am still alive. But it is also quite liberating in the sense that I can write things I could never say, things that need to be said. First of all, know that a void in my heart was filled by your presence that could have been filled by no other." My voice broke on the last word, and I wiped at the corners of my eyes with the sides of my hands.

"You know," Levi sighed as he pulled me into his lap. "You don't have to read it out loud if it hurts that bad," his breath was warm on my cheek as he spoke, his hands coming up to cup mine, stopping the shaking of the paper in my trembling grasp.

"Yes I do," I contradicted.

"Why?"

"The fact that it hurts so bad reminds me of the good times that made me able to hurt this way in the first place," I reasoned softly. A tremor ran through Levi's body and his hands tightened around mine, as if what I had said struck a chord with him in some way.

"Go on then," he said quietly.

"I had always resolved myself to being alone, but an instinct was awakened in me when I met you that I had never thought I would be privileged enough to experience. I was able to imagine what it was like to be a father. For the first time I put someone's life above my own not only because they were a friend or comrade but because there was a deeper, even more treasured bond present. My greatest wish is that you never receive this letter, because there are things I want to do . I have greater aspirations for my life, achievements beyond victory within my sights."

At this point there were many spaces where words had been crossed out beyond recognition. But finally it seemed as if Erwin had decided to put in some other words that he had been reluctant to say.

"But just in case, I want to thank you for inspiring others by being strong and resilient. I want you to know that I love you as if you were my own daughter. I want you to know what joy you have brought me, and how I wish nothing less than that happiness for you in the future. Best Wishes... Erwin Smith." I finished, then stared at the letter for a while.

"Kelis?" Levi nudged me, taking the letter out of my hands and folding it back up.

"What did he mean? What were the things he wanted to do?" I murmured.

After a long silence Levi spoke. "Adoption," he let the word hang in the air.

"What?" I whispered.

"He wanted to ask you to be his family for real. It was all he would talk about with me. He talked about you a lot, the annoying bastard. I felt like I got to know you by extension." Levi explained.

"Adoption. That would've been nice," I closed my eyes, letting imaginings of a life with a father who had been taken from me flood my mind as silent tears trickled down my cheeks.

"It would've been," Levi echoed, wrapping his arms around my waist as I leaned on him. I twisted around to get more comfortable and he just ended up laying down with a sigh. "I don't do this cuddly shit, so just until you stop crying," he petted my hair, running it through his fingers.

A soft chuckle left my lips. "Fine, Levi,"

"And what do you want for the future now?" He asked quietly after a while.

I took my time in considering it. "I just want to be happy," I offered. No matter who I ended up with, no matter where ended up going, that happiness we had fought for was all I wanted.

"And what is happiness?" Levi echoed his question from earlier that day.

"Happiness," I closed my eyes. "Is not being alone."


	25. Chapter Twenty-Five: Chocolate

Hello there! So, life is doing its thing and voila! I'm (miraculously) another year older! Happy 19th to moi! I had a TON of fun writing this chapter, so I really hope you all enjoy it at least half as much as I enjoyed writing it. A lot of inspiration for little tidbits in our chapters come from pictures of (less often) writing prompts I stumble across on Pinterest. It's a magical place to visit, really! Another thing: Scare thought it might be an interesting idea to kind of have a Q/A. Ask a question in the reviews and we'll answer as best we can in the next A/N (: Anyways, enough rambling! Enjoy! -Saerenae

*Levi*

 _Happiness is not being alone._

Like so many times before, Kelis's words managed to shoot right through the air and directly hit the target that was my soul before ricocheting around in my mind. Long after she had fallen into sleep, I continued to study her, running my hands through her hair as I contemplated the events of the day.

There was still the gaping wound I had been dealt by reading Zoë's letter, but it had been at least slightly lessened by the revelation that I was, in fact, not alone. However, insult was added to injury with the news that Erwin's death was by no means an accident. And then there was Kelis.

The woman confused the hell out of me. She made every sense of rationality fly out the window before anchoring me on the solidity of the truth. She had stated that happiness was not being alone.

I wasn't alone, but I wasn't exactly happy either.

I watched as her eyes flitted back and forth behind her eyelids, my fingers falling from her hair to her scarred cheek. Very gently, I ran my thumb over the lashes of her dreaming eye, wondering if maybe that was what it felt like to touch an angel. I couldn't stop myself there, though. I was a greedy man. I let my fingers trace over the scars on her eye, listening to her sigh in what I assumed was contentment.

Zoë wanted me to love this girl.

I pushed her hair behind her ear, revealing the wounded but lovely portrait I had been privileged to set my eyes upon. Looking at her, I knew it wouldn't be difficult to be happy with her. But love? I didn't know what love was. If happiness was simply not being alone, what was love? It obviously wasn't the same thing as happiness, but rather something accompanied by happiness.

I had been happy with Zoë, and, in some way, might have loved her. But I didn't love her the way she loved me. That made matters even more complicated: different kinds of love. Was love just emotional attachment? If so, I had loved every member of my former squads, no matter how much it may have seemed otherwise. If so, I had loved Erwin and Zoë both. If so, I loved Kelis.

Simply put, it couldn't be just emotional attachment. There had to be something more.

"Love." I whispered the word aloud, rolling it around on my tongue, feeling it out, and tasting it. Without meaning behind the word, it tasted like a piece of bitter candy in my mouth that I just wanted to spit out. It didn't fit in my mouth, so I tossed the word aside. "Kelis…" I watched as her eyelids fluttered ever so slightly as I tested the experience of her name. It tasted of sugar and felt like honey tumbling over my lips.

"Kelis." I whispered again, simply enjoying her name.

She startled me with a sleepy moan and heavily lidded but open eyes. "Yes, Levi?"

I smiled my unseen smile at her slurred words, amused and somewhat ashamed that I had awoken the sleepy beauty. "What is love?" I quietly posed the question, watching as her too-heavy eyelids fell shut again with that angelic smile on her just as graceful face.

She didn't answer for the longest time, making me assume she had fallen asleep. Just as I had given up on getting any type of answer, she inhaled deeply, leisurely, and sighed her words. "You."

I furrowed my brows, utterly confused by her answer. It was apparent I would get no explanation, though.

Her breathing was even again, and that delicate smile still curved her lips.

I stared at her lips as I ran a featherlight caress over them with my thumb, realizing I had only stolen a single kiss from her. It had been a kiss she didn't return, and a kiss that hadn't brought a smile to her lips. It was a kiss unlike the ones she had received from the golden boy. Perhaps I was too tainted to earn the right to kiss those lips without it being considered "stolen."

I rolled over on my back and stared at the ceiling of Kelis's room, wondering what dreams flitted across the backs of her eyelids. My curious pondering was rudely interrupted by memories of a past not too far gone, causing my ghost smile to fade into a soft frown.

 _I kissed her collarbone, making my way up her neck to plant a kiss just below her ear with a smile. "Zoë?" My shoulder was beginning to cramp from propping myself on my side to gaze at her, but it was worth the view of the sleeping woman beside me._

 _Zoë moaned sleepily before rubbing her eyes with a lazy smile and pulling the sheet a bit higher over her chest. "What is it?" She lifted a hand to my cheek, running her fingers over the slightest bit of stubble I had acquired throughout the day and into the night._

 _"Are you happy?"_

 _She furrowed her brow, obviously confused by my uncharacteristic question. Her confusion faded to a soft smile before she looked into my eyes with a sense of knowing I would never understand. "Are you?"_

 _I looked away, thinking of all the things I wasn't content with, things I needed to straighten out before I could be at peace. And what was happiness other than peace? "I don't believe I am."_

 _"Then neither am I."_

 _My eyes found hers again with curiosity, my turn to be confused plainly displayed. "Why is that?"_

 _She closed her eyes and sighed, that smile gracing her lips like sunshine on a rainy day. "Because…" She paused for the longest time, gathering her thoughts into words she could easily speak. "Your happiness is essential to mine."_

 _As if that answered any questions. "And why is that?"_

 _She looked a bit downtrodden at the question, but shook her head. "I'm sure you'll understand some day." She sat up and pulled her legs over the side of the bed, her back facing me as she looked at her feet. "And you'll understand…"_

 _I ran my hand down her spine, letting it rest in the small of her back. "I'll understand…?"_

 _She once again shook her head before looking over her shoulder with abnormally shiny eyes and a forced smile. "You'll understand, Levi."_

I squinted through my lashes at Kelis's ceiling as if it had the answers to all my questions engraved into its wood. Was that love? The happiness of another being essential to oneself? Glancing at Kelis's sleeping face, I sat up and gently pushed myself off the bed before making my way out of her room and down the hall to Jean and Armin's room where I knocked on the door.

I heard footsteps quickly approaching before the door opened to reveal Armin, with Mikasa and Jean farther into the room looking anything but happy that I was calling on them so late into the night. "What is it? Everything alright?"

I wasn't quite sure how to answer, leading me to scowl.

Armin huffed a small laugh of understanding before turning back to Mikasa and Jean. "I'll be back in a moment." He then proceeded to step out of the room and close the door to the room. "Tea?"

I nodded and followed him to the kitchen where he quietly bustled around to make tea while I sat at the table in wait.

"So," he started, sitting in front of me with his own tea after having given me one of my own. "What troubles you?" Taking a sip of tea, his eyes didn't leave mine.

"What is love, Armin?"

His eyes widened ever so slightly and he set his tea on the table, his equivalent of sputtering. "Well."

I blinked slowly, my equivalent of rolling my eyes.

A smile curved his lips. "The dictionary defines it as a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person." He tapped his finger on the table once before averting his eyes to his tea. "That only scratches the surface of the definition, though."

I nodded, waiting for him to go on, but another question swelled in my mind. "And the different types of love?"

His smile remained ever strong. "I suppose it can be split into two relative categories: familial and romantic." He paused to gauge my reaction, but found me waiting for a better explanation. "Familial love isn't just between actual family members, it can be between friends as well. An example of this could be your love for Erwin. His absence wounds you. You had seen what an imperfect man he was, but decided to stay by his side anyways."

I nodded, vague understanding starting to light in my mind. "And romantic love?"

Armin laughed. "Now that," he ran a hand through his hair. "That is different in many ways." His eyes brightened, as though his own experience of the word was enough to bring happiness at just the thought of it. "Romantic love, or being in love, has a different definition from every person you ask. Everyone has their own idea of what love is."

That vague understanding I was starting to gain was quickly slipping away.

"It could be that the happiness of another is essential for the happiness of yourself." He nodded as if it were true for himself before continuing. "Or that there is incompleteness in the absence of the other."

I held a hand up to stop him before closing my eyes and pinching the bridge of my nose with the other. "This is not helping." I vaguely understood that what Zoë had wanted me to know in that memory was that she loved me, and I understood that my feelings for her were…familial in a sense. However, whatever nonsense Armin was spewing from his mouth was making no sense.

I stood. "Just…just forget I asked."

Armin spoke as I was walking away from the table, making me pause. "My definition of love is Jean. Your definition of love will be the person you decide to entrust your heart, body, soul, and mind to. Everything that person is and does, no matter how imperfect or frustrating, will make you fall in love with them even more. You will want to experience everything with them: the joy and the pain, the ups and the downs. They will be your everything and you wouldn't know life without them." He smiled softly, melancholically. "Their absence will be a physical pain inside your chest that keeps you unfocused." A pause left his words hanging in the air, leaving another statement not quite spoken.

I felt my heart squeezing inside my chest, wondering exactly what it was he was leaving unspoken.

"You will do anything to make them happy." His words sounded bittersweet. "Even if it means letting them go."

And just like that, understanding seemed to leak through the dams of confusion, slowly gaining more and more power until I had to turn away. "It sounds painful."

"It's beautiful."

The words pushed me out of the room and I slowly walked up the stairs and to my room where I collapsed onto the bed after stripping out of my clothes.

"It's beautiful." I echoed.

"It's painful." I felt the squeeze in my chest and tried not to assign it a word.

"It's messy." I buried my head under the pillow.

"It's worth it." I felt my body relax, closing my eyes and letting myself be torn from the reality of wakefulness and shoved into the abyss of sleep. "Kelis…"

Then the darkness swallowed me whole and I slept without dreams - without nightmares - for the first time in my entire existence.

—

I opened my eyes to find the pale blue light of almost-dawn seeping in through my window. Rolling out of bed with a sigh, I ran my hand through my hair and pulled my sheets and blanket into place before pulling on pants and walking down to the kitchen. A yawn escaped my lips as I filled a pot with water and set it on the stove to bring it to a boil, shuffling around to find something to eat that wouldn't take much effort.

My brain was still caught in the haze of not-quite-awake, leaving me uncharacteristically groggy and ,thus, irritable at my own lack of awareness. I couldn't for the life of me think of anything other than the fact I was forgetting something incredibly important, wondering with distant curiosity what exactly it was that I couldn't remember.

I took the boiling water off of the stove and poured it into a cup, steeping my tea for a moment before turning to take a seat at the table. I blinked when I found that I wasn't exactly alone, freezing in my tracks when my brain started incessantly screaming _Mayday! Mayday!_ I stared into an amused green eye, wondering exactly why the eye was filled with amusement.

I sluggishly made my way to a chair, not taking my eyes from the ever amused green one that followed my every move. Furrowing my brow in irritation, I brought the tea to my lips and closed my eyes for a moment, trying to ignore the persistent ramblings of my half conscious brain.

The hot tea rolled over my tongue and down my throat, sending a shock through my system that catapulted me into the land of the fully conscious. The feeling had my muscles relaxing, allowing me to sink back into my chair with a sigh.

A quiet giggle popped my bubble of peace, making me practically jump out of my skin and spill hot tea on my bare chest. "FUCK!" I was out of my chair in the blink of an eye, trying to escape the scalding liquid that was dripping down to the waistline of my white pants. I could feel my heart ramming against my ribcage as I took a rag and run it under cold water to place on my skin. I shot a glare over my shoulder as I continued pressing the cool rag to my burnt skin. "What the fuck is your problem?" My eyes met Kelis's and I tensed, feeling even my heart skip a beat as awareness washed through my every cell.

Kelis looked mildly worried, but more than a little amused as she placed a hand over her mouth in a fruitless attempt to hide her smile. She shook her head, avoiding opening her mouth so she might keep in the laugh that was obviously filling her eyes.

I turned to her and leaned against the counter, feeling my face relax into my version of a smile, unable to be angry at the young woman. Crossing my arms over my chest, I held her eyes, realizing that maybe that was what Armin and Zoë had meant when they had said the happiness of the person I fell in love with would be essential to my own. I couldn't bring myself to be angry when she looked so happy, even if it was at my expense.

Sure, it hurt my pride, but it was worth seeing the brilliant light in her eyes.

She dropped her hand and her amusement slowly turned to curiosity. "What's with the look?" She tilted her head ever so slightly. "Are you smiling?"

I tensed again and averted my eyes, trying to find something to busy myself with as I tried to come up with a pliable response. A quiet gurgle in my stomach reminded me I hadn't eaten yet, so I set about getting random ingredients to fix breakfast. "Are the others awake?" I questioned, wondering just how much I should make.

"Not yet." There was still a hint of amusement in her voice, but more than a little curiosity.

I refused to answer her question, filling the moments she could sneak in another question with questions of my own. "Did you sleep well?" I mixed batter as I waited for the pan to get hot enough to make pancakes, every now and then stealing glances at Kelis.

"Well enough, I suppose. You?" Her eyes were slightly narrowed, a smile curling her lips. The mischievous look let me know she hadn't given up on her original question.

I shrugged, honestly not sure. It had been ages since I had woken up so out of order. "Do you like pancakes?" I realized it was a bit late to ask, but it was something to keep her from firing another question.

She nodded, resting her chin on her hand as she stared at me in my discomfort.

There was an awkward silence, leading me to shift uncomfortably as I began pouring batter into the pan. I looked around trying to find something that might inspire conversation, my eyes landing on a cabinet that held a few sweets. "There's some chocolate in that cabinet. Will you get it out for me?"

Kelis jumped out of her chair, a little too enthusiastically, leading me to another hidden smile. She reached above her to the cabinet, shuffling around for the chocolate before huffing and going to the table to drag a chair over so she could better reach.

I turned my head away, pressing my lips together, covering my mouth, and feeling my stomach muscles tighten with my silent laugh. After regaining my composure, I glanced at her to find her holding the chocolate in one hand with a triumphant smile as she stepped down from the chair and pushed it back to the table.

She walked over to me, opening the chocolate and popping a piece into her mouth before handing me the rest. Her eyes closed in ecstasy as she let it melt in her mouth, leaving a smudge on her lower lip.

"Damn, Kelis." I raised my hand to her face, running my thumb over her bottom lip to rid it of chocolate. "You're such a mess." I sucked the chocolate from the pad of my thumb, distantly aware that she was staring at me with wide eyes as I flipped the pancake and pulled out another pot so I could melt the chocolate.

"Uhm…I…you…uhm…" She stumbled over her words, trying to string syllables together in some semblance of a comprehensive sentence.

I shook my head, amused. "Sit down, you little shit. They'll be done in a moment."

She nodded once then took her place at the table.

I finished the pancakes and put them on plates before drizzling the melted chocolate over them and taking the two plates to the table. Handing Kelis a fork, I took a seat across from her and popped a piece of fluffy goodness into my mouth, staring off into nowhere in particular as I rolled recent events over in my mind. My eyes once again found Kelis, noting that she hadn't been able to resist the temptation of chocolate even in her confusion.

Leaning my cheek on my hand, I continued eating as I watched her, realizing that everything would be okay so long as she was near.

She licked chocolate off of her lips.

I lowered my eyes to my own food with a whisper of a smile. I was beginning to appreciate chocolate.


	26. Chapter Twenty-Six: Complex

* Kelis Nilifer *

"Um," I caught Levi's attention as we washed dishes. "Thank you for breakfast. It was very good," I spoke with my eyes on the sponge, forcing myself to focus on anything except for his bare torso.

"Mmhm," he made a vague sound of acknowledgment.

I couldn't take it anymore. "Please go put some clothes on!" It came out louder than I had intended.

"It's not like you haven't seen it before," Levi countered dryly.

"But... but..." I shook my head, flustered. "We have to go soon anyways... to meet... that man,"

"... Right." And with that the good mood was shattered.

"I'm nervous. Kind of scared," I admitted. "Of what I want to do. I've never inflicted violence upon a human... but I still feel capable of violence right now, towards someone I've never even met. It's... wrong?"

"Humans and titans aren't so different to kill," Levi shrugged. "Anyways," he dried his hands off before handing the towel to me. "It's not wrong to be angry. You can be angry at the world for your suffering if you want to. That's your decision. But in there, I'll be with you. So calm down,"

I turned away from him to hide the fact that I was blushing, listening as his footsteps headed upstairs before relaxing. Geez... I really did need to calm down.

"Out of context, that conversation had some very interesting points," Armin poked his head around the corner to peer into the kitchen.

"Wha... You were listening?"

"I didn't want to interrupt," he said innocently, seeming to suppress a smile.

"So you eavesdropped instead?"

"I picked the lesser of the two evils," he shrugged. I couldn't bring myself to be even a little bit annoyed at him. There were bigger things to worry about.

"Armin... Do you think he's changing?" I asked quietly.

"Oh, most definitely. At the rate of a turtle getting a ride from a snail, but still," he nodded sagely after the strange analogy.

"Um... okay. But, I'm very glad. It feels easier now..."

"Easy enough for you to fall in love with him again?"

"What?" My heart skipped a beat just from the question.

"Just kidding," he was still staring at me intently.

"Don't do that... at some point my heart won't recover,"

"What the hell are we talking about now?" Levi came in to sit next to Armin.

"Nothing," I sighed, thankful when a knock on the front door allowed me to leave the situation in which it seemed that only I was feeling awkward.

"That's probably for us," Levi jumped back up, scowling.

"Yeah," I clenched my hands into fists at my sides.

"Relax," he reminded me.

"I'll try," I laughed weakly, then opened the door to be greeted by Eli, who was once again wearing an uncharacteristically serious expression.

"Are the two of you ready?" He asked.

"As we'll ever be," I nodded.

"Alright. The man's name is Karl Petersen. He's been on a hunger strike for a while, so he isn't exactly in the best mood... but honestly none of us care how he feels. Both of you feel free to ask whatever you want, seeing as this is a personal visit, but we would also appreciate some more information on Wallist members if possible... with that, he hasn't been very forthcoming," Eli explained as he led us towards the castle.

"So the fact that Erwin was killed by Wallists is all he's really told you?" I asked quietly.

Eli caught my hand in his, squeezing gently after twining our fingers. "Unfortunately. But we'll take what we can get and move forward with it," he glanced at Levi now. "You've already been a part of a few interrogations, isn't that right? Before peacetime,"

"They were more or less interrogations," Levi murmured vaguely.

"Ah," Eli nodded. "Like I said... all methods are fair game today,"

"Gee, thanks," Levi muttered. He was scowling heavily.

"You alright?" I asked.

"Fucking peachy," he muttered, then sighed when I frowned at him. "I'm fine, Kellie. Anticipatory,"

"Oh," I nodded, then blinked at him. Kellie? He had never called me that before... Even with him being in a smidge of a mood, it was still endearing somehow to hear... I looked up at Eli when his hand tightened around mine.

"How old are you now, Kelis?" He switched to a lighter subject.

"Well, I'll actually be turning eighteen soon," I realized, not having throughout about it until being promoted.

"Really? You look a bit younger than that," Eli smiled.

"Lolita complex," Levi muttered under his breath.

"Huh?" I gave him a confused look.

"You being the one to talk," Eli retorted smoothly. "What day is your birthday? We should definitely celebrate somehow,"

"September fourth..." I replied slowly, looking between them. What a strange dynamic...

"That is really soon," Eli nodded. "Alright, I won't forget," he smiled.

"Okay," I nodded, secretly pleased. My birthday had never really mattered before while fighting against titans. There was no use in celebrating another year of hell, after all...

Eli led us into the basement of the castle, which functioned as a prison cell of sorts. It was lined with cells, most of which were empty. We arrived in one occupied by a man who was tied securely to a chair. He smelled foul and had a generous amount of stubble but in all other regards was completely unnoticeable, unremarkable.

This was the man who killed Erwin.

"Here," Eli pressed the key to the cell into my hand, giving me a gaze filled with concern. "I'll meet you upstairs after," he whispered. I could only nod. Once Eli was gone I turned to Levi. We both looked at the key in my hand for a few moments.

"Well? Let's fucking do this," he said simply. I unlocked the door and we stepped in, coming to be mere feet in front of the murderer.

"Who are the other Wallists? What's your goal?" I asked, keeping my arms folded in front of me in a defensive position.

"Right, right, because after weeks of sitting here in my own shit and being questioned daily I'm going to tell the first random people who walk in," Karl Petersen's voice was an annoying drawl that only served to make me angrier.

"Did Erwin Smith die a painful death?" Levi asked.

"Got him from behind, through the throat. Hell if I know how it felt, though,"

"And how do you want to die?" I asked quietly. Levi cut a sharp glance to me, but I didn't care. We weren't going to get anywhere with just questions. The feeling of my heart being ripped apart wasn't going to be alleviated by standing there.

"You... ah, thought I recognized those scars. You were the commander's little bitch, weren't you? He took you everywhere, after all. You know, your face looks really ugly when it's all twisted like that,"

"Fuck you," I said quietly. "Insult me all you want, but I won't let you degrade Erwin like that,"

"He died like a dog, you know. Gurgling and twitching away, pathetic, scared, confused,"

"That's enough!" I yelled. No more, no more of this. It was too much, thinking of what death must have been like for Erwin, coming when it was least expected. I went forward and grabbed Petersen by the hair, tilting his head back and keeping a firm hold to keep him upright as I punched him in the face over and over again. He called me ugly? Fine, I would make it so he didn't have to see me anymore. He wanted to call Erwin pathetic, a dog? Fine, I would give him so much pain he would wish he could just fucking die.

"Kelis," There was a far off voice. But it couldn't reach me, not quite... "Kelis!" Levi snapped at me, and I was startled back into reality. "We weren't given permission to kill him. That's enough,"

"Oh..." I realized the damage I had done, all of the blood and crunching of bones I had lost myself in for a moment. "Oh." I let go of Petersen's hair, then was knocked out of my shock when he spat a mixture of blood and saliva onto my cheek.

"Motherfucking son of a bitch," Levi hissed as he came forward, pulling me out of the way before landing a punch to Petersen's face that sent him flying backward, clattering uneasily to the ground along with the chair he was trapped on. "Come on," Levi seized my hand and pulled me out of the cell after him. He stopped halfway up the stairs before turning to me.

"I'm sorry," I blurted before he could say anything. "I'm so sorry, I lost it," I looked at my hands, how one was covered with blood and dotted with small cuts and forming bruises while the other had been spared the evidence of mindless violence by the fact that my shoulder still prevented me from properly exerting my arm.

"It's alright... I was wanting to do the same thing. We got what we came here for, more or less," he pulled a handkerchief from his pocket and wiped at my cheek.

"Well aren't you prepared," I smiled wanly.

"Damn, Kelis..." he took my hand and wiped it off, running his fingertips over the parts that had gotten busted during my assault. "Listen. After what happened... don't go anywhere with Eli today,"

"What? Why?" I asked, confused.

"It's just that," he stopped abruptly, frowning and now holding both my hands in his. I waited for him to speak. I just kept on waiting.


	27. Chapter Twenty-Seven: Mantra

Gah! I'm super sorry I'm late on uploading! I had an extremely busy day yesterday getting ready for college and whatnot. Another thing! Scare writes her notes when she sends the chapter. I'm too lazy to do that, so I just kinda write 'em when I post 'em. So, as ro a question that's been asked, it will be answered in Scare's chapter (the one she was working on when the question was asked). Anyways! Enjoy! -Saerenae

*Levi*

Kelis was staring at me, waiting for an answer I couldn't give her yet, not when the concept was so new to me. It didn't seem like the right place or time for a confession of feelings, but anything short of a confession probably wouldn't keep her from her excursion with Eli. It wouldn't keep me from trying, though.

I dropped my eyes to her hands, gently running my thumbs over her knuckles as I attempted a half-assed diversion from the subject. "You really didn't hold back."

She sighed, not at all pleased with my pathetic attempt to not answer her question. "Levi." She pulled her hands out of mine, crossing her arms so that I couldn't try to recapture her fingers in mine.

I closed my eyes and pinched the bridge of my nose. "Just don't go anywhere with him, okay?"

She shifted her weight to one hip, looking less than amused. "Why not?" She tested.

I dropped my hand and scowled at her, annoyed that she wouldn't just drop it. "Why do you want to go anyway?"

"Eli is kind and very forthright. I don't have to wonder whether or not he's going to explode after doing something remotely nice." Her eyes didn't display anger, but rather a form of defeated sadness.

I felt my heart tighten, knowing I had basically pushed her towards him. "How do you know he's not just trying to fuck you then dump you on your ass?"

She raised an eyebrow. "I have experience of such things. I think I would know if it was about to happen again."

Ouch.

I crossed my arms and narrowed my eyes ever so slightly.

Kelis nodded in agreement with her previous statement before she began making her way slowly up the stairs. "If he's half as kind as Pixis is, he's twice as kind as you are."

Well fuck.

I followed after her, shaking my head in disbelief. "You believe I'm unkind?"

"I believe you don't have control over your defensive outbursts."

I scoffed at that. "I am not defensive."

She again raised an eyebrow, not commenting but clearly suggesting I had just proven her point.

I could see Eli waiting at the top of the stairs, my irritation growing with every second that passed. I grabbed her wrist, causing her to look back at me and stop. "Kelis…"

She looked at me expectantly.

I looked over her shoulder to see Eli who had spotted us and was watching with curious interest, probably just out of earshot. Shaking my head, I passed her. "Fucking hell." I sighed, exasperated and at a loss for words as I stepped on to even ground with golden boy.

Eli must've heard, a smug gleam in his eyes as he glanced at me when I passed to stand a few paces from the stairs. He turned his attention to Kelis with sickening kindness. "Are you alright?"

She nodded, a tense smile forcing its way to her lips. Her eyes shifted to me in the moment of awkward silence that followed Eli's question, her confusion displayed plainly across her face. "So…"

Eli all but jumped at the opportunity Kelis provided to break the tension. "If it's still okay with you, Kelis, I'd like to take you to—"

I coughed and almost incredulous laugh, the ironic smile not quite meeting my lips, but definitely playing in my eyes. The audacity of the golden brat. "Listen here, fucker." I took a step closer to Eli, pissed that he was looking down to me. I wanted to kick his legs out from under him, but that probably wouldn't have made any progress in keeping Kelis away from him.

"Eli…" My eyes shot to Kelis, who immediately clapped her hand over her mouth in surprise.

"Did you just fucking call me Eli?" There's no way she had a reason to use that tone towards him, so a slip of the tongue was the only plausible explanation.

She pulled her hand away and bit her lip. "I didn't mean it…your names sound so alike."

Eli did well to hide his smile, but I was not so fortunate to hide my anger. Faster than the smug idiot could blink, I hooked my boot heel around the back of his knee and pulled while roughly pushing his shoulder back, effectively landing him flat on his ass. I squatted down beside him, ignoring Kelis as she threw a flurry of most likely harsh comments at me. I gave the boy a look so cold it would've had the devil packing up and moving to heaven. I opened my mouth to speak, but Kelis's hand gently touched my shoulder, her silence leading me to look up to her out of curiosity.

"Fuck…" I whispered as I dropped my forehead into my hand and sighed.

She didn't say a word, but the look in her eyes as she helped Eli to his feet implied more than enough. I was in the metaphorical dog house and I wasn't coming out for quite a while. I stood, my eyes meeting Kelis's before her silent anger had me turning away with the familiar pang of guilt lodged in my heart. "If you're coming back to the castle rather than home, I'll be in the library." I shouldn't have lost control like I had, but it had hurt to hear her say his name like she did mine.

There was a pause before their footsteps echoed quietly into nothing, leaving me alone to stew in my misery. I could almost feel the weight of worlds on my shoulders, but I turned to the stairs that lead to the basement and shed the skin of the commander who had everything to lose. I slowly took to the stairs, breathing in deeply as I took the first step down into the darkness. With each step, I shed an aspect of my humanity until I had reached the bottom as a cold, calculating monster willing to do anything to get answers.

I could hear my own footsteps echoing quietly against the walls as I looked to the barrel, most likely filled with water, illuminated by the fluttering flame of the torch on the wall across from Karl Petersen's cell. The quiet stillness should've been disarming, but it instead gave me immense satisfaction. The bastard had probably been knocked senseless.

Sure enough.

I shook my head as I stepped closer to him, still toppled over with his chair like a rag doll that had been long forgotten, and I straightened his chair with a swift movement that brought him back to the land of the living with a dazed look. I patted his cheek a little harder than necessary to grab his attention, waiting for the haze in his dark eyes to clear.

He blinked slowly and furrowed his brow before he finally understood who was standing in front of him. A smile curled his wretched lips, blood still staining his teeth from his previous knockout. "Well, well, well." Petersen's sick smile twisted even more when he noticed I was alone. "A personal visit. To what do I owe the honor?"

I straightened and leisurely clasped my hands behind my back as I began a slow but distant pace around him, a predator stalking its prey.

"I see you left your girlfriend behind." He feigned a disappointed sigh and shook his head. "It's a shame. Her face wasn't too pleasant, but she had a body worth ravaging."

Distantly, I realized his demeaning attitude towards Kelis should've bothered me, but I was too far gone from the commander that would've pulverized the bastard in front of me for such a comment towards a subordinate. Continuing on around him, I didn't say a word.

"Have you fucked her?" He tried to gauge my reaction, but I let nothing pass over my face or body language that would give him his answer. He scoffed and rolled his eyes before looking at his knees. "Two can play at this game, you know."

Indeed.

I counted the steps I took around him, waiting for his next move. One…two…three…four…five… Behind him, I watched as his shoulders tensed ever so slightly and took the moment to revel in his obvious unease. "Karl."

He tensed even more at his name, lifting his head and turning it to the side so that maybe he would be able to see me. "Looks like you broke first."

I took a step towards him, inches from his back, and gazed around the room. The barrel of water once again caught my attention, leading me to step from behind him to open the cell door. "Have you ever heard of waterboarding, Karl?" I made my way out of his cell, still highly aware of him as I stopped in front of the barrel and lifted the canteen that was bigger than I had first thought. Looking over my shoulder to him, I could see him narrowing his eyes in suspicion as I lifted the lid from the barrel. "I'll assume your silence meanings you haven't." Returning my attention to the barrel, I placed the lid on the ground and dipped half of the canteen in the water, watching air bubble from its opening as it filled with water.

I slowly crossed the short distance to him, loosening my cravat with one hand, the canteen in my other. "I assure you this: you won't soon be forgetting what a simple thing it is." I stared at him bleakly, setting the canteen down before completely taking my cravat off. I shook it out then held it in front of me for inspection before moving behind him.

He tried to follow me with his head, but his restraints held him too tightly to his chair for him to turn enough. His eyes held more than a little concern, but I suppose it was warranted.

In one swift movement, I had the fabric over his mouth and nose, tied behind his head before he could protest. Knocking his chair back, I almost smiled in sick satisfaction at the gush of air that fled his lungs.

"What the fuck?!" Petersen's voice was strained, trying to bring air back into his lungs.

I picked up the canteen then knelt beside him before putting one knee on his chest to ensure he wouldn't knock his chair to the side.

His eyes were less afraid now, filled more so with anger than anything. "You think I'm going to break over a canteen of water?"

I could see his mouth moving beneath the fabric and sighed. "By the end, you'll wish it was only one canteen." With that, I doused the cloth with water, continuing the flow until I watched his eyes go wide and he started gurgling and thrashing to attempt escape.

The canteen emptied and I let my eyes linger on his before my gaze shifted to the empty canteen. "It's a simple form of torture that'll make you feel like you're drowning." I stood and made my way to the barrel. "The worst part might just be the breaks in between. That small reprieve before…" I watched the canteen fill. "Well, before you're shocked back to the sensation of drowning."

Again and again. I didn't ask questions. I simply watched him struggle, the resolution behind his eyes slowly fading as he began to beg me to stop. Even then, I silently continued.

A violent cough racked his body as I went to refill the canteen for what felt like the fiftieth or sixtieth time. "I'll tell you—" another cough. "I'll tell you everything I fucking know!" His coughs were only interrupted by gasps for air and the sobs he attempted to hold in, trying to maintain his nonexistent dignity.

"Someone is feeling chatty now." I knelt beside him again, holding the canteen above his face like I had so many times before, morbidly amused when he flinched. "So speak up." I tilted the canteen ever so slightly, a few drops cascading onto the cloth.

"Wait, wait, wait!" He panicked for air, his distraught eyes bloodshot from strain. "I-I-I've never met the woman in charge, but…"

I raised a brow, waiting for him to continue.

"She's known as The Angel of Mercy." An odd gleam began to light his eyes, almost maniacal as he continued. "You see, she plans to appease the walls. Talk of tearing them down…?" He coughed again, still not fully recovered. "The only way to atone for the dreadful suggestion is sacrifice." He laughed, a gurgling sound resonating from his lungs he continued. "Your precious commander was only the first of many. The cleansing will eradicate them all."

I listened patiently, knowing that I couldn't push him given that he was using the fine line between sanity and insanity as a jump rope.

"The walls will not be appeased until every last supporter has be obliterated." His eyes flared, hysteria trying to consume him. "Your little bitch is on the list, too."

I narrowed my eyes slightly, standing and pulling him and his chair with me. "A list, you say?"

The dazed look in his eyes gave away his befuddlement at being upright, another cough shook his body before he blinked a few times and his eyes began to clear back to the maniacal shimmer. "A list you fucking blasphemers signed." He shook his head, leaning forward and down as far as he could, which happened to not be very far at all. "Pathetic, honestly."

I reached my hand out towards his face, a small part of me satisfied when he flinched. Roughly undoing the cloth so I would have a better view of his face, I looked at the curious specimen before me. "Pathetic." I echoed. "You say we signed this list?"

A wicked smile curved his lips, the fire in his eyes burning out the rest of his sanity as his shaggy hair dripped water down his face. "Name, date, and rank." He leaned back in his chair. "For the mislead civilians that signed, there will be an option for repentance."

Understanding hit me like a brick wall. _The petition._

Fuck.

How many names were listed? How many families? How many unawares soon-to-be victims?

I grabbed his hair and wrenched his head back with a snarl. "This cleansing you mention," I started, piercing him with my gaze. "When will it start?"

His smile widened as he met my glare head on, muscle spasms in his neck the only giveaway that he felt the pain my grasp was inflicting. "Soon." Petersen managed to choke out. "Very, very soon."

Try as I might, I knew the bastard would say no more. I released him before taking a step back and landing one satisfyingly swift kick to his jaw, knocking him and his chair over and to the side a few feet. I'd probably broke the damnable man's jaw, but I didn't stop to check as I made my way out of his cell and to the base of the stairs. Taking a deep breath in, I took the first step and began regaining what I'd left behind of my humanity.

Each upward step was a weight on my shoulders. As I reached the final stair, the price of being human settled into my bones like concrete, solidifying and making it damn near impossible to move. Exhausted more so mentally than physically, I made the short journey to Pixis's quarters. A single rap on his door and he was there in an instant.

"Levi." He greeted, looking rather surprised, but still donning his usually smile.

"The fucking petition." I made no move to hint I wanted in, I simply wanted answers.

He waited with a slow curious nod for me to continue.

"Where is it?"

"In a locked off, hidden room of the library." He still seemed rather confused, but behind his old, golden eyes, I could see the gears turning.

I moved out of the doorway, crossing my arms. "If you will, lead the way."

What seemed like an eternity passed and he had led me to the now empty library. "Care to enlighten me, Levi?"

I followed closely behind him as he weaved through the isles and stopped at a seemingly ordinary shelf on the wall. "The wallist suggests that his leader has acquired the names signed on the petition." I watched him pull a book from the shelf and reach into the empty spot it left behind before the shelf seemed to pop as though it were a door released from a lock. "The _Angel of Mercy_ ," I almost spat the name. "Is planning a cleansing."

Realization lit in Pixis's eyes as he opened the door-like shelf and led me inside to a small room with a single, fairly large safe. He closed the door behind me then quickly made his way to the safe before he began unlocking it. "If that's true, there's no doubt in my mind that every last scout, as well as most of the rest of the military, will be hunted down." His usual smile was replaced by a concerned frown as he opened the safe ever so slightly. "The Queen is in extreme danger."

I waited as he shifted through a few meticulously placed files until he found a scroll wrapped in a black tie.

His expression changed yet again after opening the scroll.

It took me a moment to decipher his expression, but when his eyes met mine all the scattered pieces of information connected. "Fuck!" The curse echoed through the room, my lips drawn back in an almost feral snarl. Had there been something to kick over, it probably would've been across the room an in a million pieces. My first thoughts should've been towards the queen and her safety, but instead my mind was filled with the overwhelming need to make sure Kelis was okay.

I was out of the library and running home before Pixis could so much as call my name. I burst through the front door, taking the shortest path towards Armin and Jean's room. I paced outside for a moment to calm myself and keep myself from basically tearing the door down to get answers before I knocked three times.

There was some shuffling around from inside and a few muffled curses. "I know I said to knock, but I didn't think you'd—" Jean's voice cut off when he opened the door. "Ohh." He shifted awkwardly, his jeans slightly askew and his rumpled shirt speaking volumes. "Commander Levi."

I nodded, my lips a tight, thin line. "Did you think I was Kelis or Mikasa?"

He brushed some wrinkles out of his shirt before awkwardly scratching the back of his head. "Mikasa, but Kelis is home."

I nodded again and began turning away, but decided to add an afterthought. "Be sure not to leave Armin too sore, you little shit."

"Fuck you." Jean slammed the door shut, leaving me to my own devices in trying to find Kelis.

I found that she was taking a bath. The sound of her moving around in the water, humming softly, was enough to slightly soothe the outright fear that had began spreading throughout my veins. I was able to breathe easily again as I made my way to my room, waiting for the sound of the shack door.

I couldn't lose her.

I wouldn't lose her.

Falling onto my bed fully clothed, I closed my eyes and silently repeated the promise until it was a mantra. "I will not lose Kelis." No matter what, no matter who to, I would not let that girl go. Even if it cost me my life.


	28. Chapter Twenty-Eight: Hint, Hint

'Sup. So, a factoid. The tongue slip in the last chapter was inspired by the fact that Saerenae and I often accidentally switch up Eli and Levi's names when in regular conversation. Also, AISHITERU, DAMNIT, AISHITERUUUUUU! Enjoy. -Scare

Just so you know! We're going to start uploading only once a week now (Thursday's). I apologize! I hope you enjoy -Saerenae

* Kelis Nilifer *

I crossed my arms and pursed my lips as I walked next to Eli. What the hell was wrong with Levi? I couldn't figure it out, and that made me even more flustered. "What's wrong with him?" I vented aloud.

"He's jealous, of course. Also, strong for his size," Eli laughed sheepishly.

"Again, I'm so sorry that happened,"

"No worries... as long as I feel like I'm winning, I've still got my pride,"

"Winning?" I echoed curiously.

"Right..." Eli stopped walking and looked into my eyes with a captivating intensity. "I don't mean this to sound demeaning or degrading, but... Commander Levi and I are in a battle right now, with you being the prize for the victor... metaphorically speaking on my part, not so much on his. For him, I think it's a real battle. Danger... I'm in actual physical danger..."

"But why?" I asked helplessly. "I don't understand why Levi would..."

"Why he doesn't want me getting closer to you?" Eli raised his eyebrows. "You seriously don't get it...?" I shook my head and stared back at him, waiting for him to elucidate some kind of truth to me. "Well... I don't really want to tell you anyways," he shrugged, a slight smile playing on his lips.

"Wha... why? Hey," I pushed him gently when he just grinned at me.

"You know, I was glad when you asked to see me today. Usually it's me making the first moves, but this time was different,"

"What do you mean by that? First moves,"

"Holding hands, kissing... I initiate that kind of stuff with you, usually. I like it when you do too," he winked at me. "Hint, hint,"

"Y-you know know that you've brought it up, I'd be too nervous to do anything," I stammered, turning my face to hide an embarrassed blush.

"Maybe, for now," Eli laughed.

We continued on in companionable silence, but all the while my thoughts were consumed with Levi. Why he did the things he did, why didn't I understand, why... Why was I thinking only of him while I was with Eli? That was inappropriate, and wrong.

"Eli," I stopped walking.

"Yeah?" He turned to face me, then blinked at the uncertain expression I had felt settle in my features.

"It's because, at least a little bit, towards me... he..." I gazed up at him, imploring. "That's it, isn't it?"

It took him a while to answer. "... Yeah. That's what I believe, at least,"

"Oh." It didn't make me feel happy, nor was I upset at the idea. Just... confused. But even I, in all of my naivete, was aware enough to recognize that the slightest possibility of Levi having feelings for me made me doubt things, and that was very significant in itself.

It meant that I had never even stopped loving him, which in turn meant that I had been leading Eli on this entire time.

I had to make it right.

"Eli," I spoke slowly, but couldn't find it in me to regret the words coming out of my mouth. "I can't see you anymore,"

His eyes widened with surprise, but all he said was "Oh."

"Levi... never gave me an answer outright. We've fought viciously before, but there have also been very good times too... I keep clinging on to those good times as hope. So... until I hear him say, "I will never love you"... no matter how much that would hurt, I need to hear it before moving on. I... I'm sorry for toying with you like this."

"Kelis," Eli sighed. "Seriously, it's fine. In my mind, I still have a chance. I'm not necessarily a good person myself, because that selfish part of me wants you to get hurt like that so I can still be with you. So, we're both kind of messy in our own ways. No big deal. We're only human. Until then..." he sighed again, then smiled. "Friends," he extended his hand.

"Eli..." I took his hand and shook it. "Thank y-" I was interrupted when he pulled on my arm and pressed his lips to mine. "Er..." I covered my mouth with my hand when he backed away a second later, feeling my face heat up despite myself.

Eli laughed. "A friend who is constantly trying to woo you,"

"Geez..." I grumbled, still unable to be even the slightest bit irritated with him.

"Soooo," he grinned playfully. "Want me to walk you home?"

"Sure," We made small talk on the way back, but there was an inevitable bit of new distance between us, Eli putting his hands in his pockets the whole time and me not knowing what to do with my hands.

"You have a good night, Kelis," I was happy to see that his smile was still sincere.

"You too," I waved before slipping inside. The day hadn't gone at all as planned, but that wasn't necessarily a bad thing. "Hello? I'm back," I called, heading to my room. The door almost hit me in the face when Jean leaped out of the room like a valiant steed, slamming the aperture shut behind him.

"Don't go in there!" He yelled, looking slightly terrified.

"Why not? Is everything okay?" I queried, made even more concerned by his manner.

"Yes. No! Uh... You've got blood on your shirt, are you okay?" He switched the subject, frowning with his own concern present now. And it wasn't even a lot of blood... he was observant in his own way.

"Yeah... I just wanted to grab some new clothes for a bath,"

"Okay, I'll get you some. Give me five seconds,"

"But-" the door slammed in my face again. He had never told me what was wrong in there... He came out with a small bundle.

"Here you go. Make sure you knock before coming back in, okay? It's a real mess," and with that I was left for the final time.

Uhhhhh... what?

I shook it off and went to spoil myself with a long warm bath. Eli had requested that we try to get some more information out of Karl Petersen, but I had ended up disregarding that. Should I go back tomorrow and question him again? Wait... What was Levi doing right now?

Knowing him, he'd probably thought of what had just occurred to me long ago and had gone back in to question Petersen himself. I knew in my gut that that's what had happened. I had left that burden on his shoulders…

With that I hastened myself finishing getting cleaned up and only took the time to hurl my dirty clothes into the laundry room before heading upstairs. No noise was coming from the piano room, so I went straight to Levi's door, finding myself strangely hesitant once there. I stood with my fist raised for a few moments before knocking firmly three times. "Levi? Are you back?"

"Huh... yeah. What do you want?" He sounded groggy.

"To talk. Can I come in?"

There was a silence, and I considered that he might be ignoring me. I guess I wouldn't blame him... then again, it would still make me mad. "Sure," he finally said, and I slipped in to find him laying in bed (fully clothed, thank goodness) and staring at the ceiling.

"Hi," I sat on the edge of the bed.

"Again, what do you want?" Apparently he wasn't in the mood for small talk.

"You... went back to Petersen to get more useful information out of him, didn't you?" I folded my hands in my lap and focused on them.

"Yeah," he sounded so tired... "How did you know?"

"It just sounded like what you would do next. Logically, I mean... you know."

"Hmm," he grunted vaguely, rubbing at his eyes.

"Were you asleep?"

"I was waiting for the bath and almost dozed off. It doesn't matter. Petersen told me that the Wallists are being led by a woman who calls herself the Angel of Mercy... sounds like one haughty bitch to me, but he seemed pretty awestruck,"

"Angel of Mercy..." I echoed. "It makes sense, in a weird way,"

"How so?"

"By attaching some sort of idea of divinity to the purpose, it makes it seem more like the Wallists are in the right, doesn't it? At least, in their twisted minds it does,"

"Fucking twisted is right... Apparently they killed Erwin as a sort of human sacrifice idea they have. They think that killing all of the scouts and the supporters of tearing the walls down will appease whatever gods they believe in,"

"Killing everyone...?" I shivered.

"Yeah. Anyways, that's all the bastard told me,"

"Okay. Listen, I'm sorry for making you do that alone,"

"You didn't make me do shit. I do what I fucking want," he scowled.

"Right, right," I chuckled. "Okay... Well, the bath is open now," Was there a way for me to make it up to him?

"How was your date?" Levi asked abruptly.

"Oh." I forced myself not to read anything in to the question. Only he truly knew how he felt. In actuality, my certainty was zero. Still, I was willing to bet on it. Go time! "Actually, I...broke it off, to be blunt,"

Again, there was a silence. "... Why?"

I felt my heart in my throat. But, I would need to keep being blunt, wouldn't I? "Well, because I, because... I'm in love with you,"

"What?" He sat up, staring at me. "The fuck are you saying that for?"

"Because it's true. I said before that I didn't really know what love was, but I think part of it is in that I never want to leave your side, the face that your happiness, your life is so important to me. That level of understanding is enough for me. I. Love. You," Well, now no one could say that I hadn't been clear about it…

I looked into his eyes with no expectation, simply awaiting his reply, whichever direction it took. He opened and closed his mouth a few times, trying to find the right words. Perhaps trying to find the kindest form of rejection? Yes, I was scared of that, but... the choice was ultimately his now. My cards were on the table.

"Shit, why?" He finally demanded. "Why me?"

"Well..." I tilted my head, thinking about it. "After the expedition... after Petra and the others died... I saw you cutting Petra's wings of freedom symbol off of her jacket as a memento, like the rest of the ones in the office. Then, after that one scout brought the titans coming after us trying to bring the bodies of his friends back, you gave away Petra's patch to that man. That's where it started," I watched as he registered all of those memories as I spoke. "You've got a wonderful heart, really, Levi. I love that heart, so there, that's why." I cleared my throat before reaching out and resting my palm against his chest. "Thats why I love you."


	29. Chapter Twenty-Nine: Promise

I'm super sorry! I know I've neglected to upload... Scare is even kind of upset with me. I don't really have much else to say, but enjoy!

*Levi*

"That's why I love you." And the saddest thing about those words was the look on her face as she gently pressed her hand against my chest. Kelis held absolutely no expectation that her feelings would be returned.

I felt my heart in my throat, unable to speak and worried she could not only feel, but also hear the pounding of my heart through the cracks of what I had thought to be my maximum security prison. It took every fiber of will in my body not to pull her into my arms and hold her tight, keeping her away from the rest of the world and its cruelty. Closing my eyes, I took a methodical, calming breath before placing my hand over hers and breathing out. "Fucking hell, Kelis." The words were whispered, but they didn't need to be any louder to fill the silence.

The look on her face struck me like a physical blow when I realized she had taken my words the wrong way, her shoulders slumping as she tried to pull her hand away to hold the pieces of her heart that seemed to be shattering to the floor.

I lifted myself from the bed, standing before her for a moment before gently urging her to her feet and guiding her out of the room, her hand still in mine as we slowly made our way to the piano room. I released her hand after passing the piano, pushing open the window-like doors to the balcony and stepping out into the blue moonlight.

"What are you doing?" She questioned hesitantly as she waited in the doorway, just out of my reach as she crossed one arm over her stomach to grasp her other arm.

Tearing my gaze away from her, I looked to the silhouetted clouds and found the approximate position of the moon, judging the time by its position. "A little after midnight…?" I mumbled to myself, feeling my hands tremble ever so slightly as her quiet footsteps approached me from behind. I abruptly turned to her, instantly awed by the sight of the pale moonlight across her alabaster skin and the way the light made her scars look almost silver. Raising my hand to her cheek, I pushed her hair behind her ear and ran my thumb across her scars. "Beautiful…"

Her eyes widened a moment before she furrowed her brow and opened her mouth to speak.

"Don't say a fucking word, Kelis." I felt my face relax into my usual unseen smile at the sound her lips made from closing so quickly, the sulking pout on her face looking nothing short of adorable. Reluctant to shatter the moment, I sighed before gently placing a hand on her upper arm and taking a step past her, letting my hand fall from her skin as I made my way to the piano. Standing behind the bench, I stared at the ivory keys before lifting my eyes to Kelis who still stood in the moonlight on the balcony, looking less like a warrior and more like an ethereal being visiting before inevitable doom.

I stepped around the bench and lowered myself onto it, again finding myself staring at the ivory keys that had seen more of my emotions than any living being that had walked the face of the earth. Before I could get lost in the abyss of my thoughts, I reminded myself the reason I'd brought Kelis with me. With a deep breath and one last longing look at Kelis, I pressed my fingers to the keys and spoke through music the words I'd never been able to say.

My apology began quietly, barely an echo in the room as if testing the waters of a never before approached subject. It was heartfelt, my fingers gliding over the keys slowly before the music almost faded into nothingness. Then, like a dam bursting, the song reached out through my veins and played itself through my hands, telling a story I'd never be able to tell with my tongue. I could feel my own heart twisting with pain, the song conveying the fear I felt at the prospect of my apology being rejected.

She loved me, but it didn't mean she had to forgive me.

She loved me.

I felt a light peeking through the cracks in the prison that held my heart, allowing me to lift my chin a little higher, sit a little straighter, breathe a little deeper…

All too soon, the song ended gently, as though asking a question, and the room was filled with its almost silent echo.

My hands left the keys and I gazed up to Kelis, who had made her way from the balcony to the piano, attempting to judge her reaction.

"Levi…"

I stood slowly and took her hands in my own, gaining her full attention as I stared at the delicate fingers adorned with tiny scars. "Remember when…" I closed my eyes as pain filled my chest. "I used you." The words were barely audible through the hurt that clogged my vocal chords. "I defiled you." I could feel her tension growing, making it even more to breathe and damn near impossible to speak. "I began writing your song then."

I heard her deeply inhale, most likely waiting for the punchline.

"Kelis." Opening my eyes, I met hers with hesitance. I never thought I would hear myself utter the words that were writhing on the tip of my tongue. They just didn't befit the creed—the mantra—I lived by: no regrets. An apology implied guilt, and what was guilt other than regret? I wouldn't allow myself to regret my choices.

But I did regret and the only way to make amends was to vanquish the threat of regret.

"I'm sorry." It hung in the air like a spider thrown to the wind with nothing other than a single thread as its lifeline. "I am truly sorry for what I've put you through, Kelis."

I could sense more so than see the weight of the moment, as well as my yet to be spoken implication, tugging at the salty renegades that pooled in her eyes like clumsy prisoners finally escaping their faulty prison. The beauty before me leaned into me, placing her forehead on my shoulder as she stared down at our hands, but I couldn't allow myself to embrace her just yet.

"And the day you went on your first date with the golden brat—" I was caught off guard by her small chuckle, bubbling through her tears and leading me to an almost smile of my own. "I found something…" Fuck, 'that reminded me of your beauty' was too cheesy. "I found something I thought you might like." I released her hands and reached into my pocket for the small box I had acquire for the gift I'd bought on a whim.

She lifted her head from my shoulder with a curious stare as she attempted to wipe her tears away with the backs of her hands.

I couldn't help myself. A small chuckle escaped my lips at her slightly disheveled state, allowing me the view of her extreme surprise before I shook my head. "Turn around, you lil' shit."

Still dumbstruck, she did as told. "You laughed."

"I chuckled, damn it." I didn't let her see my wry smile. "There's a difference." I opened the velvety box and pulled out the shimmering necklace I'd bought her and watched it glisten in the moonlight a moment before shoving the box back in my pocket. "Lift your hair."

Again doing as told, she lifted her hair, allowing me a view of her bare neck as I clasped the jewelry around her neck.

Unable to resist, I put my hands on her hips and very gently kissed the back of her neck. "Happy birthday, Kelis." I felt her sharp intake of breath and close my eyes, nuzzling my face in the crook of her neck. "While I can't promise not to hurt you ever again," Just the prospect of verbally lashing out at her again pained me. "I can't promise to keep you from all harm," I could sure as hell try. "And I can't promise to be a man worthy of you…" I'd never be worthy of her, but it didn't change one simple fact. "I will give you my heart as a promise to never leave you."

I felt her try to turn to me, but I held her in place, not quite ready to face her. "And, should I ever break that promise, know I'll be nothing more than a shell of a man with no heart, no soul, and no emotion." I swallowed my pride and closed my eyes. "I am yours, Kelis."

I loosened my grip on her, relaxing into defeat as the emotions I never wanted to put a name to came bubbling to the surface. "I am yours." Forever.


	30. Chapter Thirty: Kiss

So. Someone actually posted a question. Didn't think anyone would, so I kinda feel accomplished now... The golden boy is Eli, who is blonde with golden eyes. Appropriate. Anyways... OH MY GOSH I'M SO HAPPY FOR AMOUR, GUYS, AMOUR! Hee hee!

* Kelis Nilifer *

I felt my body shaking with intense mixed shock and sheer joy. I hadn't expected this. I had expected the opposite of this.

 _I am yours._

His voice, those words, echoed in my head over and over in a beautiful serenade that made me want to laugh and cry at the same time, a song just as beautiful as the one he had played for me. The feeling of truly giving yourself to someone, of them giving their self to you... It was beautiful, and scary.

I was still scared. Scared that this good moment could still turn over on its head eventually and end up in a fight, Levi lashing out with emotional damage, leaving me crushed again. I wanted to trust him, take his promise and keep it forever. It just wasn't that easy.

I turned to face him in his more relaxed grip. "Levi..." I was at a loss for words. I felt clumsy in the face of his elegant, pure confession. His grip tightened again, pulling me closer. I wrapped my arms around his back, pressing against him and relishing in his presence, the newfound solidity and reassurance of it. "It's a promise... I'm yours, too," his face relaxed into his unique ghost of a smile. He was even willing to say forever... "I love you," I said softly, saying it for the both of us because it just wasn't in him to say those words. He phrased that expression differently, just as beautiful and moving.

He didn't reply, didn't need to. He brought his face closer to mine and I leaned away on instinct. Why couldn't I get over being scared...? "Sorry..." I whispered as he shifted to twine his fingers in my hair.

"Damn it, Kelis, just let me kiss you," gentle amusement colored his insistence. I closed my eyes, writhing under the anticipation. He kissed me just for a moment, surprisingly warm and soft. I looked at him after he pulled away, jolted when he smirked at me. "You look disappointed,"

"No, I'm not... how could I be?" I smiled. Fear aside, I was so happy I was fit to burst. "But, you can..." I attempted to convince myself that what I was saying was in no way embarrassing, but ultimately was defeated by the reddening of my entire face. "Kiss me more than that... if you want,"

"Shit, this is what I get for trying to practice moderation," Levi shook his head, and his hands tugged on my hair slightly. He captured my mouth with his and applied more pressure than before, and I lost track of seconds as my thought process just seemed to cut short.

I backed away with a gasp, feeling lightheaded. "Sorry, sorry..." I mumbled. "I forgot to breathe,"

"You're so ridiculous," I was starting to find his affectionate amusement endearing.

"I was just going to come home, talk to you, and go to sleep..." Yes, I had been prepared to go to sleep that night while stewing in the misery of rejection. "It feels like I could wake up at any second and be jolted back into a reality... It's a strange thought,"

"Well cut it out. This is reality. We earned it,"

"Right," I nuzzled his neck, releasing a sigh. "Right..."

"Are you tired? It is late. Or early. Fuck, whatever,"

"Yeah... but I don't want to go to sleep," Translation: I don't want to be apart from you right now. I want to be stuck in this moment.

"Come on," Levi let go of me, grabbed my hand, and pulled me after him. We got back into his room, and he tugged me onto the bed with him before I could give a thought as to what his intentions were. "Settle down with that scared puppy dog face," he tucked hair behind my ear as we lay down on our sides, facing each other.

"I can't help it..." I mumbled. "I don't know what to do anymore," Everything had ended up changing so quickly. I didn't know what he would do either…

"Just calm the fuck down, for starters. I already said that I won't do anything to hurt you again,"

"Yes... I trust you in that... I'm trying to,"

"Trying to?" Levi echoed, frowning.

"I'm still scared," I admitted in a hushed voice, unable to look at him. But he did have a right to know my doubts. "That things could go bad again," Every time in the past where things had seemed to be good between us, it had fallen apart again and my hopes had been crushed. If it happened after this, I wouldn't be able to take it. "I want to believe you. I want to accept your promise,"

"I get it," Levi kissed my forehead. "Words aren't enough. I'll show you, too. I will never go back on my promise. Just stay with me, and give me the chance to live up to my words,"

"Of course I will... And I'm not asking you to be perfect. Just don't withdraw from me again," We would fight sometimes, that's what couples did. It showed they cared enough to resolve their differences. As long as he was open to me in his heart, then my fears would be abated. I would try hard too, to be as good as possible to him.

"Alright," he petted my hair as I cuddled up close to him, squeezing my eyes closed and considering pinching myself.

"Sorry. I guess it's... still a little bit complicated," Love. Promises. Forever. They were such big words. "We're actually together now," I laughed, still partially in disbelief, still feeling good and strange to think about it.

I felt his lips in my hair, his arms around me. "We sure as hell are."

Falling asleep with that reassurance, with him next to me, was more amazing than I had ever imagined it would be.


End file.
